Poetry / dirty rottin ugly girls suck

So….are you saying that women are the root of all evil?  Students in my high school thought of a equation to that measue, ridiculous.  I can see that you are saying that any woman that has a ego similar to a man is a bitch.  How, backsliding, because a man is praised by women when he resembles a female additude.

Personally I do not like this poem.  It’s underdeveloped.  There seems to be blockage somwhere, so emotions don’t seem very accuate or true.  Bland….your words are well chosen, but seem empty.  

This strikes me as lyrics to a hip/hop or rap song.  Has potential for that arena, but not my area of expertise.

Honestly, I didn’t expect much from this poem when I saw its title. But I think you’ve done a good job of capturing a state of mind. I’m not sure how this would  do in the mainstream poetry market, given its freestyle structure. But I do think it would be a big success at a poetry slam.

First of all, are the spelling and punctuation errors intentional? If so, it added an extra level of depth to this drug ballad. If not, there’s always spell check.

The rhyming is well-done and the flow is slightly wavy, but still fit for sailing. Acronyming (is that a word) DRUGS into Dirty Rottin (again, intentional misspell?) Ugly Girls Suck was awesome, political correctness be damned. Good job!

This is a rap in poetic form right?  I think you really painted a picture of a lifestyle here.  The meter is very good for the most part.  A few lines feel like they were forced for the rhyme.  I think the last line could’ve been left out – maybe not while rapping it, but in this poetic form.  I feel it gives away too much, I already got it from the lines immediately previous.

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December 29, 2006

by Edaurdo

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
272	70.4% (27 votes)	22.3%

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32	M	Andover, MA	January 11

yeah you got it

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I love it. It’s filthy, disgusting, and has references to drugs and STDS. However, it doesn’t need to be CAPSLOCKED and some spell-checking is in order.
Its voice is wild, insane. Nice use of imagery and wordplay.

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December 29, 2006

by Edaurdo

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272	70.4% (27 votes)	22.3%

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32	M	Andover, MA	January 11

yes it’s capslocked because I wrote during a heroin detox and felt like screaming/

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This is a really fresh piece. The rhymes are tight and it’s packed with original and unique similes and metaphors. I enjoyed reading it. The flow was good for the most part. I especially liked the line  comparing your mind to the “phone on the corner that won’t accept your quarter,” and the subsequent punchline. I would get rid of the whole “dirty rotten ugly girls  suck” thing, because it doesn’t seem to relate to the rest of the poem at all. I think it takes away from the strength of it. It could use some work with spelling and puntuaction. I’d change it from all caps too. But that is just side stuff. It has a manic feel to it, but it is obviously well-thought out. Keep writing!

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December 29, 2006

by OrExplode

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25	M	Sutton, MA	September 27

I should add that I do think that “dirty rotten ugly girls suck” is a clever acronym, but I just am not feeling it in this particular piece

December 29, 2006

by Edaurdo

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
272	70.4% (27 votes)	22.3%

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32	M	Andover, MA	January 11

to each his own. This acronymn also came from the same detox with refrence to my dopefeind girlfriend at the time who i was just as addicted too . And thank god both are out of my life now

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All tens, dude! You read my mind! Been there and done that and if that isn’t the real world in those words, I don’t know what is. You need to work on that grammar..and those apostrophes. Proof read your stuff even if it is a royal pain in the a—!Your imagery is outstanding because I almost started looking through my drawers to see if I missed something!

I think this is good , some great imagery. I would say the referance to drugs so often wasnt needed , the words prior to that had already spelt it out without being so direct which in my opinion is better and not so cliche. Over all though I enjoyed it. Oh but lose the caps.

All caps, kind of a turn off.  I didn’t get throught much of it honestly.  The caps it’s a bit much for the brain to take in.