Poetry / bounce

Poet is really pouring his heart out hee.One can feel the pain and loss..Perhaps being in the navy so long and away from home left her alone to long..After retirement..try again with her or someone new,,I do like your work.momsgirl2

Yes, I can say that I’m sure a lot of us have gone through a simillar situation as you described in your piece.  This poem was sad, depressing and very emotional…readers can feel that pain and yearning to be loved by the person whom is no longer in their life.  I’m all for metaphors and visual imagery to see and feel the messages and emotions of pieces…but in this case, I didn’t think it was necessary…because your delivery of words were powerful and I thought it was strong enough to draw readers into your emotional world.  Great job.  I also liked how you started each stanza with the phrase “i’m tired.”  Repeating that phrase makes a strong impact on your piece..and it draws readers to feel your pain and weary heart.  As far as the message in the piece, I have to say that finding love and needing to be loved from someone else is not truly fulfilling, because this dependency superfically fills the void within is.  When that person leaves our lives, so does that love and happiness.  So we have to find that love and happiness within ourselves. (At least that’s just based on my own personal experience)  I really liked this piece.  Your work seems to describe raw emotions…keep writing. Great job!

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December 14, 2006

by notmrright

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41	M	Baltimore, MD	November 25

I agree with your assessment of where love originally springs, but truthfully this poem was to me, to remind myself that I can get back up and move on.  And I’ve done just that, although I miss the access to those places in me which were the origin of these words.

December 14, 2006

by untoldstory

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I’m glad to hear that you’ve successfully overcome that situation/part of your life.  I too, can say that it is during those difficult, painful experiences where we rediscover our strength and resiliency…which we always had inside of us.  I agree…the most emotional work I write also comes from the most difficult times…our pain and emotions are directed into words and onto paper…and that’s powerful.  Keep writing! I look forward to reading more of your work.

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It sounds like you are speaking of how we need somebody in our lives to make us feel complete and whole. I also get the sense that you are speaking of somebody you loved once before as an escape and you are asking for another chance to prove you can be so much more if only you could be a part of them once again. Nice work.

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December 14, 2006

by notmrright

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
30	100.0% (9 votes)	11.6%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
41	M	Baltimore, MD	November 25

Yes, actually it was in response to a few failed relationships, some of which were very important.  It was me reminding myself that I would be ok and back up to more ahead again soon.  I’m usually the leader of the pack, and I feel I have a responsibility both to myself and others to get back up and go on.

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i liked this poem but it seems to me that you are looking in the wrong place for love don’t look to other people for love to make you whole look to GGod and he will make you whole and make you feel loved. but the first step i think to doing that is first loving yourself.