Thanks for the excellent review, you’re right on the mark with Kai/Satyros. I guess you could say the shift from calvaryman to captain is changing Satyros’ priorities. He’s becoming who he should be whereas Kai is still…well, Kai. The gap is beginning to widen.
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Gate of the Realms (chapter 7)
Chapter Seven
As Maianiron promised, the gala that had been prepared was extravagant. Satyros led his men into the Hall and took their places on a row of benches that had been positioned near the center of the room. Other soldiers were present, soldiers that Satyros assumed were the men from Paleia and Caniva, but they would meet soon enough, and so he did not trouble himself with an introduction.
Almost as soon as Satyros sat down, there was a hush that swept through the room. The two highborn warriors took their places in the center of the Great Hall. Maianiron pulled her sword from it’s sheath and bowed graciously toward her opponent. Her hair was plaited and it cascaded elegantly down her back; the outfit she wore was that of a rider’s, boots lacing up to her knees. Cael, dressed similarly also bowed as he unsheathed his sword. Almost at once, they came together, their swords ringing as each parry was met. Blow for blow, Maianiron and Cael were equal as they turned and danced with only the steel of their blades between them. Had Satyros not been entranced by the fight, he might have noticed that everyone in the room was focused in on the two as singularly as he was.
Satyros tried to guess who would win, but it was impossible. Maianiron was as quick and as strong as Cael. It seemed that they both lacked for nothing in prowess and strategy. Despite the exertion, both were smiling. It was clear that they took great pleasure in the dance.
It was a good half hour before things started to slow down and another ten before they finally found an end. As Maianiron blocked a heavy blow, she turned, her sword ready for the death blow. At the same time, it seemed as though Cael knew what she was going to do and as they met, both swords fell on the neck of the other. It was almost too sweet and end to not be staged. If there was not a song about Maianiron and Cael, there would be one before the night ended. The silence that had before enveloped the room at once was broken and a roar emerged from the people; a fierce roar that seemed threatened the very foundations of the Hall. It was the best opening of a feast that Satyros had ever seen or was like to see again. Maianiron and Cael stood there for a moment, starring at each other; it seemed that they were trying to burn the sight in their minds eternally. And suddenly the moment was broken and they stood side by side, swords raised, symbolizing the beginning of the gala.
Almost as soon as the food was set before them, it was being taken away and the benches were being cleared so that the people could dance. For a while, neither Maianiron nor Cael were anywhere to be found, but when they returned, it was apparent that they had both gone to change into something that befit their rank. Maianiron had dressed into something that more clearly defined her as a woman, and a queen at that. She wore a gown of dark blue that complimented the silver circlet that was set amongst the dark plaits of her hair. They sat together with Áedán on a dias in the back of the room, which had a wide view of the Hall in its entirety.
Satyros sat away from everyone else as they mixed and danced. His men had found women to woo as they were wont to do, though he accurately guessed that none would see anything come of it afterwards. Satyros enjoyed a hearty wine that made the heat of his face rise and his heart slow to almost a dead stop. The combination of music and drink dulled his senses to the point that he felt comfortable in his own mind. It was quiet there. His memory had become a blur and it was nice to feel nothing. This was apparent to everyone, clearly, for no one approached him until they had become too drunk to see that he did not want to be talked to.
“Cap’n,” The Rose said, sitting down heavily, a pint of what appeared to be beer, was sloshing around in his already inebriated hand, “I think we got it made. I didn’t know women could be so beautiful.”
“And everyone of them could kick my arse,” interjected Kai said, almost falling into Satyros’ lap. Satyros, already annoyed, pushed him away, disgusted. “Gah, Satyros. You’re such a recluse. There are women to be had and all you can do is sit in a corner and glower. Nadia always in your head,” Kai said in a sing-song manner, “Nadia’s dead.” Kai had no sense of manner when he was sober, so it was only logical for him to have none when inebriated.
“It rhymes. A singer in the making,” The Rose yelled in Satyros’ ear, laughing. All at once, they looked up to see the Queen in front of them. Satyros blanched. He wondered how long she had been standing there. Damn them all, he thought.
Maianiron’s face did not give away that she had overheard anything, however. “M’ lord, if you’re not occupied, I’d like you to meet the Captains that I’ve brought,” Maianiron said, directing her question towards Satyros.
“Of course, M’ lady,” Satyros said, setting aside his wine and standing to his feet. “It would be an honor.” Maianiron nodded towards Kai and The Rose and led Satyros towards the dias where two men stood, talking to each other closely. As they approached, the two men stopped their conversation and bowed to Maianiron.
“Gentlemen, this is Satyros Delphi, Captain of the Gedian squadron,” Maianiron said as they reached the men. The first man extended his hand and Satyros grasped his forearm in salutation.
“I am Elias, Captain of the Canivan Company. It is an honor to serve with you.” The man said, his voice thickly accented, but understandable.
“The pleasure is mine, sir.” Satyros said, returning in the Canivan tongue. Elias raised an eyebrow.
“A learner of languages, have we? That is well, m’ lord, in cases where translation is difficult.” Elias replied, glad to know that his work would be easier than he previously supposed.
The next man that extended his hand, Satyros recognized.
“And you are Lucius. Who once was a cavalryman in Mór’s squadron.” Satyros said, extending his hand once again. The man took a moment to try and place him and then his eyes got wide and he grinned.
“You’re the one that pulled me out from underneath my horse when I was trapped behind enemy lines” Lucius said, omitting the name of the enemy for Elias’ sake, no doubt. He laughed merrily, “I thought I’d never see the likes of you again. I got a lot to thank you for. Married a fine woman and I’ve got two boys now. My life would have been a pathetic waste had it not been for you.” Maianiron smiled in approval.
“It seems that life takes us in odd directions, does it not?” Maianiron asked acutely. The men nodded in agreement. “It is well that you have found each other,” she continued, staring past them, “For there is always a time when those debts may be repaid.” She blinked suddenly and focused back on the men. “I have other things to attend, m’ lords, but I trust that there is much that the three of you can talk of. Please, enjoy yourselves.” And with that, she inclined her head graciously to the men and left. They were silent for a moment, trying to understand what had just happened. Elias broke the silence with a forced laugh.
“Well, gentlemen, I think it’s safe to say that she is no normal woman. And this is no normal land, if my mind is not failing me.”
“Indeed, Elias, she is a ruler and a mighty one at that. She has my allegiance and my loyalty in everything.” Lucius replied, solemn.
“I must agree with my old friend,” Satyros said, careful to be diplomatic for it already seemed that he and Lucius had bonded whilst Elias remained on the outside. “She is a noble queen and what’s more, an exceptional leader. There’s not a man among her ranks that would not throw himself in front of arrows, spears, and swords to keep her from harm.”
“I do not doubt it, m’ lord,” Elias said, in a friendly acquiescent manner, “It just a bit hard to understand these customs and courtesies seeing as how Caniva is not a favorite among Restinnen. We’ve been given rooms and board, like our fool King never revolted in the first place.”
“What’s done is done, Captain,” Satyros said, “Fæ has forgotten our mixed past. I and my men shall forget also.”
“The qualms our countries had are of no concern to us, Elias. The Kings fight and the men die for it. Most like we were fighting over a hint of underhanded gesture that was one man having an itch,” replied Lucius, laughing.
Satyros joined in, knowing the joke was supposed to lighten the situation, but inside he fought hard to control his rage. Caniva’s “fool” King had allowed his men to rampage into Gedi and kill commoners in villages. The pillaging went further than just burning houses, it had involved the raping and murdering of innocents. Satyros granted forgiveness because it was what was required, but he had lied when he said he had forgotten. The truth was that he would never forget. The campaign had started when he was fifteen. He had learned to fight to end it. He had become a man there. He had learned wisdom and respect when he had witnessed his Captain accept the surrender of the Canivan forces;he had joined in the celebration, drank to his dead friends, and written the letters to tell their families of their end.
No, he would not forget, but he would set it aside until this effort was done. If he couldn’t do that, he would go mad. Madness would not help the Fæns. It would not help Maianiron, and it would not help his men to get home alive.
“By your leave, sers. We are up early tomorrow and have a long march ahead of us,” Satyros said, wanting to be free of the crowd and Elias. They both nodded their ascension and Satyros saluted them and made a brisk exit through a side door of the Hall.
The air was cool as he stepped out into the clear night. The heat of the hall had been pressing down on him. It was stifling. When he came to the end of the terrace, Satyros was at last alone. The return to quiet was soothing. His mind was clearing and he was able to gaze out into this mysterious land and see it for what it was. The land there was truly overridden by the green of Fæ. The very walls of the city seemed to melt into the trees. It was the closest he’d ever been to the wild whilst still in civilization. It seemed to fit. Fæ was civilized, but there was a wildness in the people that was as unpredictable as nature itself. He could not reason out why he felt as he did, but it was innate.
For a while, Satyros was able to forget Kai’s words, but in the quiet, he remembered and this time he could not escape. He had been innocent then with an innocent’s hopes, but that had all changed quickly. It seemed like an age had past since he thought of Nadia or of the fool dreams he had dreamed with her. He could still remember the way her hair smelled.
“You must contemplate much when you are alone,” Ren said as he stepped beside Satyros, distracting him from memories that were better left forgotten.
“And am always relieved of the contemplation when you break into them, Ren.” Satyros replied, ready for the distraction.
“Apologies m’ lord.”
“I am in dire need of company, so there is no need for an apology. What’s on your mind?”
“Kai is thoroughly drunk, as you well know. I escorted him to his room and posted Halidon at his door. I’m telling you this now because I also disarmed him,” Ren coughed a little at the last edict.
“You mean you knocked him out and threw him over your shoulder like a sack of grain?”
“Something of the sort, aye.”
“Sometimes he needs to be humiliated in front of the men.” Satyros said, not surprised by Kai’s lack of responsibility, but disappointed, nonetheless. It seemed that Kai always needed to be attended to. Satyros had contemplated sending him home on more than one occasion. He might still have a way to do that without disgracing him. If Satyros felt they would need Rosserick’s men, he would send Kai. It was an honorable duty and it would keep him out of trouble.
“Just thought you should know, Captain,” Ren said. He was about to turn away, but then thought better of it. “What Kai said this evening has no excuse, drunk or no. That was ill done.”
“It always is Ren. There’s no way around that one.”
“I suppose not, m’ lord. Suppose not.”
After that, there was nothing to say. Both fell back into a contemplative state. Though they had not mentioned it, it was the march that would begin their journey in the morning that was primarily on their minds. Satyros generally liked to think in the quiet on his own, but somehow, Ren’s presence was not wholly displeasing.
II
Maianiron had heard the drunken man’s words to Satyros and had seen the pain evident in his face earlier that evening. It was something that Maianiron had not guessed about the Gedian Captain, but she was not surprised that the reason behind his grave demeanor was so devastating. It explained his attitude towards her. It explained why he was abnormally willing to give her a chance at command.
“You are thinking very hard, Maia,” Cael said, as he sat beside her, his arm around her waist in a lovingly possessive manner.
“Yes, just something I accidently discovered about Captain Delphi. It answers many of my questions,” she replied.
“Ah, the quiet one. Áedán introduced us. We had breakfast together the day after they arrived. Very intelligent man, to be sure. He is reserved and clearly not a seeker of glory. I liked him immediately.”
“As did I. One of his men said something to him this evening that I had heard by chance. It seems that he was in love with a woman.”
“That is nothing new, m’ lady, as you well know.”
“It seems that she is dead. He was distraught at the mention of her name, but was deft at governing his face from the others.” Maianiron said, reminiscing. That look was one that she did not care to see again. It had been hard for her to ignore the remark, yet it was not her place to interfere in those matters that did not directly concern her people or the lives of the men.
Cael nodded, thinking back to his encounter with the captain. “That makes sense. Áedán made light mention of marriage at our breakfast and Satyros went pale. I laughed at it at first, thinking he simply had no taste for it. Clearly that is what it was, just not in the way I thought,” he said, his eyes distant. He was not sure how he could live, with the knowledge that Maia was dead. He did not want to think of it. It would never happen. He would not let it.
“There was another man there that I thought was going to pummel the drunk one for his words. He would have done, if I had not been standing there, I believe.”
“Ah, the big man that follows Satyros like a shadow?”
“Yes. Twice the size of his captain and older, too. A quiet man with a glint of wisdom in his eye. He is soft-spoken until roused to anger and then he is a man to be reckoned with.” Maianiron said, smiling with the remembrance.
“How do you know this?” Cael asked, perplexed.
“I have seen him once before. During the Rebellion. When we entered the field, the Paleian and Gedian forces were already in the battle.” Cael tried to think of it, but shrugged, completely at a lost. Maianiron raised an eyebrow, “You couldn’t miss this man, he stood taller than the rest and the manifestation of his rage was like a massive wave crushing a boat. He wielded an axe that could split a man in two. I would not want to fight opposite him, m’ lord. That is a certainty.”
“Then it is a good that he is Satyros’ shadow. He will make sure the Captain comes to no harm.”
“I think that our Captain can hold his own, but I agree,” Maianiron said, sincerely. “This man will be loyal in everything. Satyros needs that kind of man behind him. The drunk one is supposed to be his closest friend, so I’ve heard, but he is too wrapped up in himself; unwise and dangerous. I think the Captain is beginning to recognize this.” They were quiet for a moment, each in their own thoughts.
“It will be good to fight once more at your side, Maia. It has been long years since we have fought together,” Cael said, truly happy to be back in her presence; glad to have retained the honor of fighting on her right hand in battle. She would not need his protection, but it was refreshing, invigorating even, to fight beside her. She gave him added strength. He knew not how, but it was there all the same.
“We will have done with this war soon and there will be no more battles to fight,” Maianiron said, a wistful look played in her eyes. “I am ready for peace, Cael. I am ready to rule our people as in the days of old.”
“If we live to see it, it will be a glorious day.”
“It will, indeed.”
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SFeigley reviewed Version 1 -
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Valdieron reviewed Version 1 -
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I’m backkkkk! haha.
As all your other chapters, I enjoyed this one, although perhaps not as much as some. To me it seemed like it lacked a little ‘depth’. Perhaps being a bit shorter, it lacked a bit of detail and description. I would have liked the Gala to come alive! For such an extravagant event, give us a bit more of a picture of what is happening. All there seemed to be was the big fight, then everybody was drunk haha. Being a bit shorter, I also didn’t get much more in the way of character depth or feeling, other than what appears to be a deeper brooding from Satyros.
Some things to work on:
Usage of ‘that’. I know as writers we get pestered about this all the time, sometimes for good reason, other times because it’s the ‘thing to say’, even if unnecessary haha. Take, however, your first paragraph. 3 uses of ‘that’, which could be removed without altering the flow or what you are trying to say. Would even go as far as to remove the first sentence. We don’t need to be told it was extravagant, show it with the descriptions and the visuals and the reactions of the participants.
Satyros led his men into the grandiose Hall and took their allocated places on a row of benches positioned near the center of the room. Other soldiers were present (at the benches or in the room???), soldiers Satyros assumed were from Paleia and Caniva, but they would meet soon enough, so he did not trouble himself with more than a cursory introduction.
Almost as soon as Satyros sat down, there was a hush that swept through the room.
This just feels a bit ‘clumsy’ for want of a better word. Perhaps,
Not long after Satyros was seated, a hush swept through the room.
both swords fell on the neck of the other.
This gives the impression of the blows actually landing, not being pulled.
The silence that had before ….. very foundations of the Hall.
Good imagery, but I would suggest a re-word,
The silence, which had enveloped the room, was broken as a roar erupted from the people; a fierce roar that threatened the very foundations of the Hall.
it seemed that they were trying to
Perhaps,
As if to
in the back of the room,
‘at’ instead of ‘in’?
which had a wide view of the Hall in its entirety.
Wide and entirety seem redundant, I would suggest remove ‘wide’
Satyros sat away from everyone else as they mixed and danced.
This gives the impression he sought solitude? If so, perhaps mention that and give a bit of a motive for it.
accurately guessed
Whose POV is the guess accurate? This seems like it doesn’t really fit, to me anyway. Perhaps say something like,
Had learned enough of the ways of these people
This was apparent to everyone, clearly, for no one approached him until they had become too drunk to see that he did not want to be talked to.
Something I get drilled into me on here is POV. Whose POV is this, as it strikes as telling rather than showing (Sorry, another oft-used criticism on this site). Not sure it is even necessary, as we get the impression of him being left alone, until a drunken Kai almost stumbles onto his lap.
“Cap’n,” The Rose said, sitting …… didn’t know women could be so beautiful.”
I won’t be pedantic with this sort of thing, I just wanted to point out that in a few places, sentence structure could be tightened a little for better flow and readability. My opinion anyway, remember the grain of salt!
“Cap’n,” said The Rose, sitting down heavily, a pint of what appeared to be beer sloshing around in his already inebriated hand. “I think we got it made. I didn’t know women could be so beautiful.”
“And everyone of them ……. him to have none when inebriated.
With the change of POV from Kai to Satyros back to Kai, toy need to break this up into their own paragraphs.
“And everyone of them could kick my arse,” interjected Kai said, almost falling into Satyros’ lap.
Satyros, already annoyed, pushed him away, disgusted.
“Gah, Satyros. You’re such a ……
“M’ lord, if you’re not occupied, I’d like you to meet the Captains that I’ve brought,”
Having ‘that I have brought’ seems sloppy. Perhaps just say,
“M’ lord, if you’re not occupied, I’d like you to meet the other Captains.”
Elias raised an eyebrow.
“A learner of languages, have we?
Once again, POV. Instead of the raised eyebrow after Satyros’ words, have it before Elias’ dialogue.
Elias replied, glad to know that his work would be easier than he previously supposed.
I would remove this. We can tell from his words he is glad for this reason.
I won’t go further, you get the idea of the sort of things I am pointing out. Don’t take this as criticism, as I am enjoying the story thus far, and look forward to more!
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JEBradwyn reviewed Version 1 -
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Most like we were fighting over a hint of underhanded gesture that was one man having an itch,” replied Lucius, laughing.
I liked this line and found it to be very funny as a matter of fact; funny and highly relevant in its description of how the common man has to fight in silly wars of kings…
Of all the chapters, I feel that this one is the best written. I think it has a very good balance of dialogue and narrative description (and very few grammatical errors—at least to my noticing).
I sense some tension brewing in Kai and Satyros’ relationship ahead. For a Mai/Satyros fan like me, its refreshing to see how much she cares about Sat’s grief.
Can’t wait for chapter 8!
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