The Item you were looking for is marked as mature. If you are 18 or older please login to view it.

Poetry / Ojos Azules / Blue Eyes

Ojos Azules (dedicado a Aska)

Ojos de vidrio azul
profundos, infinitos.

Porque me miran,
que me queren decir?
Porque me queman,
que quieren de mi?

Esos ojos me han hechizado,
piedras de fina Esmeralda,
me tiran sin piedad
contra roca de irrealidad.

Siento mis huesos crujir,
un dolor de muerte,
mas, prefiero sufrir
que dejar de verte.

Son tus ojos azules
que me tienen loco, loco!
Ojos de vidrio aul
matenme poco a poco!

[TRANSLATION TO ENGLISH]

Blue eyes (dedicated to Aska)

Blue eyes,
deep and infinite.

Why do you look my way,
what are you trying to say?
Why do you burn me,
what do you want from me?

Those eyes have cast their spell,
fine emerald stones,
they throw me without mercy
against rocks of no reality.

I feel my bones crack,
Pain of death,
But, I rather suffer this way
than to stop seeing you.

It’s your blue eyes
that drive me crazy, crazy!
Deep blue eyes,
kill me now slowly, slowly!

You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.

Reviews

Sort Reviews by  Newest |  Oldest |  Highest Quality |  Lowest Quality |  Newest Comments | 

 
AdamYates avatar General Stranger

December 28, 2006

AdamYates

personal info reviewer stats
AdamYates reviewed Version 3 - Read 100%% of the Item
This 156 word review has not been unlocked.
ae avatar General Stranger

November 24, 2006

ae Prolific-icon-medium

personal info reviewer stats
ae reviewed Version 3 - Read 100%% of the Item

I think it’s a lovely piece in Spanish, it’s the little things that don’t translate, like the musicality of the language, e.g. the entire second stanza in Spanish with the repetition of the “que” syllable in different words, with varied weights and inflections, that’s great; in the third stanza, with piedras and piedad and irrealidad…

You have Esmerelda capitalized in the Spanish version, which made me think of the character first, rather than the stone, particularly since we’re talking blue eyes, rather than green.

The rhyming suddenly appearing in the last two stanzas bothered me.  I liked those better in English.  Well, actually, I kinda liked it in the last stanza.  That one’s great either way.

Well executed.  Do more!

barb avatar General Friend

November 07, 2006

barb

personal info reviewer stats
barb reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

i think the english fits much better here then your previous poem. :)  i love the line “they throw me without mery against rocks of no reality”  Wow!
The whole thing is very discriptive and powerful.

Showing 1 - 3 of 3

Creator
Mr_O avatar

Mr_O

Age: 47
Loc: Oswego, IL
Gen: M
Last Login: April 19
Relevant Links
Item Stats

GENERAL

2 Reviews 0 Comments
Version 3
Latest Activity: over 2 years ago

REVIEW QUEUE

Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 0 Times
Large_criteria Ratings & Rankings
Versions
Version 3
Version 2
Version 1
Tags

There are no tags for this item.