Sci Fi & Fantasy / Rayfia

Chapter One:
The Giant Fairy
        Legend says fairies (all shapes, sizes, styles) are born from tears of happiness, but all fairies know they’ve been around longer than humans.  Legends also say fairies are angels cast from heaven for refusing to fight in the Great War, but all fairies know that can’t be true.  Fact is, fairies have been here so long, they don’t know where they come from, or where their magic comes from, or why some have wings and some don’t.  The fairies in this story, happy as they are, have long stopped wondering.  
        When humans began to get interesting, they caused quite a stir in the Great Wood where a rather large clan of fairies ruled.  Some clans of good and bad fairies had already met humans.  Some clans had grown quite familiar with them.  Humans and fairies in some parts had developed a close relationship with rules and strategies to keep the peace.  But the fairies of the Great Wood had not yet had the pleasure.  They had never heard of humans.  All they worried about was each other, and dragon flies, toad stools, wine and dancing.  The clan of the Great Wood was far enough removed they didn’t often get invited to meetings of other clans, and communication wasn’t that good.  Only very special occasions caused the fairy clans to meet.  A human was certainly not considered a special occasion by most of the modernized fairies.  Humans were much too easy to manipulate to be a threat of any kind to a fairy—even a stupid fairy need not fear them.
        Rayfia Pendiboo Adnigrass Oakenwood (everyone knows that fairies take their time picking out their names and some can’t quite decide and take several. This is the case with Rayfia.  She just felt one name simply was not enough for a fairy as wonderful as she) was the most beautiful of all the pixies in the Great Wood—and the only lavender one.  Long and lean at 8 inches tall, Rayfia towered over most other pixies.  She loved to wear lavender flower petals as dresses to match her lavender eyes.  Her long silver hair flowed like a river (a tiny one) down her back between her beautiful lavender and pink butterfly shaped wings.  Rayfia took great care to eat only the best of foods to make her fairy dust glow the brightest of all.  All the boy fairies were madly in love with her, and the girl fairies were green with envy.  Since fairies live for thousands of years, along with picking names, they take their time picking mates…and some can’t quite decide and take several. This is the case with Rayfia.  She just felt one mate simply was not enough for a fairy as wonderful as she.
        Rayfia and her clan lived so deep in the wood; they missed all of human development up to this point.    They missed the creation of the wheel, fire, cooking, and even music making—which the modernized fairies loved most of all.  It wasn’t until man began to settle in and spread that Rayfia ever saw a human.
        While hunting dragonflies, Rayfia, Juli’Ook, Mariup, and Dandican stumbled upon a clearing that just wasn’t there the last time they hunted.  In the clearing sat some strange kind of cave made from cut trees!  What could be so powerfully magic it could make trees do that?  An odd smell surrounded the clearing and the scent of burning, like after lightning strikes, wafted on the air.  In the middle of the clearing a unicorn with no horn and the color of a deer, stomped and grazed on the tall grass (everyone knows that all unicorns are either white or black).  Unicorns without horns are horses, but Rayfia and her friends didn’t know that.  There was a long stretch of rope connected to the side of the wooden cave, but the most shocking thing of all about the clearing was hanging something over the rope.  Mariup—a green wood pixie, and not the smartest of her kind—gasped, “That is the biggest wingless fairy I have ever seen!”  The creature in the clearing stood slightly shy of a bear, but was the biggest thing on two legs the four had ever seen.  
Dandican—a blue wood pixie who couldn’t wait to get on Rayfia’s mate list—whispered, “It’s shaped like a fairy, but doesn’t seem to fly at all” Rayfia just watched in wonderment.  
        The giant wingless fairy was actually a human.  There was nothing special about her in human terms.  She was quite beautiful and when she moved, (walked with her feet, absolutely no flying!) her hips sway gently.  She carried a basket of wet cloth that she kept hanging on the long rope and the hem of her heavy dress danced in the dry, dusty sand.  Her lustrous curled blond hair hung loosely from her hair clasp and small beads of perspiration (Dew! Dew on that giant fairy!) trickled down her neck.
        The four pixies’ mouths gaped open in complete surprise and shock, and three little pixie hearts beat with fear.  Just imaging the kind of powers a fairy THAT big would have!  Was she a good fairy or a bad one?  Were there more of her?  What kind of Clan did she have?  What kind of magic do they weave?  How long will she stay in the Great Wood?  What is wrong with that poor Unicorn?
But one fairy was not frightened at all.  Not only was Rayfia the most beautiful of all her clan, but she was the smartest as well.  Rayfia took one look at the giant and knew this was no fairy.  She drifted closer to the giant to get a better look.  Juli’Ook—a yellow pixie so sensible as to almost be no fun at all—snatched Rayfia back.  “We must go to the Mage and report this at once!  He may want to convene the Grand Counsel!  This is shocking and we must find out what this will mean to the Great Wood!”  Mariup and Dandican, who were still shocked about the giant fairy, were even more shocked that Juli’Ook thought the Grand Counsel would convene.
Every fairy clan has a Mage assigned to it by the Queen of the Realm of Fey.  The Mage is, whenever possible, the same type of fairy as the clan they are serving, but all fairies know that it takes many hundreds of years to become a Mage so there aren’t that many to choose from.  The Mage in Rayfia’s clan was, at that time, a winged fairy (winged fairies are slightly smaller than humans and are a bit less playful than pixies) named Rabbin.  He was appointed by the Queen to serve in the Great Wood two hundred and twelve years ago, which is about a week in human terms.  All clans of the Realm of Fey have at least one Mage to teach, guide, and help them.  The Mages make up the Grand Counsel, which convenes whenever something drastic happens to help the Queen in making decisions that affect her realm.  Each clan elects apprentices to assist the Mage in his or her tasks and the best of these (picked by the Mage) eventually learn the High Magic (forbidden to be used by anyone but a Mage). There are 7 apprentices and several hundred fairies in Rayfia’s clan.  On the Grand Counsel there are seven thousand and one Mages.  The last Grand Counsel convention was 934, 127 years ago, which is a long time even for a fairy.
Rayfia pulled away from Juli’Ook and laughed her clear tinkling laugh.  She flew right up to the giant and hovered in open wonderment.  She positioned herself about a fairy’s arm length away from those beautiful golden curls for better inspection.  Rayfia, like all fairies, was attracted to beautiful and unique things.  These curls were definitely unique.  She was so enthralled with the giant’s curls that she forgot to chant her invisibility spell.  This is why the giant was so surprised when she turned around and saw the very beautiful Rayfia inches away from the end of her nose.  Dandican, Juli’Ook, and Mariup covered their eyes in fear and dread.  What would the Mage do to poor Rayfia for being so bold in the face of this unknown danger?  Dandican was worried most of all.

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hellbunny avatar General Stranger

January 04, 2008

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June 26, 2007

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November 24, 2006

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November 22, 2006

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November 21, 2006

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Gavinswar avatar General Stranger

November 21, 2006

Gavinswar

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats
Gavinswar reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

You have a cute premise on your hands, but it still needs some work to come across as a must read.
First it seems like you tell too much at times, example “Unicorns without horns are horses, but Rayfia and her friends didn’t know that.”
I am sure there are easier ways to convey this message without interrupting the flow of the paragraph.
You first mention that fairies live for thousands of years, then mention that years pass differently and hundreds pass in mere weeks. This doesn’t make sense, if its true then in the moments they spent observering the human, many days would have passed, sound believable? It just can’t be especially living in the same world with other creatures where time is measured by the revolutions of the planet, and corresponding rise and fall of the sun. Which must happen in this world being as the fairy dust glows (indictitive of darkness)
Next problem: “There are 7 apprentices and several hundred fairies in Rayfia’s clan.  On the Grand Counsel there are seven thousand and one Mages.  The last Grand Counsel convention was 934, 127 years ago, which is a long time even for a fairy.”
It has way too many numbers to digest at one time, it make the reader want to skip to the next line.
Well I hope i helped
Good luck
Gavinswar

NineCalaveras avatar General Friend

November 20, 2006

NineCalaveras

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NineCalaveras reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

“It’s shaped like a fairy, but doesn’t seem to fly at all”
Period after ‘all’.

“She was quite beautiful and when she moved,(walked with her feet, absolutely no flying!) her hips sway gently.”
Comma after ‘beautiful’.  ’Sway’ should be ‘swayed’.

A cute and simple beginning.  I liked the tone you have here.  It reminds me of Eoin Colfer…but with alot less cliches.

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dingles

Age: 37
Loc: Panama City, FL
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