Short Story / Robot Women From Outer Space

I think that you have a solid theme here, namely that of the idea of beauty carried to the extreme, and both the envy and disgust it creates.

However, I think that making the story longer would advance that idea much better.  Instead of telling that the alien women were cold, perhaps show the earth girl interacting with them and though that, show their coldness.

Also, just a couple of technical notes-”They chattered mindlessly like a swarm of locust…”  I understand that you’re trying to compare the noise they make when talking to the noise of locusts, however, as currently phrased it sounds as if you are comparing them to locusts that talk.

”...their flawless skin (burnt to perfection)...” is confusing imagery, as skin that is burnt can not be flawless.  Burnt skin blisters and peels.  If there is something in the alien’s world that allows this possibility then, this should be explained.

And finally, the last sentence is a bit awkward.  The narrator refers to “the little earth girl” in the same sentence that appear to contain her thoughts.

That was awful…..cute that is.  Not a typical Barbie story and creatively concocted for all other non robot women.  Love the end with the descript of the plain Earth girl…almost forced her into an extreme fit of laughter.  That made it real for me.  Wonderful, thanks for the read.

Simply put, this short story is too short. I get a vague sense of what you are trying to convey but its not made clear enough. Who is the earth girl and why does she have such a low opinion of herself for starters?

they,they,there,there…it was annoying how you kept using these words so close together.It was distracting.In the third paragraph I think ‘labotomized’ would flow better than ‘labotomy patient’.This is a very enigmatic piece & it was kind of for me a struggle to figure out the rest of the story because on its own I think this piece has an unfinished feel to it.