Poetry / West nile denial

I am agony. I am the thought that spurs from antagonizing, I am an apparition that is subsequently rising from the steam you generate when you breath.

Create something, say something different than the normal fasade between your split lips, just listen, I am the vision you see when you dream oh so lonely.

I am emptiness in the purest of forms, extracted from the bones of the souls less fortunate, I found an opportune time to strike and embed myself in your heart, your eyes, your tongue, I am that smell in your dwelling.

Again.. Against..

I am the form of true anguish, Pulling on the leaving coat tails of love, I am the over, the under, the in between, I am always there when you fall, I am the monster in your dreams, I am the one that holds you when you have nothing but a pillows seams, I am Love, I am hate, and everything in between.

I am eternal, as long as we breath, I am emotion, I am devotion, I am revolution in the eyes of men. Have it once or twice or thousands of times, have me when you break down and do it again.

I am everything, and in the eyes of the beholder and his brother over his shoulder, I am what makes your heart beat, but you say I’m nothing.

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November 03, 2007

Dtox

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
96	52.6% (19 votes)	0.0%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
23	M	Flowery Branch, GA	May 18

Dtox reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

I like your flow here but towards the beginning it seems more like you are more worried about the words you use rather than what you are saying…

antagonizing, I am an apparition that is subsequently

I’m not saying this is a bad choice of words but most of them are bigger than some people comprehend. so it might not make sense to everyone

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November 03, 2007

foursixquebec

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
82	84.6% (26 votes)	41.8%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
29	F	Madison, WI	June 05

foursixquebec reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

I like this. I’m the kind of person who gets very easily distracted by misspellings and typos, though, and there are a few in here. I don’t want to be nit-picky or sound rude by pointing things out, but for example, I think you meant “breathe” when you said “breath.” If you would like for me to tell you any others I noticed, I will, only if you want.

But I love the visual allure of your words. Very precise, very detailed, really puts me there. (split lips, oh so lonely, coat tails.) Those are very poignant and moving. There seems to be a rhyme scheme that comes and goes within the poem, and it kind of confused me a couple times, not sure whether it was intended to rhyme or just happened to in a few places.

Maybe at the end, “and yet you say I’m nothing” ? Just a thought. Overall, I like it. :)