Poetry / MY LITTLE PONYs colostomy bag

This poem is very visceral.  Not really sure what it all means.  I get it overall, but I struggle to understand what the object is in the first part of the poem.  I’m not sure I am meant to know.

I love the juxtaposition of the my pretty pony imagery with the manure on the floor.  The disappearance of the smile on the young girl’s face replaced with disgust.  Interesting repetition of dog-skin.  Not sure what it means, perhaps equating the skin of the family pet with the skin of cows?

The imagery is very specific.  It would be beautiful if you weren’t going for ugly.  Even still it is beautiful in its ugliness.

A nice relief from the greeting card poetry that seems to dominate this website.

Keep up the good work.

Man, I don’t know what the fuck promted it, bit that was an orgasmic spiting out of vitriol.

Suits me sir.

but it is ‘congealed’

It disgusts me and I like it!  Some tweaks I would do: run it through a spell check, review for unnecessary wording (just, as, and, but, etc). I don’t quite get the lower case letters; it’s not lending to the meaning and it distracts from the comprehension.  Watch the profanity and make sure that it is following the focus of your piece; sometimes profanity is seen as a lack of other more unconventional vocabulary.  ”Fucking” in the second line works well, and I would keep one “shit,” but repeating “shit” more than once crosses the line.  Neat concept; title drew me in; nice piece.  

Well, I just learned a new word.  Thanks for the lovely image.  You have a very distinct voice, angry and hysterical.  Very clever use of point of view narrative.  Reminds me of Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life.  My only quibble would be the use of “w/” instead of writing out “with,” but I guess that’s your style.  Thanks for the read.

although the images that you portray are very vivid, i fail to see how it all connects.  i vaguely sense it’s one of those- the world sucks, we suck kind of thing but it’s a litte confusing.  

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November 18, 2006

by ernesto

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ummmm,no.lets break this poem down.”it” what is “it”...it doesnt matter,in fact its completely immaterial for our purposes.”it” can be anything you want it to be,basically the point is that whatever “it” happens to be,its using some people as anonomously and as uncaringly as if they were machines.The machine is obviously the ‘group’ of people being used and each individual part is a person.To take an even closer look,the parts of the machine are used  by the machine as insignificantly as the machine is used by the people operating it.So the person who is part of the machine is basically a bacterial organism to an ant.The car is the same metaphor,which I think drives home the fact that the metaphor is unimportant,it is the message built into it that is imortant.There is a bit of gross out humor in the fact that the dog is the leather seat-cover because most people reading it forget for a second(or forget altogether) that the dog is not the dog,in the same way that im not supposed to be a windshield in a literal way because obviously I would not be an appropriate windshield.I was hoping that by the third image in a row(the horse) people would realize that the horse also was a metaphor.Maybe this isnt clear enough.But anyway,the horse is this beatiful thing that just warms people hearts and thats great but staying with the theme of metaphor,the ponys shit is like this disgusting horrible thing and yet its of the pony,a pony who doesnt shit doesnt live.But regardless,people still want nothing to do with the ponys shit, so I thought this would be a good way to tie the whle poem up and make people realize that even though this pony we’re a part of may be great and may produce a lot of really favorable things, in order for it to function somebody has to be the ponys shit and thats fine but any self-respecting person is going to reject that role and they goddamn well should.This poem is about realizing the way social and economic clusters function and wanting more for yourself than just being a fucking bottomfeeder-”& oh what pain afflicts my heart to know that you and i are that ponys shit below, her dog skin shoes ruined”the dog skin shoes are obviously a reference to the family dog in the car metaphor.

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Maybe I’m being dense here tonight, but ..uhmmm..didn’t get it. Got a little but most..nope…didn’t do it for me. I’m sorry, maybe it’s an off night for me.

Lol, very funny but there is some grammer mistakes within the piece, unless you were looking for that effect

Ahahahahahaha.  I fucking love it.  The shit…. that’s what makes this piece a real piece.  Shit, this piece of shit is the shit.  It’s shitty in a good way.

You’re young too.  So am I, but you’re younger.  And this is damn good.  Did I mention I like the shit?

G.T. Roe

I think that you have a lot of potential. The choice of words and usage is more original than most for your age. You might want to get rid of the “what’s it all for?” because it breaks the flow of the poem. The poem is an onslaught of imagery and that line doesn’t quite fit. Plus, reconsider the “& oh what” just before “pain afflicts…” again, it’s out of place and breaks the style and mood. This poem is new and fresh, “& oh what” has an old fashioned sound.
Definately keep writing.

It’s cruel and gross!