The problem is, I have too many unanswered questions. I am unable to answer. I guess that is why I wrote it. Thanks for reviewing.
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Love Never Realized
It has been fourteen years, five months and a bunch of days since we first saw each other. We met in such a crazy way; your brother dating my sister. They got married. I was the Maid of Honor, you the Best Man. Do you realize that is the only time when our bodies came together? I felt so content in your arms. But I felt your hesitation because he was watching. Since the moment I saw you; beautiful eyes, exquisite body and dark mysterious looks, I knew I had fallen. Why did I have a boyfriend? Why was I so dedicated to a relationship when I was so very young? This was the time to sow my wild oats. Not be tied down to one man. By having a boyfriend, I was off the market, at least in your eyes. You’re such a gentleman.
Do you know that every time I see you, I picture my hands unbuttoning your shirt and running my hands through the glorious hair on your chest? Do you realize that it is everything I have not to focus on undoing your belt; unbuttoning your pants and putting my hands inside, stroking and hearing you make one of those fabulous sex noises? I have never seen you naked but I know that, together, our bodies would join in perfection. I try to focus on your perfect face, your great smile and amazing personality, but it isn’t enough. It is never enough.
The day I got married, you were there with your beautiful statuesque girlfriend. It was my wedding day and I was jealous. The best part of my wedding was doing shots with you in the “Brides Dressing Room.” He was off socializing with all the people that I didn’t care about. I only cared about you. When I got back from my honeymoon, I was told you disappeared for a few days. Was it because of me? Did you feel what I was feeling? Did you know that while in Jamaica, I wanted to find a phone and call you just to hear your voice? I have never heard such a deep and sexy voice.
Many years have past since my wedding day. A baby was born and loved more than life itself. Can’t go anywhere if there is a child involved. And then you met her. The first time you walked in the room with her at your side, I pictured her in a wedding gown. I knew that she was “the one.” We tried to include her in our circle of friends, but she was so distant. Did you know that one night, she got very drunk and told me that you love me? It was a “girl’s” night out. I followed her weeping form into the Ladies room. In her drunken, emotional state, she kept telling me that you were in love with someone else. I kept asking, “Who?” Then she whispered in my ear that it was me; that you had loved me forever. How long after that conversation did you ask her to marry you? I couldn’t go to your wedding. Luckily she was from a different state and I made the excuse that we couldn’t afford the trip. When actually, my heart couldn’t afford to watch you become a husband to another woman.
With the birth of your second child, I guess that I am finally convinced that we will never be together. But there is still hope. I will see you in eighteen days. If I show up all shiny and new, will you take notice? The years have been so good to you. Now, I can add distinguished to the laundry list of your attributes. I e-mailed you the other day for the first time under the guise of something mundane. Do you know that I read our very innocent conversation when I open my e-mail each morning? At the very best, I get a little flutter in my stomach when I see your name pop up on my screen. How pathetic am I?
Do you realize that I have had one lover because of being with the same man since I was a child? I think about what that would mean if we were to finally come together. Tight and hot. Do you still want me? Did you really ever love me? I remember one time when I hugged you goodbye, you let out a little moan. In my pitiful life, I cherish that moment. Because, if even for one second, my body brought pleasure to yours.
Eighteen days almost to the minute when we will see each other. I’ll play the good wife; the good mother and I promise not to stare at you. I promise I won’t think about us rolling in tangled sheets. I promise that… I can’t promise you any of that. If I cannot have you, for even one night, life will be incomplete.
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traceylb reviewed Version 1 -
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I myself stood and watched the man I loved since I was 16 marry one of my best friends. I introduced them to each other. How ironic. They stayed together for 11 years and then she left him and her children behind to move to a different state. I was the one he called 8 years ago. We are still together and have been married for over 5 years. You never know what will happen with life.
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PiPsucks reviewed Version 1 -
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Every page I read I wanted more and more until I finally realized there was no more. I wanted to see some time of happy ending. Like do you ever get the guy. But you never do. You long for him and secretly he did for you. But its too late…or is it?
I would hope that there is more to the two of you.
pookahchu reviewed Version 1 -
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Wow! Very powerful piece of unrequited, unforbidden love. The reader would expect that these unfulfilled emotions would tear someone apart dreadfully, and is left wondering how this affects the subjects spirit. An even larger question that the reader will not let go, is how does this affect the subject’s present relationship. Even if you don’t want to go there, it might be worth it to give it a try. I’ve been told that a writer should not leave the reader with too many unanswered questions. So that is my only comment.
Oh, and I’m sure that if anyone else has reviewed this already, they would have already mentioned the “Many years have past”/”Many years have passed” thing?
Good luck! Add more and submit it. It is very powerful.
alterego reviewed Version 1 -
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This 67 word review has not been unlocked.
WilloWisp1212 reviewed Version 1 -
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This is the stuff of movies. So many years you’ve felt this. I can relate though ironically. Not quite the same but a fraction anyway. I married a man who doesn’t necessarily treat me the way I deserve and I’ve had affections for someone else for years. One of those things that is so deeply ingrained yet so far from reach. I had to give it up and let it go. Be a good wife. It’s almost impossible to not think about what could have been though. Reading this made me tear up. Our lives are so full of choices and when we always make the safe ones we are left wondering what if…? What if I had said more and wasn’t so shy, what if I had been more concerned for my happiness than hurting my husband, etc…And then to see the object of our longtime affection with someone else at their side… yikes. Well this was well written even for a journal entry. It’s good to get it off your chest. I feel your internal tanglings. Try not to let it consume you too much. The longing will probably never go away though. That is what sometimes makes me cry while going through painful times with my husband. We’ve only been married since June too… choices. Fear. Safety. Mundane. Why? I’m sorry you are going through this and I wish you the best in life. True happiness.
gemglitter reviewed Version 1 -
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“he was watching” Who, his brother??
And that was the only thing that I could comment. Everything from the writing down to the last line of emotion drew me in. I have felt like that and reading this reminded me of so many things, which is what good writing should do. You should expand on this, make a short story or something!
Hx reviewed Version 1 -
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This looks like it was very cathartic to write. With that in mind, I won’t try to critique it for grammar issues or anything like that (didn’t notice any problems in those regards anyway)...as you say, it is what it is. It’s a very open, some might say raw, examination of one’s feelings and desires. That it’s written in the second person makes it all the more intimate and honest.
I can see real talent and ability in these words. I hope you continue to write. And although the situation you describe here doesn’t sound like it has any simple resolution (such is life, I’m afraid)...I’d like to think you can pour some of the emotion, experience and even pain you’ve gone through into your writing. It probably wouldn’t be much consolation but it might be a bit more useful catharsis.
In any case – thanks for sharing. Keep it up. I wish you happiness.
pjwilson reviewed Version 1 -
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Wow! Speechless moment and Wow! once again. I get a lot of thoughts from this piece. Firstly, your spelling/grammer may need a little work, but your content captures me. Hell, throughout this piece I see a song, courtly love, and someone who edges on a dangerous path of cheating. Can’t say I disagree with you. But I’m wondering do you feel this way today. Have you told your hubby or the other man? Maybe you need some help, so you don’t ruin what you have. But again, love in many ways is incomplete and it’s up to us to make full. We have to find something in the relationship that makes us stay and not wonder.
tarleisio reviewed Version 1 -
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Oh, the pangs of love, whether requited or un-. Soemwhere in here the “Thorn Birds” are waiting to hatch, fly and sweep all obstacles off your path, and the road and the choice will lie clear as glass before you. To do or not to do? And is that the answer?
This is a classic, classic situation, and a classic romance novel cliché. I don’t mean that in a bad way at all. Clichés, romantic and otherwise, are what they are because they’re so commonplace to so many people, throughout time and in many, many places.
As writing, it works, even if you just used it as therapy. It reads like a Harlequin story, and maybe it is, for all the questions it raises, the heartache it causes, the dilemmas these two will have to face.
True love will find a way. Remember that, or else, one day, it will blow you to a powder…and will you be ready for it?
Edaurdo reviewed Version 1 -
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I like it . the words are powerful and the subject is something many people can relate too. I know many people secretly in love with one another but for obvious reasons can’t fufill their desires . In your notes you said this was for theraputic reasons which I know writing is great for . something about letting it out on the page really helps i’ve found in my own life.
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