Children's / lightning+ham sandwich=?
The title summarizes the first eight chapters of this story. Here is the ninth and final chapter…
He opened his eyes slowly. He could smell that awful smell of burnt hair. The words of his mother pranced around in his head like one big, gay deer, “Ham sandwiches invite the wrath of the lord. Do not eat them.”
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How does the title summarize the first 8 chapters? Are all the other chapters less than 60 words each? This story is only four short sentences long yet you managed to fit, ”...one big, gay deer,” and ”...invite the wrath of the lord” in. It’s a strange combo I must say.
Seeing his mother prancing like a big, gay deer is odd. ANYONE doing that is odd. What is the burnt hair all about? His mother sounds crazy… Prancing and scaring him with those words. It’s a strange visual. I don’t suggest illustrations with this particular chapter.
Good luck
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I’m confused. Is this all there is to the whole, final chapter?
The smell of burnt hair is instantly recognizable. It rises off the page, literally.
“pranced around in his head like one, big, gay deer” didn’t quite work for me within the context of this piece. I like the image but feel you might want to use it in some other way.
Good luck with you writing.
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