Poetry / Love

i felt this was very cliche. and i really felt it would benifit from some punctuation. you had some really good ideas just need to work on how you present them.

This should have no bearing on the poem but I cant’ help but comment on that it seems like a 13 year old couldn’t possibly have the basis to make the kind of statements this poem makes about that kind of love. I also have to strongly disagree with you on your sentiment that love is a powerful word. It actually means very little now because it is so overused. Worse, when it is used to title a poem. But, like the title, the poem was a cliche. From sweaty palms, to a pounding heart, to Goosebumps to that one special person. There was no imagination in the words. It’s all been said millions of times before more eloquently.

Your poem accomplishes something fairly difficult.  Its line structure combines nearly perfectly with the poem’s speaking voice and theme to SHOW us as your readers what the feeling of love is like.  I think you could enhance the effect by finding new ways of describing the heart pounding, palm sweating moments of love.  Whatever you might think of could be interesting for your readers, if only because so many poets have used these two already.  Plus it would better define the whole subject for you too.  Nice job!

You display a good look at what love can do to the body and the mind but need to place it in the heart.  

i give all my ‘baby poets’ a five because i feel that there is SO much more to do.  of course you begin with material much too old for you (or should be): sex. this shows in your language and should be avoided until you can appropriatly speak effectively about it—it is true that the words you use adequately show you feel passionate about what you are speaking of.  keep writing, and i’m sure, with time and life experience you will be able to translate these feelings of love into a very complex and interesting poem.  good start.  also, save this poem, and when you look back with age you will long for the days when ‘love’ was that simple.  

I’m disturbed by a 13 year old talking about good sex. I like the sentiment, but I think I would have used less direct langage and made the poem feel like you’re spinning, the same way you feel when you’re in love.

yikes! 13 and talking about good sex! beyond that, perhaps a little less cliche would make the poem more personal?

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December 05, 2006

by rhaecates

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31	F	Evansville, IN	October 23

i’m with you.  sex should not be in the picture yet—perhaps, and hoping, this is all talk and stab at sounding older?  

December 16, 2006

by sugarteet

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it’s all good, just keep writing!

December 17, 2006

by imjustme

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15	F	LA, CA	July 03

I know peopel think I’m too young ot be talking about sex, but these are new times.  Kids are more mature.  Well, some anyway.

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Love is love is love is love is love.
That’s all we can say about love.
But I think you did a good light hearted job of describing love.
Your description of love in this poem, makes me think about little kid love.
Sandbox, or playground love.
It brings a smile to my face to think of such little-kid love :]

I  think you could make it muc longer. it seems just a little too short. but it still very good for someone your age…even though I’m only 15 and can’t really say that. You are better then me when I was 13. When you began to write in capitals though it didn’t seem to me the beating of a heart beat it just seemed angry. It had a great theme though so great job. keep up the good work.

Not to be offensive, but your descriptions of love have been done before to death, it’s cliche.

As a writer, I can only recommend that you find ways to write things of the same meaning without using the same words others have before you.  Also, throw in some alliteration, metaphors, meter, etc.. it all helps with poetry.

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December 05, 2006

by rhaecates

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31	F	Evansville, IN	October 23

as a teacher in the middle school, i have to allow for some grace here.  of course the description of love is overstated but so are so many of the explorations of life at this stage.  the author is clearly enjoying life in a young way and should be allowed to express it as such.  i agree, had this piece come from a middle aged person, it would be unacceptable.  you have to admit that the words are pieced together fairly effectively for someone with scant experience with ‘grownup’ love.  

December 06, 2006

by Sltsnirvana

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17	M	San Diego, CA	September 24

Heh, you do make a good point.  This kind of writing is expected from a writer of this age, and even exceeds expectations a bit.  However, if was thirty years old and I responded like this to someone of this age, I would be an asshole.  Even if I was in my 20’s, it would still be harsh.  However, I am only 15, which kind of gives me the right to be brutally honest of another person’s(who is of my age) writing.  I wasn’t trying to be mean, and although my responses aren’t often the nicest, I try to be helpful.

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