“lots of prepositions there”...lol…You have a point. I don’t think anyone’s put it that way.
I know…I tend to over-use commas, prepositions and the F-Word.
A lot of my submissions don’t have a suitable category. I wish Urbis gave us a few more choices (“Letters” or “Opinion” or “Rants” for examples). Yes, journalism isn’t the right category but, what…?
Journalism / Perfect Opportunity
President Bush stated at Ground Zero that he finds it “hard not to think about the people who lost their lives.” Isn’t this statement curiously revealing, implying that he’s expending effort trying “not to think about” them? The concern of this President has never been for the individuals who lost their lives on that day.
This administration used the death of the 9/11 victims as justification to launch their own war on Iraq. They use it as a smokescreen while they wage war our rights to privacy. They use it to smear anyone who disagrees with their policies as being ”unpatriotic” or worse. They hide behind it to attempt to prevent us from holding the politicians in our government accountable for their actions and their mistakes.
Events have shown clearly that President Bush and his administration view the 9/11 disaster not so much as a human tragedy but as a perfect opportunity.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
January 17, 2007
Deleted User
Review of Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
This 362 word review has not been unlocked.
LadyMactans reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
This seems like a great introduction to a much longer piece. I understand letters to editors of newspapers generally have to be short. However, I do think this would be good as a full on persuasive essay. You introduce some good points and a strong opinion, now all you need to do is expand and back it up. Good luck.
- add/view comments (1)
wenmelb reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Good piece which is well written, concise, informative and opens the door for responses from both sides of the argument. Clearly states your views on the situation.
Whiskey reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I like that you picked up the implication of the Bush quote. It is frightening.
You forgot the word “on” between “war” and “our” in the second paragraph.
Great letter.
KatieDub226 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
This comes across as more editorial than journalistic. If that is your intent, then well done. If you’re intending this as journalism, I think you need more hard facts. You definitely mention the administration’s use of 9/11 for the war, but don’t necessarily cite any sources or specific instances, which would lead me to not review this as a piece of journalism.
I stumbled over the sentence ”...hide behind it to attempt to prevent us from…” Lots of prepositions there! Maybe re-word it. Well spoken, good intent, good emotion. Good work overall.
TimeTrader reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
“while they wage war our rights to privacy’ = wage war on our rights. . .?
your opinion is well stated. It is an opinion piece/editorial, not strictly journalism.
Logically you are making a leap from one statement to “has never been for the individuals.. .”
In the sentence that includes, “to attempt to prevent us”, ‘to attempt’ is unnecesssry in this sentence and softens the impact of the word, ‘prevent’.
Write On!
Showing 1 - 6 of 6
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
6 Reviews 3 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: about 1 year ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 0 Times
Ratings & Rankings
