Novel Treatments / Stricken (revised)
“If you touch her…I swear on the sins of the world I will kill you.” I heard Chester growl to the demon as I cowered in the darkness of the cold room.
“And that’s a promise!” Chester slung the demon into a wall and walked toward me. I was incredibly scared. Chester closed the door behind him and smiled at me. he had such a warm smile.
“Are you ok?” he asked. To be honest, I wasn’t. being kidnapped and thrown into a cold room has its effects. Chester came closer and got down on one knee in front of me.
“Im sorry I yelled like that. Did I scare you?”
“A little.”
“Im sorry.” He sat beside me and looked up toward the ceiling. I noticed a piece of paper lying on the floor next to me. I picked it up and struggled to read it. It was dark in this place. The paper looked like a list of rules.
1. Do not leave the temple with out our permission.
2. Do as you are told
3. Do not raise you voice to your authorities
4. Don’t tell anyone where you have been taken
5. Go to school and don’t play around
6. Do not run away from us, especially when facing your punishments.
I showed the paper to Chester. he put his arm around me, put the paper down and hugged me. He was very warm. I didn’t want to let go. I knew I was safe in his arms. Even though we just met each other this morning at the bagel shop. he was there buying coffee, i was trying to purchice something with only a dollar. chester had given me some extra money so i could get the food. Chester spent the night with me. I was up through out the night, shivering. Chester’s big muscular arm stayed around me the entire time.
Bam! The door burst open and the demon stormed into the room. The temperature dropped at least 20 degrees. I screamed and hid behind Chester who pulled a switch blade.
“You stay the hell away from her!” then the demon spoke in a deep growl,
“she has to go to school now!”
“Fine! I’ll take her! Just stay away from her!” the demon left returning the air to normal. It scared me. It scared me more than anything. I was shivering still, out of fear. Chester put his arms around me.
“It’s ok. Don’t cry.”
“Chester, don’t ever leave me. Please.” “I won’t. I promise you I will see you to the end of this.” I wept on his shoulder. “Come on.”
He picked me up and carried me out. The demon shrieked at me as we walked past it. I hid my face in Chester’s shoulder. I was taken out of the temple that was my prison. It was made of a dark green stone. Inside the floors and walls were made of jagged rock which scratched me when I moved. It was very cold and very dark inside and in the woods surrounding it.
Chester drove a dark green Volvo. He placed me inside and got in. we drove up the clear path out of the woods. The path seemed almost too clear. I was driven to a large school. It looked two stories tall. It was very beautiful with trees planted around the rather large parking lot. Chester parked the car and we got out. He walked me inside to the office. He talked to the person behind the front desk then we were escorted to the back of the office. A man walked by. He looked mad. I looked back at him as he passed. He turned the corner after glaring at me. We were taken into a room to talk to the assistant principal about my schedule. I was placed into four classes:
1st. math.
2nd. English.
3rd. chorus.
4th. History.
Chester walked me to each of my classes and helped me carry my books around. The only teacher I didn’t really like was my history teacher. She seemed a bit snobbish. i had asked a couple innocent questions and she was almost ready to send me up to the office. At the end of the school day Chester took me to his house to meet his friends. Mike, brad and Rob. Mike was Chester’s closest friend. Chester told me that if he couldn’t take care of me, mike would. while at chester i mostly sat on his couch and slept. i was tired from the night before. Around nine I was driven back to the temple. Chester hugged me goodbye and promised to pick me up in the morning. I ran to my room and sat on the floor. I really didn’t want to be here. I knew I wasn’t allowed to leave the temple but I did. I woke up a million times that night, fearing someone was here to punish me. I cried. Not only was I scared I just realized I didn’t remember anything. I don’t remember coming here. I don’t remember being kidnapped. The only thing I know is that i’m ten years old and my name is Sara. I closed my eyes and tried to think but I couldn’t. I heard a door slam then I heard the demon talking to somebody.
“Has she been good today?” a man asked.
“She didn’t come straight back after school.” The demon said.
“Hmm, well…I’ll be back in about four days. I’ll punish her then.” I gasped. The door opened. I pretended to be asleep.
“Piece of shit.” The man said. The door closed again. “Let me know if she does anything wrong.” I cried again. I was going to be punished. I had no idea how he was going to do it. That’s what scared me.
Morning came and I walked to school. As I was exiting the woods I kept looking over my shoulder. Every now and then I would run. I felt as if some one were following me. watching my every move. I finally reached the street where Chester’s car was parked. I jumped in and cried.
“What’s the matter?”
“He’s…going to…punish me.” he put his arm around me.
“Its ok.” he hugged me and started to drive. I told Chester that I didn’t remember anything from before I was kidnapped.
“That’s odd.” He said.
“Will you bring me back right after school?”
“Why?”
“I heard the demon talking to someone last night. He said he was going to punish me because I came back late last night.” He sighed.
“Ok.”
“Thank you.” he parked and got out. I followed him into the school. we went to math class then I was called up to the office. He walked me there. The secretary told me that Chester couldn’t come with me when I went down the hall. She instead walked me down the corridor to a dark room. She left me there. There was someone sitting in a chair facing the wall. He spoke
“I hear you’ve been a bad girl Sara.” I gasped.
“No.”
“Are you calling my creation a liar?”
“No.”
“Are you lying now?” I wept.
“Yes.”
“Sara. Do you know what I do to people who lie to me?”
“What?”
“Get out of my office. You’ll soon find out.” I bolted from the room and ran down the hall. I collapsed at Chester’s feet. He lifted me up and held me. The man I just talked to walked toward me. I hid my face in Chester’s shoulder.
“Get to class.” he demanded. After he left Chester walked me back to math class. I tried to focus on my work but I kept thinking about what was going to happen to me when I returned to the temple.
Before I knew it, the school day ended. On the drive home I kept crying. Chester walked me inside the temple once we got there. I went to my room and Chester closed the door.
“Do you want me to stay for a while?”
“Please?” I asked. He walked up behind me and hugged me. Then he released me and we sat on the floor side by side. After a minute Chester said,
“oh god.” I looked up at him. He was crying.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“You know id love to take you home with me…but i’m just too afraid.”
“Why?”
“Well…” he sighed,
“it’s a long story. I’ll tell you some other time.” Another minute passed and Chester had to leave. We said our goodbyes and he left. I now felt cold and alone.
Morning came and I was chased out of the temple. The demon shrilled at me for being late for school. I screamed and ran outside. Chester’s car pulled up and I fell to the ground. Chester stormed out of his car and punched the demon. The demon collapsed and Chester kicked it repeatedly. I watched from beneath Chester’s car. I’ve never seen Chester this violent before. The demon ran off. Chester returned to me. He picked me up and held me for a minute. I was crying now.
“Why? Why me?”
“It’s ok…your not the first one.” He put me in the backseat of his car and got in behind the steering wheel. We drove to an abandoned park on the outskirts of town. He turned the car off when we stopped and he waited a couple seconds.
“You’re not the first one…to be kidnapped by…Derek.”
“Who’s that?” Chester climbed into the backseat and let me rest my head on his leg. He placed his hand on my shoulder.
“I can’t explain why you don’t remember anything. All I know is that…Derek…is very cruel. Him and his two sons just love to…torture children. And they seem to enjoy it. My best friend was kidnapped too and the things he tells me…I just can’t imagine that happening to anybody. Then…” he started to cry. “Derek took my sister. I loved my sister so much…and he took her from me.” he sobbed and squeezed my shoulder. “After…about a year. He dragged me into that temple and…killed her…he did it right in front of me. After that…I dropped out of school and became a drunk. I’ve tried to kill myself so many times but mike…without him id be dead right now…and since I met you…i’m trying my hardest to stop.” He picked me up and held me close to his chest. “I couldn’t save my sister…but I will try my hardest to save you. Or at least help you out. If you need me…if you need anything at all just ask me, ok. Don’t be afraid.”
“I’m scared. I’m so scared what are they going to do to me? He said I was going to be punished. What’s going to happen to me?”
“I don’t know.”
“What…what happened to your friend?” Chester sighed.
“Well. Conner and Alexander. The two sons I told you about…they liked to stuff Rob in a pillow case and…beat him. They beat him…very badly.”
“Will they do that to me?”
“I don’t know.” I sobbed.
“I don’t wanna be punished. I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry.” He hugged me.
“Don’t cry. It’s ok.”
Someone knocked at the window. It was a police man. Chester rolled down the window to talk to him.
“Is there a problem sir.” The policeman asked.
“No.”
“Well you can’t stay here. I’ll have to ask you to leave.”
“fine.” Chester got into the front seat and drove off. I climbed into the front seat beside Chester.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Ok.”
“Will we be going to school?”
“Do you wanna?”
“Not really.”
“ok.” we pulled into a Dennies and went inside. We sat next to the window and looked outside. It was dark and cloudy. The wind was blowing through the trees. Soon it began to rain. Chester sighed then asked me,
“Are you ok?”
“I’m scared.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s not your fault.” We ate our food in silence then when we finished Chester said,
“Just remember, nothing is forever. Even the darkest of times you have to realize that it will end. The sun will always rise in the morning.” We left the restaurant and ran through the freezing cold rain. In the car Chester asked me.
“Would you like to spend the night at my house tonight?”
“Sure.”
“ok.” I think I would much rather sleep in a box on the streets of New York during a hurricane then in the temple.
Chester brought me inside and we sat on the couch. I mostly slept but between naps I watched TV while Chester cleaned a little. I was really starting to fall in love with Chester. I liked how he would hold me when I was really scared and how he would speak to me. He was so kind and gentle. He’s very warm too. I love his hugs. At dinner time he fed me chicken and rice with mashed potatoes. He told me it was the biggest meal he’s cooked since he was 20.
“How old are you?” I asked.
“27.” He said, “i’m old.”
“Not really.” He chuckled.
“I know.” After dinner Chester took me down the hall to the first room on the right. There wasn’t much there. Just a bed with a nightstand beside it and a dresser on the opposite wall.
“This will be your room.” Chester said. “It isn’t much and i’m sorry. It’s all I can give you right now.”
“It’s fine.” Chester tucked me into bed and turned out the light.
“goodnight.” He said. He left the door open a little with the hallway light on.
I woke up late the next morning and saw Chester in the room at the dresser. I watched him pick out some clothes for me to wear. I sat up and he turned around.
“Good morning sleepy head.” I moaned.
“I don’t wanna go to school.”
“I’m sorry.” He walked to me and sat beside me with the clothes in his lap.
“Look, the reason I take you to school is…I don’t want to get you in trouble. And I feel if I don’t take you to where they want you to be you might get in trouble…and I just don’t want you to get hurt, ok.”
“Ok.”
“Would you like me to dress you or would you feel better if you did it yourself.”
“Ill do it myself.”
“Ok. Call me if you need Me.” he walked out while I dressed myself. When I was finished Chester had breakfast ready in the kitchen.
I was called up to the office again, to the same room where I went a couple days ago.
“You didn’t return to the temple last night.” He said. The tears were already pouring down my face. “Why?” he asked.
“I-I wanted to…sp-spend the night…at-at chesterss-s.”
“Wanted to spend the night at Chester’s.” he chuckled then hit the arm of his chair. “God dammit bitch if you don’t get the hell out of my office im going to beat the living shit out of you.” I bolted out of the room, down the hall and into Chester’s arms.
“He’s going to-he’s going to-to beat me.”
“Oh my god.” He hugged me tight. “Don’t cry.” He took me to back to chorus class and Mrs. Underwood let me sit alone with Chester. Some students looked to me every now and then. At the end of class Mrs. Underwood asked if I was alright. I remembered what the rules said. “Don’t tell anyone…” I told her I was fine and that I was late for my next class. She wrote me a note and Chester escorted me to history. I gave Ms. Beasley the note and she said,
“I will report this to Derek.” Derek was the man who yelled at me. I remember seeing the name tag on his desk. I walked solemnly to my desk. Tears still pouring from my eyes. I heard the teacher get on the phone. Chester held my hand.
“It’s ok.”
“Sara, go to the office.” I got up and left. Each step I took to Derek’s office was pounded with fear. I opened the door to his office. He was still turned around in his chair.
“Twice…in one day.” He chuckled. “Setting yourself a record?”
“Mrs. Underwood wanted to talk to me.”
“I don’t give a shit.”
“I didn’t…”
“Close your eyes…and keep them closed till I say so.” I heard him walk over. He smacked me in the face. I flew sideways and hit the wall behind me. I cried. “Stand up and face the corner I don’t wanna look at you!” I stood quickly and did as he said. I heard him sit back down. “You’re a bad girl Sara. It hasn’t even been a week and you’ve broken 4 rules.”
“Im sorry.”
“Did I say you could speak!” he yelled, “no I didn’t!” I was so afraid he was going to hit me again. My face still stung from the first strike. I stood in the corner, shaking with fear.
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I think this is a good concept, but, its portrayal could use some work. Especially the characters. More than description, it needs some serious back story as to why the villains are able to get away with their torture and abuse. Oh, and watch the capitalization in some places. You have “I” used alot as”i”.
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Chester is my hero…lol. I really like is character. This is a well written piece and an original demon idea. I find romance in everything and I love the romance between the narrator and Chester. This is good stuff that’s for sure. Nothing wrong with it as far as I can see.
Great Work! Keep it UP!
November 24, 2006
Deleted User
not bad good story could use a little polishing up a little to much confuseing in the first few paragraphs i fell lost bytime i read the first few lines
This 372 word review has not been unlocked.
I felt that it was alittle hard to fallow
it seemed to be missing something in the text
I did find it fun to read and would like to read it when you do some changes
If there is more to the story let me know
guyfinn2000
A strange and interesting story I love the way you began with action that really pulls the reader in. I think I don’t like the manor you use for dialogue having it run together in one line like that it just feels wrong and seems rushed. still the story is intriging good job and keep it up,
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