The 3rd stanza was sort just the actual process of him thinking to himself. Almost like a conversation.
Poetry / Boredom Camouflaged As Clarity
It wasn’t until the power outage
and I was forced to sit quiet
with myself that I realized
that they were right in their
psychoanalysis.
I am indeed an insufferable
monster with less delicacy
in the dealings of feelings
of others than a Neanderthal
clubbing his bride and grunting-
before dragging her
back to his lair by her hair.
What I had previously
dismissed as Wit identified itself
as bullshit and back-and-forthed
itself between the quiet and I
much like the British
or the Gilmore Girls Banter.
I knew that I owed it
to the many I had hurt
to acknowledge their rubbish
before the power returned.
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rck419 reviewed Version 1 -
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Really powerful poem. Great imagery. Everything flowed really well. Keep up the writing.
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kritzic reviewed Version 1 -
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I thought the first two paragraphs were very good. I really don’t get the third paragraph but I like the way you summed it up in the last paragraph acknowledging the hurt you had previously thought was rubbish.
easywriter57 reviewed Version 1 -
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Talking about me again, huh?
Sometimes you have to turn off the music and the tv and computer to understand oneself. That is a big accomplishment to be able to wake up emotionally.
December 14, 2006
Deleted User
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the title alone, is poetic. it seems as if you can weave a story, present the characters without revealing too much, and allow the reader to create his or her own conclusions. one definitely has to admire and appreciate this.
myninjacockle reviewed Version 1 -
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i rate it, you manage the deeply personal with a comis touch, which saves the poem from sliding into emo land.
blackouts are very primary, if the government can’t keep the power on, then hell, we can do whatever the hell we want.
the 9th line really doesn’t flow well.
again, with the gilmore girls, you do pop culture fantasticaly.
December 12, 2006
Deleted User
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I like the rhythmic flow of this and the subject matter. It has a modern “sound” to it.
I can identify with the character here because when my “power” goes out, I sometimes feel the same way.
When I used to drink a lot, my power outage would be the next day and I’d have a lot of explaining to do. Somehow I still managed to find the gripes of the ones I had hurt as “rubbish”.
Greta_Garbo reviewed Version 1 -
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i like this…
selfish guy sits alone in reflection for a min…
recognizes that he’s morally lacking…
then im gussing the lights come back on and he’s goes about his life in the same manner…
is that close?
its so brutally honest…
i hope you meant it that way…
cause if its about spiritual growth or something…
that wouldn’t be as interesting…
onlywish reviewed Version 1 -
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Owning up on one hand and the other you give yourself a setup to repeat the same behavior. Well played. The last stanza say it all . (I knew that I owed it) you knew that nothing had changed. I love this. I want to read all of it.
AdamYates reviewed Version 1 -
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In my mind, this person is wrong in some way and wants to apologise or make it up – but is using this powercut as another way of saying they sat and thought about something and realised that they were wrong.
Not really my cup of tea. The start was promising but dissapointed after the 1st verse.
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