Poetry / She Carries On, She Shines
She carries with her a long and well written book,
her lips are obscure and stern is her look,
She is not baffled for she knows who she is,
a heart that is set in eternal bliss,
The sweet aroma of the morning blooms,
as the sun rises above and down sets the moon,
There is not a stench, or a fowl, no memories of a hard clad night,
As light enters from darkness, the truth is in sight,
No horses are trampling and compacting the soil,
The teapot she set on the stove starts to boil,
The morning is perfect, the air is fresh;
It is warm, there is a breeze blowing in from the west,
Affixed with affinity and a love of this way,
She shall never grow tired of all of these perfect days,
The grace of the morning, the lilies of the afternoon,
The valiant evening that arrives before the wolves begin to howl to the moon,
Understanding is what she reaps,
She must be sowing decency,
Woe to the heavens, for it is heaven on earth,
The Angel’s sing in heaven as they see this truthful birth.
And how long can she carry on in this marvelous time?
It shall be forever, that she carries on, she shines.
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I have only one word for this poem and it’s “Wow.” This poem would have to become my new favorite. I loved the rhyming because unlike most poems, the rhyming is not cliche. The poem really got to me with it’s beautifully written words. Keep up the good work.
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This piece was nice…describing a woman and how she still moves on each day…very confident about who she is and how she lives her life. I liked the descriptive phrases your used….each line allows readers to follow and see what her daily activities are…from the kitchen stove to the wolves howling outside, etc. Good job there. It looks like you were goin for the rhyming scheme throughout your piece…I felt that the the rhyming scheme of the third and fourth stanza was a bit off…I reread the piece several times and I still felt the same way…it sounded a bit off. Overall, good work.
Well done I enjoyed reading this, the flow is sometimes a little stilted only because of a few quite long lines, but other than that thank you for sharing a well written verse.
January 01, 2007
Deleted User
That’s really beautiful. i love the rhyme and the flow. There’s really nothing I can critique, it’s great :-)
It was well written, but it just seems to happy. Nobody’s life is that perfect, no matter what. If life was like that we would never grow like people, we’d just live these perfect lives. To me it almost seems like the character is just to lost in thinking she’s got everything when in fact she may not. It just doesn’t seem real to me.
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