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Poetry / Dream Vision
I wend my way through willows
in riparian dreams of rushing streams
to the time of cattails and bulrushes,
eels snaking around my feet.
I was cast into a salty river
to float upon jelly fish
who meant me no harm
and no longer frightened me
with their song.
While floating on my back
I saw the sky turn almost black
and the world,
shrouded in darkness,
was concealed.
Only the tree line in the distance
was aglow:
the sun had lit only this
to a radiant magnificence,
translucent –
each leaf magnified,
each color intensified –
shimmering gold.
A mist formed in the air,
but there came no rain.
And while in this reverie
rose a holographic rainbow
resplendent in vibrant hues
and not one, but two, that lifted
high and arced in the sky.
I held my breath
lest my breathing disturb this vision.
Never before had I witnessed
such splendor, illuminated trees
against nature’s dark heavens.
I forgot where I was
for I was nowhere now,
not on land or sea, but beyond the trees
no longer mired in muck,
at peace for once, transformed.
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firemaidenphoenix reviewed Version 1 -
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A great poem with great images, my favorite being “each leaf magnified, each color intensified – shimmering gold.” With the strong images and the peaceful cadence, this could really almost be a meditation chant. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
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EvnSuicideAgrees reviewed Version 1 -
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I really liked this poem especially the last two stanzas, It made my mind wonder to a far off land..Thanks for sharing, I would love to read more poems from you!!
OnEternity reviewed Version 1 -
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Great Clarity, it flows well, you should set up guidleines in the note to the reviewer section however because i dont know what i am supposed to be critiquing.
AuroraFaith reviewed Version 1 -
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emotional, clean, very well written. keep writing, it’s good :)
PhenominousMonahan reviewed Version 1 -
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That was beautiful. I love the scenery you depict in your writing; it reminds me of my own escapades into the wild. Nature truly is a wondrous inspiration to behold; it is fantastic that you have put it into words like so. Your writing had me thinking of the sun pouring through the openings of the tree canopies.
I also love how, towards the end, you have this very Zen-like mood of nature and its metaphysical connection and numinous oneness with the human mind:
“I forgot where I was
for I was nowhere now,
not on land or sea, but beyond the trees
no longer mired in muck,
at peace for once, transformed.”
Those lines were deep, and they are very special.
The one thing I noticed was that your rhyming and rhythm seemed a little difficult to follow, but then again, it is poetry and the writer is free to do what they wish; I do not suggest changing anything. Good job!
bugaboo8458 reviewed Version 1 -
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Very awesome.
Really sad!
But great.
I think this should be in a movie.
I can seriously imagine all of this.
It’s beautiful.
VoicesInMyHead reviewed Version 1 -
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I just finished reading a book titled 90 minutes in heaven, and in that book the author spoke about his travels to a peaceful heaven that awaits us if we live correctly. This poem spoke about such a peace. I love your images and how powerful they were. I could see the black clouds, and floating on the back, eyes turned upward taking the magnificent. The transformation was powerful because to me this transformation was one that took place literally but also figuratively. The character in this piece will be changed for ever.
Caroline24 reviewed Version 1 -
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This is lovely, lyrical, and fluid.
A few minor comments: “to a time of cattails…” What time is that? There are bulrushes and cattails on the earth now, today. What about “to a place…”
“And while in this reverie…” How about “And through this…”
It seems as though there should be a verse just before the last one to transport and transform the narrator to beyond to trees.
Otherwise everything works.
Jessi_53774 reviewed Version 1 -
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I found it a bit hard to follow and read a few times to paint the picture. Definitely a tale of beauty.
LingoDiva reviewed Version 1 -
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This is an absolutely excellent read, perfection. I have nothing to critique because it is superb. Great imagery and rhythm.
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