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Poetry / Ojos Azules / Blue Eyes
Ojos Azules (dedicado a Aska)
Ojos de vidrio azul
profundos, infinitos.
Porque me miran,
que me queren decir?
Porque me queman,
que quieren de mi?
Esos ojos me han hechizado,
piedras de fina Esmeralda,
me tiran sin piedad
contra roca de irrealidad.
Siento mis huesos crujir,
un dolor de muerte,
mas, prefiero sufrir
que dejar de verte.
Son tus ojos azules
que me tienen loco, loco!
Ojos de vidrio aul
matenme poco a poco!
[TRANSLATION TO ENGLISH]
Blue eyes (dedicated to Aska)
Blue eyes,
deep and infinite.
Why do you look my way,
what are you trying to say?
Why do you burn me,
what do you want from me?
Those eyes have cast their spell,
fine emerald stones,
they throw me without mercy
against rocks of no reality.
I feel my bones crack,
Pain of death,
But, I rather suffer this way
than to stop seeing you.
It’s your blue eyes
that drive me crazy, crazy!
Deep blue eyes,
kill me now slowly, slowly!
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I think it’s a lovely piece in Spanish, it’s the little things that don’t translate, like the musicality of the language, e.g. the entire second stanza in Spanish with the repetition of the “que” syllable in different words, with varied weights and inflections, that’s great; in the third stanza, with piedras and piedad and irrealidad…
You have Esmerelda capitalized in the Spanish version, which made me think of the character first, rather than the stone, particularly since we’re talking blue eyes, rather than green.
The rhyming suddenly appearing in the last two stanzas bothered me. I liked those better in English. Well, actually, I kinda liked it in the last stanza. That one’s great either way.
Well executed. Do more!
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i think the english fits much better here then your previous poem. :) i love the line “they throw me without mery against rocks of no reality” Wow!
The whole thing is very discriptive and powerful.
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