Thank You.
I like the Invincible part for the title. In fact I will use it. Vulnerablity I’m not sure of. Good word, right meaning, but not sure.
I’ll think about it.
Thanks
Poetry / Untitled
The man who was once larger than life
now looked pale and small among the hospital sheets
The eyes that were once piercing and direct
were now filled with confusion and uncertainty
His once keen grasp of any situation which was presented to him
was now challenged by the medical terms and diagnosis swirling around the bed
He was used to being in command, always in control
Yet there was his wife’s hand holding his, giving comfort as she took the reigns
Life was cruel to turn the tables on him within the twitch of an eye
In his mind he was the same person, but his body lied when put to the test
After the doctors had left the room, his eyes searched hers for reassurance
that he was still the same person in her eyes, that he had not grown feeble and weak
Her eyes answered his with a love that would hold them both afloat
A love that was forever entwined with the people they were in their hearts
10/06
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
fried_green_tomatoes reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Suz, I really identified with this poem. It spoke to my heart. I saw my own dad, big and strong whose health was taken gradually away over the space of two yrs. He had been crushed in an auto accident. His identical twin brother died three months prior to my dad. They say twins usually die close together as in a short period of time. I thought you did a great job on your imagery and I really liked this poem. God bless you sweetie…Della
- add/view comments (1)
Tara reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
“Her eyes answered his with a love that would hold them both afloat
A love that was forever entwined with the people they were in their hearts”
I love the way you ended this.
What about this for a title?
Invincible Vulnerablity
The man seems to be so powerful but in the end the only thing powerful left is his mind because his body is begining to fail. It’s their love that they share that makes everything strong and disappear.
bor1 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
This is a wonderful poem.I found it moving.
The man who was once larger than life
now looked pale and small among the hospital sheets
The eyes that were once piercing and direct
were now filled with confusion and uncertainty
I liked those lines the most.The poem says alot well done.
All The Best
Rob
Mettophobic reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I think the main point behind this peice is wonderful, very touching, but i feel like the wording was a bit awkward, and staggering. I think theres a way to make a much better sound and flow to the peice, maybe try to be a little less wordy.
Otherwise, good job, i really felt that you could feel what you were writing.
Arorasky reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I almost cried by the time I finished reading this…This would be a great beginning to a book! Get a Title for it! great read!
CarHuff reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
As I read this, I was able to see what was being described. Oh yes, you could of wrote the man died a nothing and so on, but you left the old man with dignity, and the love that will carry them both through eternity. Mark Twain wouldn’t slap you down on this. It was a good job. Thank you, I enjoyed this.
davem1501 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I am deeply intrigued by the possibilities introduced by a writing such as this. I think that a work like this should be expanded to bring the reader into a deeper understanding of either the wifes impression of the husbands feeling or the husbands himself.
this_is_glamour reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
This one was really close to my heart. I can feel him slipping away, the frustrations, the angish. I can see her watching him, unsure but holding up the brave front. Mostly though, its the love. Thats a language that everyone understands.
It sucks to know it could happen more than once.
Love it.
Showing 1 - 8 of 8
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
8 Reviews 13 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: about 1 year ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 0 Times
Ratings & Rankings
