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Short Story / Friday at Romano's
Part 1 – Her
1
From the anonymity of the mirror above the bar, sitting on a padded chrome barstool, Maddy browsed the room. Sipping a champagne cocktail, she smiled inwardly, without checking her watch she knew Sandy was late. He was such a contradiction it made her giggle; he was always exactly 30 minutes late.
Romano’s was never Maddy’s style of bar, too quiet and shady. A born again club junkie much more at ease in the tense pumping world of the strobe next door. Despite being a good ten years older than most, dance was her drug of choice.
At a little after seven a middle aged salesman had approached her eager to show her a ‘good’ time. She couldn’t really blame him for trying; who wouldn’t find her an attractive sight tonight. Momentarily she admired her seductive art in the mirror, still feeling the embers of satisfaction inside. Despite his interest she had been polite and declined his kind offer graciously, he had known the answer before asking but she gave him full marks for trying.
Her reflected audience was sparse but growing slowly, a small group of office singles chilling out amongst the yellowing walls and peeling ceiling paint. Winding down after a long week at work before hitting the club scene till sunrise; she would have enjoyed leading them astray a few years back.
She found a dark romantic corner, occupied by a couple of lonely overnight executives. Maxed out on testosterone, their dress sense clearly left behind with their wives. Imaginary sticky notes warned visitors not to feed the monkeys, if they were honest they knew they were flat out heading for an early night.
The champagne tickle reminding her to make a silent salute to fallen heroes, toasting the mirror behind the bar followed by a genuine pause before returning the glass to the counter. How many years? she thought, always too many.
Waiting was something Maddy was used to, she did so much of it she felt like she had a sleep mode. Concentrate and soak in her surroundings, or recall and analyze past events. Either way the outside world simply saw a happy smiling girl waiting for her date as the hands of time plodded on.
The train ride into town had been uneventful as usual, an array of different characters each heading in different directions. The excited young girl, had been dressed for the evening; a lucky someone was in for some pleasure. The pair of working guys heading home, whether married or single they both appeared resigned that their excitement was over for another week. The old couple could easily have been on the way to play the casino slots, they didn’t speak, was that something a couple lost after a certain anniversary.
At what age had she stopped day dreaming? was it just her or did the world one day suddenly become too serious. Now-a-days whenever you asked someone they were always thinking, never dreaming. Maddy thought about this a lot, she supposed it was the transition from youthful optimism to adult reality. Unanswered thoughts never disappeared though, collecting evidence here and there in the hope of reaching a conclusion. Tonight, it crossed her mind that dreams were a currency that became harder to earn, the hundred things to do before dying eventually crossed off, new dreams harder to add to the list. A slight shiver passed across her shoulders, just under the skin as another jigsaw puzzle piece slotted into place. If we stop dreaming it must be because we can see an end is in sight.
Just as her thoughts started to take a serious tack, the background club music dragged her back to the bar, a favourite groovy track reaching out to find her. Maddy’s mind cleared instantly, her body just wanted to climb inside the music, tumble around freely amongst the words and rhythm. Subconsciously tapping the bar, mouthing the words, restraining her feet to a subtle ankle rap; there would be more of this tonight.
“Maddy, my little lady how are you tonight, you look fantastic” Sandy had arrived
“Hi darling” Maddy reached around and gave Sandy a group hug and kiss
Sandy held her close, enjoying her soft embrace before separating slightly and examining her thoroughly.
Holding his shoulders Maddy examined him back “Oh look at you, you can talk, is that a new shirt?”
“Of course darling, you know me, always ahead of the pack.” Doing a discreet yet confident shimmy of the shoulders, he enjoyed wearing good clothes and being noticed.
Ordering a drink from the barman Sandy leant against the bar and reviewed the clientele “Anyone of interest in tonight?”
“Not yet, the young office club are a little too excitable for me, they’ll drink too much, become horrid little boys and obnoxious girls and be no use to anyone by midnight.” Taking a sip, grinning she added “They might be something for you to watch later!”
Sandy snapped his face round to hers “tsssst, you know me so well”
“I saw George on the way in I might just go and say hi, if you need me I’ll be around, okay.” he waited patiently for Maddy to respond with an accepting smile and a gentle nod, she said to his back “Say hi to George for me”
He didn’t stop but simply turned, smiled and then was gone; she was alone again. This time for Maddy though, all her friends were now here, there was nothing more but waiting for the right opportunity.
2
Halfway through the glass of champagne, Maddy was by no means a heavy drinking regular of the bar. As the night progressed the bar filled with more of the same elements and a few new ones.
Once again deep in thought, this time about the many times she had been here on a Friday night. Her first visits had been as a city based secretary, once one of the new faces hiding in the shadow of the door with her friends. As time passed her sexy singles pad in the city transformed into a more sedate share house in the suburbs. With the addition of a few body comfort pads her status in the bar had been raised to a table whilst a couple or now a singles stool.
She watched a small group of suits a little further up the food chain enter the bar, hovering around laughing and joking, before claiming a table out of sight around the back of the centre wall. They were persons of interest, a couple of fit looking guys and a pretty girl attached to a rather chumpy shortie.
Resuming her study of the ‘No.7’ logo on the mirror she questioned the previous six recipes, what was wrong with them, had they stopped at seven, how did they know this would be the most successful mix. Sandy knew such trivia, she might ask him on his next visit. As kids she hated his ability to hold ridiculous snippets of information, never remembering anything of value. Their diplomatic mum had quoted someone ‘People are born with special abilities, if they recognise them, accept and use them, they will be successful’. Sandy certainly lived that motto, a gossip columnist for the top women’s magazine, he could embellish the slightest hint of a story with facts dating back years from his human archive.
On key Sandy returned “Hey babe, fancy a dance”
“Later, I think I will be dancing tonight” a smile warming her face Maddy looked her brother lovingly in the eye and asked “Have you made up with George then?”
“Hmm, Well, Hmm”
Taking Sandy’s hands in her own, looking softly into his dark eyes she could always see the pain behind his bubbly façade. Knowing him so well at times didn’t know him at all, it all took time to seep out but he eventually told her everything. She had been the first he’d told when he thought he was attracted to guys. The first when he’d done it, almost as excited as when they got their first dog.
“He thinks I’m cheating on him, that’s why he lost it and walked away, I don’t exactly know how I’m supposed to convince him I’m not. I kiss everyone, I’m emotional and happy to share my feelings naturally but he sees it all as sexual.” Pulling a fake smile with high expressive eyebrows, he rocked his head from side to side indicating he was a little lost. Maddy thought he looked so cute when he did this and gave him another warm cuddle, this time much more affectionate.
She whispered in his ear “Don’t give up. If you know its right, it’ll work out. Just keep trying”
Taking a fresh drink from the barman, Sandy returned to his gaggle. Maddy watched him get sucked into the throng, his bubbles working overtime once again. George caught her eye across the room and she smiled, he smiled back, she knew they would be fine one way or another.
A familiar shirt, modern expensive check pattern, suddenly blocked her vision, rocking back to her regular position she automatically adjusted the top of her dress, girlishly collected the loose strands of hair and pushed them back over her shoulder. Feeling slightly cramped, Maddy moved her eyes to the security of the mirror and locked onto another pair looking straight back. The eye contact was nice it told her he was confident, he had nice eyes too which didn’t hurt and Looking away as he leaned in to place his order, the tell tale signs of his attraction made her feel warm inside.
What would follow, he’d try to touch her somehow, make it seem like a necessary action to protect her. He might make some wise crack comment about not wanting to spill anything down such a nice dress. Hovering expecting her to lead him on, he would suggest he had to drop off his friend’s drinks before returning to take up the stool next to her.
He did have a nice body, tall and healthy, he probably also has a nice absent girlfriend, she smiled slightly. His fingers rested gently on her left shoulder, his predicted touch was very simple almost gentlemanly. Twisting slightly back towards his chest she allowed his tray of drinks to slip past, his hands strong with slender fingers, his deodorant a modern perfumed one.
Maddy watched as he left, sneaking a coy look into his face confirming interest; she surely would be dancing tonight.
Part 2 – Him
1
Steve and Jack met Emily and Jim at the entrance to the bar, slipping inside they continued their boisterous chat as they acclimatised to the low lighting and background beat from the disco next door.
Spotting a table they headed swiftly through the throng of door clingers and took up residency, after a good ten minutes Steve finally got a drinks order assembled. Only the second stop on the mad Friday tour but he was already feeling a little bored.
Approaching the bar Steve spotted a silk mini dress with a pair of legs to die for, he waited for a gap to appear and then stood over her shoulder. She must have felt his presence, instinctively checking her dress and flicking her hair over her collar.
His eyes met hers in the whisky mirror as if by accident, locked in combat for a heartbeat longer than normal. Acknowledging this stolen moment they both smile and look away, Steve felt a wave of happiness pass down to his toes.
The barman asks Steve for his order, leaning over for him to hear he can smell her perfume, the words trip over his tongue before finally managing to force them out. Once placed Steve immediately feels relief, the spotlight moved to some other lucky punter. The confidence of anonymity returning enough to risk sneaking another glance in the mirror of dreams. All he sees are the glowing crystals of her smiling eyes looking innocently back.
His order is delivered to the drip tray at her right shoulder and his payment processed. To warn of his impending visitation to her personal space, Steve lightly touches her left shoulder and feels her warm, soft, delicate skin beneath the silky dress. She moves almost subconsciously into Steve’s temporary embrace, the apple of her hair hits his nostrils and his body looses the desire to move. He pushes himself on, leaving her alone in their space, struggling to control his arm as he maneuvers the drinks intact.
Sensing Steve’s job is done the girl turns to see him off. He in turn seeks the reward of a last look, perhaps the last smile she will ever make just for him.
Seeing her date return as he vacates the area, Steve imagines the jealous question on his lips will never be asked.
2
Returning from this initial encounter Steve disbursed the drinks to his friends and reclaimed his chair. Saddened by the lack of a view of the bar he tried to return his attention to the current topic until he discovered a reflected pathway via a long wall mirror. Despite the poor lighting and multiple reflections he could plainly picture her face in the whiskey mirror where they first met.
As his group talked he watched, her body language was settled and comfortable as only that of a long term partner could be; was she married ? he didn’t see. Her movement showed she knew somewhere, someone was watching her. He watched her casual glances around the bar, nothing dramatic so as to distract her partner but nonetheless she was intrigued and wanted the answer.
Normally a shy person Steve couldn’t take his eyes off her image in the mirror; was he remembering those eyes or were they truly penetrating the depths of optical magic. Begging for one genuine look made just for him, as the minutes passed his hopes diminished. His head started the process letting down his heart as to what was never to be.
Just as all hope was gone there she was, plain as day staring as straight back as two mirrors could allow; her partner had once again left her momentarily alone and stranded. The thoughts that passed in the next exclusive seconds, when she was his and he was hers, were preciously recorded and archived as the memory of the day. Anything more would be pure profit.
3
For thirty minutes thay had checked each other out, shyness lost within the first few minutes confident that it wasn’t just one way perving. He dared her to look mid-way through a deep and meaningful conversation with her partner and, as though being signaled, she would oblige. Then it was her turn, concentrating on the local conversation to protect his secret, he would feel her. Her eyes penetrating the atmosphere like cats eyes on a deserted highway until he could bear it no more, each time their eyes meet sparks flew inside his head.
There was something mysterious and sexy in the way she looked, not just the usual good looking girl but more, a deeper more sensual experience; the difference a real lamb’s wool rug brings to a roaring log fire.
After looking away for a moment, his gaze returned but this time she was gone, instantly his heart responded, pierced deep by a thin knife, his breathing became pressured and heavy. His shoulders slightly collapsed, the ability to smile suddenly foreign. He consoled himself with one lasting memory, warmness in his groin, which would take a few hours to subside.
Steve took a drink, settled back into his chair, mellow and distracted he started to convince his heart life goes on. Suddenly without warning she appeared, not in the mirrors but in person standing at his table. Swallowing the mouthful of drink quickly to ensure he didn’t spit it out, he directed an automatic smile on his face her way. Smart enough to address the lady of the table, Maddy advised Emily the barman thought Steve may have left his keys on the bar.
To the raised eyebrows of his friends, Steve followed her back to the place they first met, her partner gone yet again. At the bar she turned, took his eyes with hers and showed him the corridor into the hotel and whispered. ‘5 minutes’
Before turning to walk back to his friends Steve removed his keys from his jeans, at the table he slipped them deliberately back into his pocket making an effort to ensure they all noticed. Without sitting he made excuses for a trip to the toilet and headed off nervously excited by the prospect of a new adventure.
Following her down the hallway, she led him through a door into a small dark room. Turning slowly she hesitated, unsure at the moment that counted. He took her cheeks in his hands, thumbs under her eyes. Bending slowly towards her lips he closed his eyes, wondering if the taste would be as sweet as he hoped.
Part 3 – Them
His lips felt somehow detached, almost as if they were rushing ahead. His mind calculating the softness of her lightly coloured cushions, floating in a swirling haze from a different world.
He could smell her perfume once again, feeling her move towards him in slow motion, paradise coming, he wanted to enjoy every moment of this first kiss. Her lips were firm and coarse and at an odd angle, he realised her fingers were on his lips to stop him.
Opening his eyes, her wide, clear emerald crystals stared back, her pupils large and innocent. She knew he was confused and took charge of the words.
“Will you dance with me?” she asked softly
Uncertain he’d heard her correctly or even understand what she meant Steve replied cautiously “I’m sorry.. what…”
“Will you dance with me in the club next door?” Maddy repeated
Taking a subtle step back, reluctantly letting go of her incredible face, he grinned and clarified “Dance as in boogie boogie dance?”
With a cheeky smile and little giggle she managed to extend the word “Yes” into three long seductive syllables
Looking around not sure how to react, Steve took in the room, it appeared to be more a darkened passage, a door on the far wall surrounded by shelving filled with cleaning supplies and toilet equipment.
After a pause that was neither uncomfortable nor cold he looked back at her, released a deep sigh and smiled in an accepting contented way “Okay so what’s the story, doesn’t your boyfriend dance?”
“No, my brother doesn’t dance” expecting the question she knew the answer came out a little too quickly
“Do you regularly pick up guys just to dance with?” his tone not completely serious. His mind completely thrown, ran through the extent of this almost ridiculously strange offer.
“Look, I want to dance.” she moved closer and took Steve’s hands “You look like a good partner, you move well, fit, strong and gentle. It will be fun!”
They looked at each other smiling for another long minute before Steve broke the silence “What are the rules?”
“Rules? No rules, on the dance floor we dance to anything that is played, I am yours and you are mine, everything else we make up as we go” relief had already started to spread throughout her body, Maddy knew he was hooked, this was going to be a great night.
Taking her hand formally and introduced himself “I’m Steve”
“Maddy” kissing him gently but firmly on his cheek she turned on her heels and pulled him out through the distant door.
The wave of sound hit them instantly, the end of the short dark corridor was sparking with flashing lights, moving closer the beat excited their bodies. As they emerged next to the amenities in the corner of a crowded dance club, Steve felt possessed, it had been a while but his heart had tuned into the throbbing all around.
Maddy turned, slipping her arms around his neck and pulled his ear to her mouth, she wanted to whisper but had to shout. “I’ll leave my shoes in the corner, you ready?”
Not knowing what he’d signed up for but game to enjoy, Steve nodded. Thankful for the small Dutch courage earlier, he watched Maddy wriggling out of her heels and admired her body in more detail than he’d dared to to-date. A nice shapely girl, not deathly slim, her curvaceous breasts were a good handful but her confidence made it all work so well.
Maddy returned with a ‘what-chu-looking at’ look on her face, Steve just grinned and offered her the dance floor. Making their way out into the mass of writhing bodies, hopping and bouncy, shaking and rolling, erratic and controlled but all to the same beat. By the time they found some space they were both in the rhythm of the floor, another language, another world, the population joined by an invisible birth right.
Released by the excitement of the notes, the meaning of the words, Maddy’s body moved unhindered by her brain, each phrase influencing a new direction. Steve watched as she transformed, the strobes sought her out, lights splashed across her face, there was something very special about this girl.
Moving into him, joining at the hips, arching her back and encouraging him to move even more. She forced him to react, feel and relax until he finally something broke free inside. Years of inhibition and restrained movement wiped away, he felt higher than he’d ever felt, cut loose he wanted more.
As the music changed, so did their style, from high energy modern to classic heavy duty and back, the DJ certainly knew his job catering to all tastes seamlessly. After hours of sweating and throbbing, with only an occasional break of replenishing water they knew the end was coming. Steve had left his friends and although they’d assume the best he’d have a great deal of difficulty explaining this experience.
The DJ announced the club was closing, a couple of tracks to allow patrons to leave at their leisure, the romantically inclined would stay clinging to the highlight whilst the serious dance freaks would move on quickly. Maddy exhausted, her emotions drained, was running on adrenaline. Steve the same, he wanted to hold her closer than was possible. He’d shared every experience possible on the dance floor with this creature, he just wanted to be still and stop with her for a while.
Wrapped around each other, they slowly rocked and twisted as they each expressed the meaning of the song to the other. Brushing lips, kissing deeply, sucking on ears and nibbling necks, it wasn’t so much a sexual act but an emotional expression.
The time came, they both knew, to leave. The exit lead them to a well lit side street. The road wet from a light shower, the trance from inside the club broke instantly by the cool night air. Standing, uncomfortable for the first time a metre apart, each ready to move unsure which way to go or what to say, strangers once again. Finally Maddy broke the silence “Thank you, that really was great”
“Yer it was pretty good, you need a cab?” Steve knew it would be impossible to imitate the love they had shared on that floor, it would be wrong to try.
“No I’m fine I have wheels” she lied, reaching over to kiss him on the cheek. Looking one last time into his eyes she smiled, turned and walked away.
Steve watched her float away, never before had he experienced anything quite like tonight, a real one off special event.
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jkazimer reviewed Version 2 -
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Nice. Maddy is a well fleshed out character, and I only found a few spelling issues… (just kidding).
I did however, find some grammar edits, mostly commas and semi-colons. For your reviewers notes, I’m guess that is what you want.
Here they are:
At a little after seven(,) a middle
Momentarily(,) she
monkeys,(;) if they
uneventful as usual,(;) an array of different
excited young girl, (no comma) had been
dreaming? (Was)was it just her
we stop dreaming(,) it must
night progressed(,) the bar
Once again(,) deep in thought,
few body comfort pads(,) her status
As kids(,) she hated
multiple reflections(,) he could
married ? (He)he didn’t see.
she was his(,) and
Without sitting(,) he
her mouth,(;) she wanted to
By the time(,) they found
sucking on ears(,) and nibbling
Finally(,) Maddy broke
his eyes(,) she smiled
Okay, now I have two comments on the work itself. One is the dialogue. For the most part, it was fine. But one line in particular hit me as not realistic.
“Maddy, my little lady(,) how are you tonight,(.) (You)you look fantastic”
This is probably me, but I hate teh little lady reference. I hate that anyone would use it. It sets me on edge.
Okay, my second thought surrounds an overall lack of real spark. The writing is good, tight, with the right amount of description and narration, but I just didn’t’ get into it as much as I would have liked. And really, that is a reflect one me, not you. But I didn’t feel like much occurred, it could have been any night at any place. I’m in no way saying it was bad, but just not really memorable.
Anyways, good luck with it.
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Lizzyerd reviewed Version 1 -
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November 09, 2006
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Soosoo reviewed Version 1 -
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Overall, well written. You defintely have the bar setting down and the atmosphere.
I think Mandy is written well, the inner workings of this character are apparant.
The HER, HIM and THEM chapters was interesting – in a good way.
The seduction and the connection being built by the two main characters was intriguing.
One slight note: there is so much description that it weighs down the story/rythm slightly. But this really is just preference on my part.
I enjoyed your work.
THOTHGUARD51 reviewed Version 1 -
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Ok, not sure what difference there are between US and Australian grammar or how to show a story, but here are some comments that are obvious.
1…I find your drifting in and out of show vs tell in some spots, and I think the problem is where you start using past tense verbs while in present tense of storytelling. This draws away from the show aspect and takes the reader into a telling of the story. Try to maintain present tense, even when thinking back where possible.
2…Your a bit wordy where not needed, meaning some sentences could be cut shorter to make the reading quicker and more to the point. An example….
Maddy turned round, slipped her arms around his neck and pulled his ear to her mouth, she should have whispered but had to shout.
round is unneeded after turned…we know what she did. Also, you could break this sentence up, Try something like this….
Maddy turned and slipped her arms around his neck. Pulling on his ear playfully with her lips, she wanted to whisper, but had to shout.
Remember, Strunk and White’s Elements of Style…say more with less. Or something like that.
Its not a bad story and you do know how to structure sentences and paragraphs well. Most of what I noted is easily fixed, and are just an opinion of one person. Keep up the good work.
cdnsurfer reviewed Version 1 -
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Third person POV has so much range, but you stick to Maddy like it was a first person POV. We are stuck hearing her and only moving around in her. Now, that can be okay, but we don’t want to be stuck only in her head, but to see and visualize the world in which she interacts. Show us the colour. Don’t tell us what Maddy thinks is the colour. Show us, the reader.
Thanks for sharing. Hope you get what I’m saying. Good luck.
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