Poetry / THE STORM
The Storm
The sky is blue as far as the eye can see
Birds fly carefree as can be
Then suddenly up over the hill
Black ominous clouds disturb the still
You can hear its roar
Louder than the breakers at the shore
The rain beats down on the roof
Like the stampeding cattle’s hoof
The lightning strikes like a hungry hand
Searching for victims throughout the land
Then as suddenly as it came and went
With all its mighty power spent
Now the sky is blue as far as the eye can see
Birds fly carefree as can be
Now there is peace throughout the land
Like the gentle touch of a Childs hand
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Beautifully done. I would only change one thing, Then as suddenly as it came and went
I would put it instead of and. It lets the story flow as you originally intended it to
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Simple, but good.
“Like the stampeding cattle’s hoof ” cattle is plural, thus cattles’ would be the appropriate possesive form, though “hooves” would mess up your rhyme scheme. You might work on this line and see what you can do.
“Childs” should have an apostrophe.
Keep writing – if this was your first attempt (as you say in your reviewer notes), you are bound to get even better. :)
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