Lyrics / Trying to try

raw emotion. i love it

i would do it as a poem! it is good, it is what people look loke in a hurry but they never make it anywhere

I can relate to this song so well it’s like my life story for real. I don’t really see any trouble with this song, it has a well put format and is perfectly rhymed and expressive.

I LOVE when a passage follows a set rhythm and rhyme. A lot of writers seem to lean more towards a freestyle form from what I’ve observed, so seeing this made me very happy.

It was very easy to detect and stay in a rhythm.
The ending was a very good way to close everything, and the name captivated me to read this.

“I faded out my eyes” – Favorite line.

Wonderful job.

hi there,

well it is something alot of people can relate too, and i like the fact it’s a 3 minute song..you do state your in pain but not from what,but in general i like it, especially the title,we all have to keep trying to try!!!..later,jim

I have to be honest with you—this is very high school. I think that the ambiguity of it makes it feel like it is just that sad little lonely emo kid in the corner. I think it is a good idea, it is just a matter of fixing it up and making the idea stronger or more narrative.

Not to bad of a song. Nothing stands out and makes it fantastic, but it still is a good poem/lyric and I commemorate that. If this were to be put in a song though, I would make sure the A B A B format rhymed. A couple of the lines don’t rhyme which is ok sometimes, but for that kind of structure and format, you need it to rhyme. I would say this is a poem though simply because a “song” in todays day and age consists of verses, choruses, and sometimes bridges. So if you want this to be a song, pick the focal point out and then make it repeat. Also, I think you need to clarify somehow, what you truly are feeling. I think you should add how it is effecting you with other people and your relationships. You seem to state that you don’t know how to live anymore, but how? Show us more pain in the most descriptive manner. Show us the pain instead of having us guess it. It could be affective, but it will be felt alot more if you give us an example. If you have truly been through this, then let us know your experiences through the song. Good poem though, just keep them specific!

i think it sounds more like a poem than a song but if u put tha right beat wit it mayb
i really liked ur writing
i felt tha part when u wrote about looking inside when u should of stayed out
still searching 4 tha light threw me off a bit but other than that it’s all good

well…its a little depressing with no sign of hope…if that is your type of music then okay…but there is really no conclusion…i mean, no offense but its just like whining…which is okay sometimes but the word usage would need to be a bit more to make that work…so i’d say for a revision tending to the word usuage or some sort of…um…point would be a good start…but good effort…