Hmm… I must have missed that poster in my counseling/therapist tours.
:)
Poetry / Offering
Angels sent to save you,
God’s offer of a second chance
at love, at self, at hope, at redemption.
We traveled a hell of a long way to be at your side,
so please, excuse our appearance if we seem
just shy of homeless.
It’s a rough road these days
for those of us who care about Love.
Who care about others.
We have battled the Devil
to get the experience we need to understand
the darkness in you.
We have fought the Saints
to win you a chance to take up
your standard of Light for Heaven to see.
We have awed the mortal Holies
with our faith in your potential
to be a Force of Good, a hand of God.
So we stand here now
a Trinity of our own making,
Poet, Priestess, Child.
We open ourselves up
to be your doorways into Mystery.
But you must take the first step.
We make no promises.
The road is not without peril
because it is the road of YOUR design.
We only offer the crossroads,
the turnings, the markers of the Way,
a chance to work your will to good effect.
The loss isn’t in choosing,
there is more than one turning,
or marker on every road.
You lose by not taking the step
by closing the door before you see
the size of the world beyond it.
So step through the doorways,
Find love behind one, self through another,
hope shining on the horizon, redemption through choice.
We make no promises
we are scarred from our battles.
But our hearts are whole
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speakitfreely reviewed Version 1 -
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It took me 2 times reading this piece to figure out if this was a religious piece or more inspirational. I see it’s neither. When I read it, it actually makes me think of a legacy of women, like a great-grandmother, grandmother, and mother, giving advice and saving a daughter.
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January 10, 2007
Deleted User
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I LOVE this poem. . .this is exactly how I have felt many times, in many situations.
I really wish I’d written this!
I wish I could show this poem to some of the people I’ve tried to help over the years. . .
My only issue is that the punctuation needs just a couple of changes: fewer commas, more semicolons and full stops.
Other than that. . .I am more than passing fond of this work, and again. . .I wish I’d written it!
Thank you for sharing this. . .thank you for writing of feelings so close to me. . .
Toxictears reviewed Version 1 -
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I’m not much on religion these days but this is a fresh new look at the subject,your word usage is excellent in this work and the poem flow is very smooth,true mastery comes to mind as I read it. can’t wait to see more from you
Hx reviewed Version 1 -
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I haven’t read the companion piece you mention in your Notes, so I could only judge this piece on its own merits. My single handicap (near as I can tell) is that it’s unclear to me who the narrators (‘we’) are.
Nonetheless, it’s a very artful piece which flows nicely and with great language. The second stanza, in particular, was great.
Can’t quibble with much I saw here – certainly nothing mechanical or grammatical. I’m not sure that it was necessary to capitalize “YOUR” (stanza 9). It didn’t seem the emphasis that implies was really needed, and it tends to break the flow just a little.
Besides that – very nice. Thanks for sharing.
beccapikle reviewed Version 1 -
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I think it’s a poem that begs more than one read. I loved the second and last stanzas, especially the line, “just shy of homeless”.
The world needs more people who aren’t afraid to speak their minds about religion.
Bien escrito.
brokenhand reviewed Version 1 -
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I have to say, head count was MUCH better.
First of all, who is you? It is a pet peeve of mine that many poets use the word you constantly without that pro-noun being attributed to anyone real. When that happens I have to immediatly assume that “you” is me – and therefore your poem sounds preachy.
Your poem is standing a little shy of cliche. Words like “darkness, light, and good” are what’s contributing to this. In fact the phrase “you lose by not taking a step” is on a kitty poster in my high school counslers office, I believe.
ll_eclipse_ll reviewed Version 1 -
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Simple and sweet. I find that it is beautiful in the fact it speaks truth,and without confusion.
“So step through the doorways,
Find love behind one, self through another,
hope shining on the horizon, redemption through choice.”
Good advice and my favorite part. Hope you keep writing,would enjoy reading more.
zahir reviewed Version 1 -
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Beautiful! I love the description of “just shy of homeless”.
I really didn’t take this so much as a religious piece, despite the references to God and Angels. I imagine the speaker/speakers as those people (angels?) who bail your ass out of trouble when you need them, because they’ve been through it, too, and have survived with similar help. It also bears the stern warning that what follows is based on making choices. I totally relate.
The rhythm is very comfortable; the short stanzas help with that, and to make it visually pleasing and inviting.
This is perhaps the best piece I’ve seen on this site. Congrats!
tentoes reviewed Version 1 -
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Over all, an excellent piece of writing. To me,the sign of a good writer of philosophy, is his ability to present his views, (whether I share them or not), in an interesting, fresh, or lyrical enough manner to at least pique my interest. You have that gift.
Poetically, I love the general flow and your choice of words and phrasing. It occurs to me that stanzas one through three could stand on their own as a separate piece, as could the stanzas that follow. In fact, stanzas four and after have an entirely different feel to me. Interesting—-
Good job, you!
smiles,
toes
John_Ranceir reviewed Version 1 -
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I haven’t read “Head Count” yet (now I have to), but I have to say that this is amazing. The writer is truly experienced and has a way as explaining things so that even the…not so smart people can understand it. I have absolutely nothing negative to say about it. This piece will definitely be added to my favorites.
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