Thank you
Poetry / Speak To Me In The Dream
Speak To Me In The Dream
Speak to me in the morning’s dawn,
At the sounding of the bells,
When the spirit of the light is spawn
And reasoning of life now dwells.
Life is full! Life is empty
We fight the current of the stream,
And dream a dream of eternal things,
And ponder our humans being.
Speak to me when sorrows screams,
In December upon the frozen lake,
When the ice of life slowly breaks,
And creates a grave of unyielding fate.
Life is empty! Life is full
We fight the current of the stream,
And damn the dream of eternal things,
And cursed our humans being.
Now Speak to me when felicity sings,
And trills the cherub’s heart,
When the shadows of the night is king,
And reasons of life are no more a dream,
And become the evidence of a humans being.
Speak to me, speak to me, In a dream…
copywritten©2006Damond Quinn
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
zahir reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Great focus! Throughout the piece the main points are repeated: ”Speak to me”, and “Life is…” It goes full circle; it’s almost debate-like, answering each point in the beginning with its opposite later on. Ties it up in a nice little bow.
I love the phrase “humans being”, and the image of a cherub’s heart being “trill”ed.
I’m a little thrown by the inconsistency of the rhyme scheme—is there a pattern that I’m missing? However, it flows well.
Really like this piece.
- add/view comments (1)
FireAtWilll013 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I personally think this is amazing. I would definitely call you a very accomplished poet. I love it! =)
-Janet
ShiningRain reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Overall I enjoy the poem. It seems as though there is a reality missing from it, but it is nice none the less.
I am thinking that there is a typo in the poem: speak to me when sorrows screams
Should this be: speak to me when sorrow screams
or
Should this be: speak to me when sorrows scream
???
I give it a 7.
granthem reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I like this piece. It has great cadence and flow and it was beatifully written. You got a little inconsistant at the end with the number of lines in each stanza but that is really not a big deal.
My only question is
“In December upon the frozen lake,
When the ice of life slowly breaks, “
Does the ice break in December?
I really likeed the poem.
Keep on writing!!
Ice_Frost_Draco reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Oye ye, I liked this poem and how it delt with dreams. The metaphores and imagry you use make the poem come alive and keeps the reader wanting more. I liked how the poem flowed and had a voice all it’s own. I did also like the rhyme that you got into the poem which isn’t always easy.
!Autumn Bubbles!
PuppetGirl reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
The only thing that doesn’t make sense to me are the ‘humans being’ lines. I would suggest maybe ‘way of being’ instead.
lolanation reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
This is a lovely poem. Hints of Frost, Keats to it _ nice linguistics. Beautiful imagery, nice twist with full/empty. I think this would be a great piece for a literary magazine.
_lisamarie_ reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I absolutely love this. I sometimes forget about the classic forms of poetry. I used to have many poems of this style, I used to have many poems in general. I think that it is nice to reconnect with the beauty of poems such as this. One bit of advice, which I may be wrong, where it says “Speak to me when sorrows screams,” I believe that is like having a double plural. It doesn’t quite equate. I believe that it should either be “sorrow screams” or “sorrows scream”. Otherwise, I feel you did an excellent job with this and feel that you have a great chance of being published. When I read it, for some reason, it made me think of Robert Frost’s poem “The Woods” (I could have the name wrong, forgive me). When you say “Life is full, life is empty” That is so true. Life is both, sometimes at different moments, but it is possible to be both at the same time. I like this and can’t wait to read more of your work.
Siriously reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Another great poem, you’re astounding me with your depth and ability to clearly paint a picture with your words!
I particularly enjoyed the following two stanzas…
“Life is full! Life is empty
We fight the current of the stream,
And dream a dream of eternal things,
And ponder our humans being.”
“Life is empty! Life is full
We fight the current of the stream,
And damn the dream of eternal things,
And cursed our humans being.”
...They show the eternal conflict of the human mind, postive versus negative…the two poles of the human psyche.
Throughly enjoyed it through and through!
Jscott reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I normally don’t like poems that ryme. I just fell that when you try to make somthing ryme it sounds forced, almost fake. Taking away from the power of the words. But the thing i love about this poem is that it dosn’t sound fake at all. Its as natural as can be. Thats a talent to have. Also there is some very good imagry that really paints a picture in your head. All in all i think you did a really good job.
Showing 1 - 10 of 14
Next →
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
14 Reviews 15 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: 7 months ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 0 Times
Ratings & Rankings
