Poetry / imagine

Wow…that was really good.  I liked it a lot.  It was very powerful.  It was also very descriptive.

Does someone your age really feel this way about God?  I’m curious, are these really your feelings or feelings others tell you you’re supposed to feel?  I mean no disrespect, I really am curious.  I actually freaks me out that you’re only 15 and you wrote a poem like this about God.

‘just to be in his presence of the most powerful God’  this is grammatically incorrect.  You might try ’ just to in the presence of the most powerful God’

‘Do you want it so much that you can just taste it!’  The exclamation point is used incorrectly.  Either use a question mark or leave it with out punctuation like other lines.

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November 20, 2006

by tyishachy1

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17	F	Lima, OH	January 26

its not used incorrectly it sopose to have a question mark you are sopose to be excited about it. yes i do feel that way about god. and if it freaks you out then mayb you should stay away from poetry about god.

November 20, 2006

by tyishachy1

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
40	66.7% (3 votes)	23.1%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
17	F	Lima, OH	January 26

its not used incorrectly it sopose to have a question mark you are sopose to be excited about it. yes i do feel that way about god. and if it freaks you out then mayb you should stay away from poetry about god.

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nice little rant.
images.  images.  images.  you need color and images. you need to tell me what you would image He would be like. please, for God’s sake, don’t let this be another poet’s sad attempt to reflect on his greatness.  do your best i say. your best. you can’t preach or lead with this.  nope.  it’s so inhumane. i know you’re fifteen but i also know that the Spirit in you is completely mature, so add some of yourself to it, make it real.
good luck.

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November 18, 2006

by tyishachy1

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17	F	Lima, OH	January 26

it was real and it was me thats how i feel and you would understand that if you were a christian

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this is a very moving poem, a subject that is classic.  i’m sure there is a time in every person’s life that they feel the want to be face to face with the Creator.  One change though- capitalize Most High, Most Powerful, and His.  after all, you are referring to the Almighty.

I appreciate the sentiment of this poem, but I wonder if it could become even more powerful of a poem by becomeing more concrete.

One of the (many) amazing things about Christianity IMO is the fact that the Most High (whom the Jews could not even depict except symbolically) in fact became touchable. And then there is the fact that to touch “the hands of the most powerful” is to touch hands that bear nail scars.

I’m also not so sure about the questions at the end. Why not let the Reality speak for itself, and let the readers draw their own conclusions?

Still, religious poetry is hard to do well, and I think you have a good beginning. Keep at it!

it is very ispiring because it is good to hear about god. I think this piece is very orginized