Poetry / One Wish Granted

I think that you should have an elipse (”:”) after the word “forlorn”. It would make more sense, grammatically.

I love this- especially the fisherman’s part. The rhyme scheme is flawless, the rhythm flows beautifully. I can’t think of anything that’s wrong with this one! It’s really very good. Very well done!

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November 16, 2005

by souris

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Thinking back, I kind of agree with “coverthis84” about the ending. It’s just as strong as the rest of the poem, but it doesn’t really end it clearly. Other than that, though- I loved it!

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The imagery reminds me of Hemingway’s Old Man and The Sea and hints to Coleridge a bit, but the simple end-rhyme is pre-modern style that I do not care for in contemporary poetry (Same with the capitalization of the first word of every line). The content is also extremely narrative, which is more suited for prose. Outside of my prejudices, the poem is structurally sound, and I applaud the simplicity of it.

A nice poem, although the rhyming seemed a bit forced, but then again, rhyming usually is forced.  I like the idea for the poem though, and the beauty of your words.  8

I like the rhythm 7 to a large extent I like how the opening mimics the fisherman, but I think you need to be careful.  I would try not to waste words or stall with “And these were the words he spoke…” for the sake of the number of beats ur looking for, but I agree that the beats are important.  

The fisherman’s lines flow beautifully.  I like “bent and grey” and “My mind is on heaven.”

“In a flash” reminds me too much of “The Night Before Christmas.”

Just a suggestion, but I think it might work well if the 1st line of the last stanza was changed to “As.”  The repetition appeals to me.

The use of language was very good. The poem kept my attention. I like how it told a story. I also like how I could follow the story and not be confused. You did a great job.

The first two stanzas of this poem are great, they sound like an instant classic, like a folk song or tale you’re told as a child but then the poem changes tack in the third stanza.  The following stanzas flow well but they don’t have the spark of originality the first two so obviously had.  

This poem is so sad..reminds me of my grandmother who prayed every night to be taken away…she to finally got her prayers answered..i saw a beautiful and tragic image when i read it…nice work.. :)

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November 10, 2005

by Deleted User

The more I think about it the more i agree with another reviewer…a few more lines and a stronger ending may improve this poem…over all i enjoyed it.. :)

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