Short Story / The Rooms

The Rooms
And there was a door in front of him. The door was crisp black, with a simple knob handle. Matt walked up to the door. He studied it. He found it locked. Not having the key, he about walked away, were it not for the well dressed man in a sharp suit and tie.
        “Take these keys,” said the man in a resonant voice. “Use them to open the doors. Do not let go of them, lest you become lost.”
        Matt took the key. Looking back at the man, he unlocked the door and opened it. There came a faint light from inside.  He stepped inside.
        The room was huge. It stretched into the horizon on all sides. And it was loud. He couldn’t count all the innumerable heads. And there were children. Many children.
        One walked up to him, a young girl no more than four and asked, “Who are you?” Expecting the voice of a child, he was surprised she talked like an adult. “I’m Matt,” he replied.
        “Well hello. My name is Elissa. Elissa Joan Anderson. At least it would’ve been… But here. Le me introduce you to some of my friends.”
        Matt and her walked through the crowd. Many children and young adults gave questioning glances at them. They were all busied in some sort of activity: some infants appeared to be reading, two young adults were playing chess, and one acne-stricken teen boy was writing on a typewriter. He had next to him an impressively tall stack of papers a couple of head taller then Matt. “That’s Johan. He’s been writing a, oh… let me think.” She stopped walking, tapping her head. “A currently twenty volume collection of short stories, for the last ten years or so.” She continued walking.
        We passed some teens in a glass enclosed room playing dodgeball. “So what do you think of this?” she finally asked him.
        “Well, I, uhm… It seems everyone here was born as bright as they’ll ever be, and articulate. Why are there only young people in here?”
        “We all grow to a certain point, then stop, presumably at our most prominent figure.”
        “Then how old are all of you?”
        “For the younger kids, you can tell by the age they look. The younger adults could be eighteen to forty years old.”
        “But why are all of you here?”
        “We don’t know.”
        “You don’t know? But…”
        She ignored Matt. “Is this you door, I presume? It was nice meeting you.” And she walked away.
        Mystified by the kids and puzzling behaviors, he stepped through the door into the next room.
        Matt was startled when he stepped into a clinic. The waiting room was filled with expectant mothers; he just thinking it was just a check-up. But then he saw a sign that said in bold lettering “Planned Parenthood.” There on the sign was an outline of a mother and father, and two children.
        None of the women noticed him, so he scanned for an exit. Suddenly there was a slight tug on his shirt. He glanced down to see a little boy, about three. The boy had green eyes and brown, curly hair. “This is four years ago,” he whispered. He looked down at the floor.
        Then he looked up and pointed out a young couple. The mother-to-be with dazzling, green eyes was accompanied by a handsome man wearing jeans and a t-shirt that said “Live soft, die soft. Live hard, die hard.” was constantly weaving his hand through his curly brown hair. The woman’s, or girls Matt would say, eyes were brimming with tears and make-up was already tear-streaked. The boy looked detached and dejected, blowing his bangs up with puffs of air.
        “Those are my parents,” he whispered still quieter. Suddenly, Matt knew. “Are they…going to…” when the young boy gave the obvious answer. “Yes.”
        “Sarah Brant. The clinic is ready to see you.” The girl stood up and sobbed, “Alex. Come on.” The boy gave one more pfft to his bangs and stood up. Matt didn’t want to see any more. He turned to go back through the door whence he came, but it wasn’t there. All there was was a stand with various pamphlets. All he saw were titles like “So you’re getting an abortion,” and “How abortion benefits you.” There wasn’t a single pamphlet on consequences of adoption.
        Matt began to get sick. The name on the sign should’ve read “Banned Parenthood.” “No!” he shouted at the leaving couple. “You mustn’t kill him!” But Sarah and Alex kept on walking. Bewildered, he ran to the door they’d entered, but it was locked. His hand felt the keys he’d been given. “I might be crazy,” he eloquized.
        He put the key into the lock and turned. The door opened. Matt ran in to rescue the little boy, but he was in another room. From horizon to horizon all he say were more people. Like the last room, there were multitudes of children, but no one looked a day older than sixteen.
        Matt asked a girl who looked about eight, “Where am I?” She looked at me peculiarly and replied, “Come and I will show you.”
        She started walking. As they passed scores of teens and children, he was surprised at how casually the kids glanced at him then resumed their activities. Soon they came to another door. “Go through that door and see?” she pointed.
        Clutching his keys, Matt pushed through the door and found himself plodding behind a greying man in a white lab coat. He was holding a clipboard and humming to himself. The man pushed through a door, and Matt followed.
        The man donned a pair of thick, wool gloves. Entering a small code on a large cryogenic freezer, he pulled up the core and grabbed a glass vial. Pushing the core back down and locking the freezer back in place, he proceeded to a microscope.
        The man put the vial under the scope, then turned a knob a few notches. After several seconds, the ice-like material in the vial unfroze and leaked onto a slide. Then the man looked through the lens and took notes on the clipboard without looking.
        Matt peered at the jots and read; HLn0o5nhH4 found, manipulate other like eggs, and liver, heart, kidneys destroyed.
        Suddenly, the man stood up and stared at Matt. “What are you doing here?” he asked.
        Matt was stunned. He didn’t expect that anyone could see him after last time there were people. “Uh…er…” was the best he could mumble before he was in white fog, then it cleared, and the first door he had entered was there.
        “So do you understand now?” asked the man in suit and tie.
        “No, I don’t think I do. But I get that those children and people were killed…”
        “While they were still innocent. Too young to understand heaven and hell. They will stay in their rooms until their time comes.”
        “So all the people in that first room were…” he couldn’t bring himself to say. Aborted? Did this mean all along?...
        “Life begins at conception. There is no way around. It seems at times children are the only ones to realize this before society becomes them. But you must remember that there are people in society who realize this and strive for the truth.
        “A life is always a life, no matter how small or delicate. But in this sense people attribute speech and thought as the only human characteristics that make someone human.”
        Matt had a question. “Are there more rooms than just those two?”
        “Sadly, but mercifully, yes. But we mustn’t forget that for that reason only, they will live in heaven. The right for one’s self to choose to love or hate is still theirs, but they never choose to hate.”
        Matt was grim. In the same moment society was murdering the unborn, at the same time it was saving them from life. But what matted was the God-given right of choice. No man-given choice, but instead the freedom to be saved.
        When Matt looked back up, the man was gone. He saw another door, a glass door with his home just beyond. In some way, he know, he had to tell people to stop being ignorant.

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swanpatronus avatar General Stranger

June 21, 2007

swanpatronus

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jlcampbell avatar General Stranger

December 23, 2006

jlcampbell

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baby_shoes avatar General Friend

December 22, 2006

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Dafantum avatar General Stranger

December 22, 2006

Dafantum

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats
Dafantum reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

Go back and Re-type this slowly.  That will clear up the typing errors, some of which take away from the story’s readability.  Think about some of your situational transitions and try to make them clearer this sentance:
Matt was startled when he stepped into a clinic. The waiting room was filled with expectant mothers; he just thinking it was just a check-up. But then he saw a sign that said in bold lettering “Planned Parenthood.”  
could perhaps be.  

Matt found himself in a waiting room full of expectant mothers, he wondered hospital, or clinic.  But then he saw a sign that said in bold lettering “Planned Parenthood.”  

thhis is just a suggestion of how you may want to rethink some of you senrance structure to strengthen the transmission of your ideas.

toolazyk avatar General Stranger

December 22, 2006

toolazyk

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simmylovesyou avatar General Stranger

December 22, 2006

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Deleted User avatar

December 21, 2006

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REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote )
Review of Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

Part of this story could be an exceptionally effective advert against abortion; however I’ll make sure that I keep ethical opinions/beliefs out of this review.

I have to admit, the first few sentences, despite not being flowing, or what I would consider well written, intrigued me enough to want to read the rest.  I really wanted to know what the keys were for, and what on earth was going on, which in itself is a great thing to be able to evoke in a reader.  

Your sentences are quite fragmented, some consider this style, but for this piece of writing I’m not sure if it fits.  Perhaps trying to add commas and joining words rather then starting a new three or four word sentence might be something to look at.

A good read though.  An interesting, and a well presented view on a topic commonly discussed around the world.

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a1e1l1

Age: 17
Loc: Duluth, MN
Gen: M
Last Login: June 22
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