Poetry / Just Another Cassandra

This was beautiful!  Just a few clunky lines, such as:

Stagger the first line (Poet/Priestess/Prophetess) to emphasize each word.  Also, priestess/prophetess = awkward.  Can you just change it to “Prophet”?  If not, maybe you could change the order?

I LOVE the sencond and third lines!!  Capitalize “All”?

”...can’t help but tell the truth,/the truth about you…”

Maybe instead of “Now sacred is trying..” say, “Now, ‘sacred’ is trying…” just to set off “Sacred” a bit more.  This is an important part of your piece, maybe the most important.

“big-mouthed” instead of “big mouth”

I won’t take up any more space.  I THOUROUGHLY enjoyed this piece!  Well done!  I would reccomend you read it aloud a few times to see how it sounds.  Rhythm in poetry is very important.

Thanks so much!

I don’t know what to say. Without if sounding like false praise. The rhythm  souse and relaxes the body yet opens the mind. Your phrases are rich in sound and meaning. The written is in a classic style. Here is one line that brings the old into the modern form of poetry writing. This line has the truth in every word. “Not realizing we are apprenticing them to our trades” The statement that you make with this poem is well thought out and a guiene wake up call to women. Best of success to you.

“Oh, you’re such a Cassandra.  Our society is improving,” he said with tongue jammed in cheek.  I love the theme and your objective with this piece.  It is something that concerns all of us old literary types.  What has happened to the MTV generation?  They don’t even know their own history or the themes they are seeing fed to them.  
Now I personally think your poem needs a rewrite.  I beleive you are spelling out too much about Cassandra and not allowing the poem to stand on its own.  People owe it to a writer to have something in their head, some background, some knowledge of writing as an art form.
The idea of the young women being poets, preistesses and profetesses is wonderful and vivid.  I love it.  But I would start over from there and develope this as a piece to defend all classic characters.  
The new God of society is interesting as well.  So true how free thinking or unique women are battered down by the rank and file not only of society, but sadly especially by other WOMEN.  
Over all I’m just glad your writing something like this.  Work on the flow and images adn fight on.

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February 05, 2007

by Wytchcat

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
362	79.8% (114 votes)	49.1%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
42	F	Seattle, WA	April 27

I would edit it but I spend so much time down at the temple turning tricks!

LOL.. sorry had to say it.

Thank you for the review.

I have heard a number of times that I tend to get lecture-ish and I think that is the heart of your concern with over information.

Sadly though if you look at some of the reviews before yours you will see “I don’t know who Cassandra is…”  (Also several who had no idea who Shroedinger is or why I would torture a cat in another piece I did).

I guess it is my customer service background coming to the fore front.

Maybe I should write Socratic teaching verse?

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i don’t really have much critique.  i felt this was a good read; your language is nice and simple, unpretentious.  your message is good.  good job.

This is a monumental work of writing.  I love the classic use of archetypes; its rare that one can weave such fine tapestry of different eras.
   “Once upon a time all of those old vices were something sacred”...I’m nuts about this line; its simple, novel, and surprises.  My favorite line: “rip out her throat, to keep from screaming aloud the dark we see building?”.
   I can see this one out on the market. Grats, Bey

I like this because, although it invokes a mythological figure, and understanding that figure aids understanding of the poem, the reader would not be completely lost without familiarity with her. Simply stating that Cassandra saw the fall of a city before comparing her with people today helps readers get their bearings.

I would say that priestesses is the plural form of priestess and prophetesses is the plural of prophetess, but I could be wrong.

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February 02, 2007

by Wytchcat

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
362	79.8% (114 votes)	49.1%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
42	F	Seattle, WA	April 27

I did use those as the plurals…

Thank you for your review!

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I love the idea behind this poem, I find Cassandra to be one of the more interesting people populating classical mythology, and it makes a very meaningful allegory.

I was a bit put off by the structure of the poem, 3 line stanza, 4 line stanza,3, 5, 3 . . . there didn’t seem to be any reason for it that I could find and it was very distracting.

I thought that stanza number seven, the last full stanza before the last line, was particularly good and that it not only tied everything together but that it gave closure to the piece. The last line hanging out down there by itself was almost redundant, and certainly unnecessary.  

very graphic, i got a slap in the face from it and a call to thought.

I very much like your theme here, and agree wholeheartedly with the motivations you mention in your Notes. I also think your writing is polished and insightful. However, this piece felt much more prosaic than it did poetic. Indeed, it seemed as if the line break and stanza format was all that made this poetry; put it in paragraph format and it would read like a very creatively written essay.

Other than that, I found nothing to take issue with, other than ‘generations’ in the last line should be possessive: ‘generation’s’.

Not much to criticise about this; i approve of your chosen topic very much, and think you’ve done a good job of expressing your feelings about it.
The last line is important and i like it, but it doesn’t read as smoothly as perhaps it could – maybe a few too many syllables; it means the reader ends up being jolted out of the poem at the end, instead of being able to pause and reflect.
In general, great poem. Good luck with your work and goals.