Lyrics / would you...

I liked this poem, it seems you are talking of an inner child, and a aloneness.

That was beautiful and sad at the same time. It seemed like something to come out of a musical, like maybe Johnathan Larson’s Rent or something like that. I thought it was very well written. Kudos.
Best Regards,
Ari

I find this is more of a poem then lyrics.  The flow of it would be hard, in my mind, to fit to a song. Other than that it sounds good. It rhymes when needed and it brings the mixed emotion of being scared. If anything I would rely whats going on more clearly. We know that the person is crying and is scared, but about what. What got the person to this point? Also a resolution would be nice, but def. not needed. I would want to know if the person will care to hold the other or if the person is to bitter to be compassionate. An ending would be good, but if you feel it should be left unresolved then that is perfectly fine too. It makes the listener/reader come up with their own conclusion which will in turn make it more their song. This is a great song and is very “in your face”. Especially with the “come bless me with your knife”
That makes for good poetry/music. Good job.

“a torn life filled with strife
come bless me with your knife” Very vivid imagery!

thats pretty good, but i think you may have over done it a little with the rhyming towards the end, but over all its good.

It seems like you’ve been broken hearted.. I’m sorry. I can identify myself with you. We only crave for what everyone wants and needs in this live and that is love. It’s okay to feel that you’re a child because they are the ones who just love the attention from those who care and love them. They who feel like they have so much energy in themselves. When they express love it’s okay, but when we as adults do, it’s something out of this world. It seems like you’ve had it hard out there. You never know, things might turn around and instead of getting a stabb, you’ll get a helping arm who will only bring you comfort and support.  You can still be that child just know when to switch it on and off. I never would like to lose that inner child that I have in me because I will only be miserable with myself and others if I do. I think I just wrote too much in inconherance. Good lyrics here! Now I just want for it to be heard. I wonder who would be good for this song… Avril Lavinge.. lol

Mari

something about this one caught my eye. maybe its cause i can relate but then again i tend to relate to a lot ur pieces.
“this child in my heart is all i have left to hold on to”
i love the sound of this and i am still thinking about it…i read it as not wanting to let go of that inner child, hope.
i like how u said love me til i fall asleep when so many people say love me forever…left me feeling sad and still trying to understand why.
good work _anji