Novel Treatments / Amanda
This is part of a series of stories i wanna write 2 be in a book called City of Lost Souls. Based basically on me and friends. Our experiences being in this city of lost dreams and unfufilled promises.
I thought I was in love. I thought he was the one. I thought we’d be together forever. I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought I knew what I was getting into. I don’t know what I thought, but whatever it was it must have been a lie. Because here I am sitting on this cold chair alone, in this hospital gown about to get an abortion. All alone again alone. No mom. No dad. All alone. No one knows, but him. He gave me the money so this must be what I want. I’m only sixteen I can’t take care of a baby. This baby wouldn’t won’t to be brought into this world; I wouldn’t want to be relegated to this city. This city of broken dreams and unfulfilled promises. She’s better off not being brought into this world, or he, or whatever it is. Whether it is alive or not. It won’t be after today. I just couldn’t see myself raising this baby, by myself. I wouldn’t won’t to put it through the hell I was put through. I don’t even see myself leaving this town, I just don’t. No matter how hard I try to leave I can’t. and every time I look into the mirror all I see is my mothers eyes, my mothers nose, my mothers face. A face of stripping, a face of whoring your body for money, a face of abandonment. I cant put the baby through that I just cant. If only the father wanted to keep it then maybe it, could have a life. Hes got money, hes got power, hes what this city thrives on. His family is the heart without them there’d be nothing else. The city, this cold heartless city would lose what ever power it has left. So why should I deprive the city of a future heir. Why am I only thinking about myself? I should think about the baby. To hell with it. I should think about the city. The scandal this would cause. I can see it now front page. 16 year old fosters a love child of a prominent business man. I could milk this baby for all its worth, I could finally leave this god forsaken city, I could be happy, but what about them. What about the broken family I would have created. What about his wife and kids? How would they feel to be left alone to fend for themselves while daddy is gone to prison? How would they live? I couldn’t do it. I’m not like them. I’m not like him. I have a heart. A dream. I have passions. I know what I have to do and I hope he, she whatever it is understand. But now I lay here crying a lake of tears. All because of the choice I chose to make. A split second decision because he said he loved me and I believed him. I looked dead in his icy blue eyes and so nothing but lust and desire, but still I believed him. Now I’m the only one with the blood of my unborn child stained across my chest.
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Wow, this is fantastic writing! It’s engaging from the start. ”the blood of my unborn child stained across my chest”- omigosh, that is some good writing! you have a gift of getting inside the head of your characters. 1 nitpicky thing, but get it out of there because some anal retentive spelling freak is going to have a cow - I still have my hopes and desires and my “conscience.” not “concious”. No biggie. Dang, you have a real gift. Don’t stop writing!
Best of luck to you!
Stevie Rey
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There is a lot of powerful emotion here. I just think it needs some polishing. It would be more interesting to read if less sentences were started with “I”.
It would also be interesting to know more about what the character looks like and her surroundings.
What is the town like? What does she dream should could be?
I would work more and expand this piece, I think there could be a lot more told.
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