I’m sorry you didn’t like it, but it wouldn’t have been the same with a happy ending. So I understand if you don’t like it—it is dark and that style doesn’t always appeal to everyone, nothing to be sorry for. Thanks for the review.
Poetry / My Wonderland
Can you hear the angels cry,
Singing their soft lullaby?
For the seraph tears are nigh,
The world sheds tears of ice.
Hither to my dark drawn world,
Where demons wait, talons curled.
Here the carpet lay unfurled,
Crimson atop the nice.
Alice knows not what is here,
Doesn’t know the hidden fears,
The ruby eyes always leer.
Axe falls down, twice- thrice.
Down, I follow crimson path,
Heedless of the silent wrath,
The grudge ‘o Mad Hatter hath,
Letting the tea entice.
So we fall to cruel temptations,
Blind to truthful revelations,
That here lies no such salvations,
From Satan’s cage of ice.
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PoeticSydrome reviewed Version 1 -
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I really like this piece, and I’m very found of the Alice in Wonderland tales. You captured it beautifully here. But why a crimson path? Of course I wouldn’t do yellow, since that would be almost like the Wizard of Oz. Anyway, this was nicely written. I loved the rhyme scheme, very intriguing. Alice is in for a big surprise when she discovers what’s really out there. I can’t wait to read more of your work!
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Amugaba reviewed Version 1 -
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Hi,
I like the first part very much … but then it gets darker … very unexpected i would say … i have a double feeling with this … it’s good but truelly said i dunno if i like it … so sorry
Kind Regards
Pascale
September 26, 2006
Deleted User
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Reminiscent of the old days. Which is both great and not so great. Great because its interesting to see, not so great because the language is more difficult to read. Though not impossible so its alright.
I definatly agree that NICE doesn’t fit. If the word in German meant WHITE, why didnt you just use WHITE? Actually, WHITE would sound very interesting in this, ‘crimson on top the white’—pretty language at least.
Only one thing I was not sure about:
-- ‘o’ -- I don’t believe you need the quotes on each side, just before.
All in all, wonderful language and great imagery. Replace the NICE and you’ll have a great little piece. Thanks for sharing.
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