From the warmth of a Sunday bed
I hear churchbells
calling the penitent
to prayer.
I roll over
cover my head
with the pillow I’m allergic
to , more in need
of rest than
salvation.
On waking
I will only lull my
mind with mindless
thoughts, somnambulant
lullabies that keep the edges
dull and manageable.
Hush, Hush
right this second news
is being made, but it is
in the vague land of Elsewhere.
Elsewhere cannot
affect me.
Here, where you told me
“I want a kind girl” when what
you meant was “I want
the kind of girl who tears
at the throat of the world
with sparkly perfect teeth.”
That isn’t me.
I am the girl walking
with left shoes in pairs
on tired feet
lacking direction.
I am the girl dreaming
vividly, living anonymously
dedicating songs to herself
so that soundwaves, at least
will speak her forgotten name.
Hush, Hush
the churchbells ring
offering a promise:
You can believe in anything before you wake.
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Good craftsmanship. Your turning of a phrase is very good. The ‘lull my mind’ stanza is a bit odd. The phrasing of it. Lull the mind to where? It’s an odd word to use – that little section is a bit strange. Otherwise the piece is great. (By the by – that part is great as well in terms of the second half about the lullabies keeping the edges soft and manageable.)
I like this poem, too.
Sad and true that churchbells offer a promise.
On a prosaic note, as someone who is allergic to pillows (feather ones) all that happens when I cover my head with one is I start coughing. But maybe that’s just me.
I really like the line, “more in need of rest than salvation.” I like the entire poem, actually – it achieves a quiet, somber tone perfect for the idea of waking up to churchbells. It’s so scrupulously punctuated that I was wondering why most of the first lines of the stanza are lacking commas when if this was written out as prose, they would need them.
I think there are several different ideas in this poem that pull it in more than one direction and it might benefit by cutting one or two of them. I think the Elsewhere stanza (although I love the “hush hush” at the beginning) isn’t really necessary because it pulls us away from the bed and the girl.
There are few lines I find awkward, like “the pillow I’m allergic to,” “so that soundwaves, at least/will speak her forgotten name.” I think they could worded a little more concisely or with a little bit better flow.
I love the “walking with left shoes in pairs” line. This is a lovely poem – I love the melancholy it evokes.
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