Poetry / A Kiss Remembered

Crack?  I’m not sure about that description.  Is this electric resuscitation?  I’m confused.

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March 03, 2008

by barbeecain

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42	F	Casselberry, FL	July 14

is a crack as lightening

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I’m taking this poem is about two lovers?  Let’s see—I like how you started with “CRACK!” although I don’t think I fukky understand it, and how it relates to “ONE” at the end.  Crack One? Crack open a cold one?  Maybe I need to reread it a little more.  Also, I think you are missing a “the” on your third line. Your sixth line seems a little out of place for me.  Maybe you need a colon on your fifth line. Lines 9-10 are unclear to me too.  Overall, I did enjoy.  Another question: Is there a reason you wrote the 1st and last lines in capital letters and left the others lower case?

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June 05, 2007

by barbeecain

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I generally write in lower case so caps are usually to emphasize importance.
the crack is that of lighting. you know when you are sitting there doing your thing and a sudden crash of lightning starles you? this crack is that surge of energy that suddenly pulses through your body, enough to knock you off your feet.
the crack is the sound of lightning or electric energy ande ONE is the ultimate form of energy where we all connect so both have their origins in being energy.
it is about two lovers and a kiss or several and the place where their souls bind together and form as one. the yin and yang, the give and take, ebb and flow.
b

December 06, 2007

by pjwilson

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28	M	Brunswick, GA	November 24

Nice…

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it sounds like you are depicting a firsdt kiss and the life of the lovers through the relationship until the breakup but its sorta short but its probally because my poems are all long

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June 05, 2007

by barbeecain

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not a first kiss but a memorable one
very intuitive of you to consider a break up, as i don’t actually indicate that there was an ending
it was hort as was the relationship but what was gleaned from that brief period was life lasting

April 25, 2008

by bluetony06

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16	M	Memphis, TN	April 25

ok i dont know when i wrote this comment but i  must of been insane or something cause i just read this and it is the most beautiful think i ever heard. I understand, now, what everything means. the crack is the impact of the kiss, if you will. and the electricity the surging together its all so beautiful. Please, disregard my last comment this is one of the most beautiful things ive ever read

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This is a really sweet first kiss type poem. It’s a little cliche, but it still a really sweet, heartfelt, poem.

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June 05, 2007

by barbeecain

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LOL! It really in not a first kiss poem, just one that was memorable enough to write about. I don’t even remember my first kiss ;)
namaste
barbee

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Nice desriptions> Makes me want to feel that heat myself.

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December 21, 2006

by barbeecain

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thank you, me too :)

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i would consider reordering the line spacing. it is confusing and disrupts the flow of such a wonderful poem. reading through it, i understood it but i wasnt moved to the extent a piece like this should move me. reordering the breaking and spacing of lines should do the trick. this is a very powerful poem.

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June 05, 2007

by barbeecain

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42	F	Casselberry, FL	July 14

Thank you, good suggestion. I am sure it could have more of and edge is word placement was crafted better.
namaste
barbee

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Wow – that’s some passionate kiss. We’ve all felt that kind of all encompassing passion that is described so well here. It’s a little bit teenage though for a 40 year old author.

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December 21, 2006

by barbeecain

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I have only felt that specific connection once in my life, where two energies are in unison as one swirling connected Being. If it makes you feel better, I wasin my 30’s when I wrote it. I must say though, I never experienced THAT intensity when I was a teenager.

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Electric kisses. very powerful indeed, It sounds great when spoken aloud ( as I think poetry should be ) Nice flow. You need to watch your punctuation though and gramma,”i am ” “i breathe”.Worth the effort of rewriting.

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December 21, 2006

by barbeecain

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42	F	Casselberry, FL	July 14

My saga with capitalization! Eventually I will conform :) thanks for your review

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I could definately feel that.  That is what a kiss should be but is hardly ever found to be that moving.  I have known one person that has kissed like that.
You need to be consistant with your grammar: capitalize your “i” all the time, capitalize the beginning of your thoughts and end them with correct punctuation.

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December 20, 2006

by barbeecain

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Thank you for the relation to the piece and the grammar woes :) I have only experienced that kiss once myself :)

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