Poetry / The shadows of my soul

Its got emotion..as it says, “darkness blacker than a starless night” kind of a bummer feeling. 2nd line of last stanza maybe leave out “for”.

The content of the poem is great, but the punctuation, capitalization, and spelling errors are a problem. In the first section, the first line should be followed by a semicolon, and in the second line, “thats” should be “that’s”. In the very last line of the second section, “till” should be ”’til”, and “i” should be capitalized to “I”. In my poetry, I don’t usually capitalize i’s, but looking at the rest of the poem, it seems like i’s should be capitalized in this piece. Again, the subject and content of the poem is great, but the presentation should be revised.

waiting for the final day- suggestion

Madness come quickly as i dwell in darkness
blacker than the starless night.
till one day i’m taken,
waiting for a better life.
still it doesn’t come as i wait.- suggestion

Overall, it’s pretty boring. Where’s the enthusiasm? The screams of a tortured madman? Its voice is just so…calm and static. It’s like you’re announcing the day’s weather, instead of lamenting over atrocity—which isn’t described, either. I have no idea what happened to you, and I want to. What could possibly turn a soul so black? Describe it, put some imagery and emotion into it! And capitalize your i’s!

couple of questions.  Why is your soul darken than oblivion, and why would most say that.  the first two lines are very important in a poem, they draw a reader in.  i think if you give the poem a bit more “meat” it may flow better, mean more to the reader, and become more of a memorable poem.  good start to a poem with promise.