Poetry / Become

This is written in the first person singular point of view and the narrator should carry this out through this dramatic narrative. Instead of saying, “those eyes” or “that sexual air..” it would be more emphatic and dramatic to say “my eyes” and “my sexual air..” since the narrator is speaking about himself throughout. Yet still there is not enough detail that expresses how odd this character might be, why has he become cynical? Show us some of his cynicism and sexuality. Tell us how he responds is words that make him outrageous and can’t hold back. It’s lacking right now in detail about the character which would enhance this poem so much, let us see him and know for who he really is. Good start.