Thanks for your review, I appreciate it. I’m kind of being tongue in cheek in this blog, as I too don’t make celebrity culture the center of my universe. A lot of people do though, movie stars are more celebrated than politicians. Scary!
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Sylvia's open letter to Time
Dear People of Time,
Sometimes things happen which really make a person wonder what the point of all of this is. I mean, why are we even here? What can we have faith in? Besides Proactiv Solutions, which really works miracles.
I am devastated about the impending divorce of Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Philippe. Their’s was a marriage that I believed in and felt passionate about. I expected this story to be featured in a respected publication like yours, perhaps with several pages of photos depicting their life together so I could add those photos to my gratitude diary. (I’m grateful for what they had while it lasted and like to acknowledge these things in colorful collages.) Instead, Time’s cover story is all about science versus religion.
I don’t feel Time magazine is in tune to what the people really care about. Religion and science are not as important as celebrity culture and its impact on the entire world. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful Time hasn’t given in to the crazy environmentalists who, if they had their hippie way, would see that all magazines are published on that disgusting non-glossy recycled paper. But you really need to get it together and feature more naked celebrities like the Dixie Chicks on your cover. I need strong women like the naked Dixie Chicks to help me figure out the whole politics thing.
I plan to express my disappointment by not purchasing Time magazine. I’ll put that money to good use on a subscription to Star. That’s what I love about corporations as a whole: the vote I make with my money counts far more than any ballot I cast at a poll in some elementary school gymnasium. Corporations cater to what we the public want and completely ignore “right” or “wrong.” Corporations are the last vestige of fair and balanced and are truly blind to cultural values and morality, because all they care about is giving us more of what we want for whole pennies less.
Remember when McDonald’s was getting all that flak about using different oil because of so-called deadly trans fats? McDonald’s agreed to change their oil because of that SuperSize Me movie and how people saw it and bitched about it. But they know us better than we know ourselves, they knew if they didn’t immediately change it and simply waited, eventually we’d forget about it. And we did, I mean, normal people did. I don’t know about you, but the Lord of the Rings trilogy was enough for me to forget about the whole messy affair. But some annoying healthnut groups were harassing McDonald’s about this oil thing and McDonald’s finally said they changed nothing because people prefer the taste of the bad oils. McDonald’s, unlike John Kerry, is at least willing to take a stand on something. You go, McDonald’s!!
Corporations are explorerers and adventurers, they are modern day Christopher Columbuses, going to foreign lands and helping those poor people by letting them work for American companies for next to nothing. They don’t even care if they piss off treehuggers by clearing out rainforests, they don’t think about whether it’s fair to give foreign people imperfect working conditions and marginal pay. They don’t even let American workers stand in their way! If corporations need to build their factories in a foreign country and people here lose their jobs, it’s because they care about the American Public as a whole. They know that it is in the best interest of we budget-minded citizens and their stockholders to offshore as much as possible. There isn’t any entity on the planet that loves and cares about us as much as corporations.
People of Time, the whole reason that I even work is to make money to give away to worthy corporations because those corporations truly care about me. They want me to look hot, like Sienna Miller and Jessica Simpson. They have all kinds of products available that I can buy so I can smell like and dress like and look like the Photoshopped photos of my favorite anorexic celebrities. If I ever start to feel okay about myself all I have to do is open Vogue or Cosmo and I remember I can be skinnier and more beautiful if only I am willing to show my dedication to myself by spending a little more money.
Corporations help us all strive to be better, more beautiful people. I like to make collages about corporations in my gratitude diary too.
So Time magazine, listen up! Report on what we care about or we just won’t buy your silly magazine! Also, I think you should have a weekly column dedicated entirely to Jessica Simpson. I’m especially curious about who she’s dating and how she feels about her sister’s plastic surgery. Thanks for listening.
xoxoxo
Sylvia
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Stoogester reviewed Version 1 -
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The idea of a corporation collage is very amusing. If there hadn’t been the aside in the reviewer notes the tongue-in-cheek would have spoken for itself. I love the notion of creating personas, this is the perfect forum for it.
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mstreet reviewed Version 1 -
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Okay, this is fabulous. Obviously tongue in cheek but very very funny. You poke fun at some of the best targets. I love how you used pop culture to get your point across. I don’t have anything to suggest about content, punctuation, etc. because you have that covered. Great job.
Wytchcat reviewed Version 1 -
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Sarcastic wit makes me all mushy inside!
What is truly sad is that someone, somewhere feels that way exactly!
Great read
Edaurdo reviewed Version 1 -
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You know I love this peice. ESpecialy the part about
I’m grateful Time hasn’t given in to the crazy environmentalists who, if they had their hippie way, would see that all magazines are published on that disgusting non-glossy recycled paper.
For obvious reasons . I’m glad to see others share my same sick sense of humor
leap_of_faith87 reviewed Version 1 -
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For the most part it was good, but Im not high on ‘stars’ lives. I think that stars are just like you and me except that they make millions for the things that they do. People that have such an interest in other peoples lives just need to get a life. But for the most part it was ok not sure I was interested or even cared about the topic. Oh and I love Ryan Phillipe and Reese Witherspoon… Perfect little couple to me…
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