Poetry / A Cautionary Yarn

I love this poem it says so much, about people who are educated and think they know more about certain things than a person who is experiencing it. I found the story in the poem quite humerous as well, and while you got your point across I really enjoyed it. I can’t think of much to tell you to do to improve the poem. Good Job!!!!

The humor in your poem has a ring of truth that make it all the more fun to read. The simple stated facts flow well in this short but rememberable poem. The crazy monkey should  be a your trade mark.

Well, ‘bastard’ doesn’t have that literal connotation of illegtimacy anymore, and by the sound of it your friend Nick would probably take ‘hard bastard’ as a compliment.

The simple line ‘Show me’ works well, though what follows is slightly predictable. ‘wry grin’ is also makes a change from the otherwise very bare, plain speech in the poem. Not that everyday speech is bad in a poem, just that highlighting it with more descriptive phrases as you have done adds colour.

Nick is a tragic figure.  I think most of us born pre 1970 can relate to being brought up that way.  I’d like to see this longer with much more information about Nick.  He could be a very interesting character.

Keep on writting!!

This is delightful!  Commas after art, cigarette, and drink, as well as face and ear would help in my mind.

That is some pretty funny stuff. Bastard is old PC….. I think it’s officially new school PC ;)

Very funny and well crafted. The voice is consistent and your spacing is as well.

By all means do not change the wording of the last line. It gives the work a “punch”, so to speak, that a more “pc friendly” line couldn’t deliver.

I also think Nick would appreciate being called a “right hard bastard”, if he’s anything like my father.

Haha, you definitely capture a full person with very few words.  I like the quick pace, specially as it is used to create motion, it’s all very visual.  Good luck revising.