The song is about the people being such good friends that he wants to become lovers. You are thinking that they are already together and thats why the bridge is confusing to you.
Lyrics / Keep On
Verse 1
Here it goes again no chapter to begin,
and I’m curious,
How all this will turn out.
And all this pain ensues my thoughts,
When I think a lot,
About how beautiful she is and how I could have made her happier.
Selfishness could have,
Been a motivator for all this,
But all I wanted was to share a television dream.
A perfect home.
A Perfect love to call my own.
If only she’d pursue her dreams.
Chorus
I’m sick of this crying.
Should I keep on trying to love her more?
Tear upside down my whole life?
To show that it’s her that I’m fighting for.
Should I move from this place?
Show her these tears running down this face.
And tell her that I’d give everything,
Just to have her heart.
Verse 2
And all I ask,
Give me one chance to prove that I am,
The one you need, the one to compliment your dreams.
I promise I’ll last.
Just take my hand forget the past.
There is so much we have to see.
Chorus
I’m sick of this crying.
Should I keep on trying to love her more?
Tear upside down my whole life?
To show that it’s her that I’m fighting for.
Should I move from this place?
Show her these tears running down this face.
And tell her that I’d give everything,
Just to have her heart.
Bridge
No more friends,
But lovers and not the thought of it,
Cause it hurts to much.
And if you don’t say “Yes.”,
Then I’ll always be forever crushed,
And broken.
So please save me from this,
This unhappiness.
This unhappiness.
Alternate Chorus
I’m done with this crying.
And I’ll keep on trying to love her more.
I’ll tear upside down my whole life.
To show that it’s her that I’m fighting for.
And I’ll move from this place.
Show her these tears running down this face.
And tell her that I’d give everything,
Just to have her heart.
STA
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Fallstar reviewed Version 1 -
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I like those lyrics. They fit well with the rhythm I imagined in my head, and the lines’ length is good and varied without sounding bad. You’ve kept to a good rough sequence with the line lengths. And adding in a bridge and the ending Chorus is good.
One minor thing, which is the second verse. You should try to keep the verses the same length. Otherwise, good lyrics. I can easily imagine them being sung to a song.
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ReneagoesRAWR reviewed Version 1 -
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Wow, you wrote this? I really like the vibes it gives me. I also understand these lyrics. I don’t know why, maybe it is because I’m always listening to music. I guess that’s why I always choose this category to review =) lol.
~*Renea
princess_tommy reviewed Version 1 -
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That was beautiful. I think that is going to be one of those great love songs one day. The feeling that are expressed are clearly showed. And that’s, like, uber good. This would probably go really good with maybe a slow ish rythem. This is really good. Good luck!
Fragyl reviewed Version 1 -
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This song has some really good word usage in it.
MY favorite part:
‘I’m sick of this crying.
Should I keep on trying to love her more?
Tear upside down my whole life?
To show that it’s her that I’m fighting for.”
It is great that the emotions that you are trying to get across are vivid and sincere.
However, the rhythm and the cadence of this song is really jarring and disjointed.
There are parts of the song that make absolutely no sense.
For example:
‘No more friends,
But lovers and not the thought of it,
Cause it hurts to much.”
Not only does that part not make any sense, it really just doesn’t flow well as a song.
The rhyming is very inconsistant. Some songs don’t rhyme everything, but the parts that they don’t rhyme still stay consistant with the flow and cadence of the song.
I really do like the first verse, it just needs some tweaking as far as how the flow of words lay in the song.
Keep trying to work on this song, if your goal is to get it on the air.
I hope this review was helpful to you.
Blessed be
MaggieMinardi reviewed Version 1 -
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Without hearing the music, it’s tough to say if you’ll get your goal. But if you’ve got the guts to put it out here, you’ll probably perform. The music will make or break this song. Will it be a soft ballad or are you going to give it an edge? Personally, go with a little edge, but that’s a jaded old girl.
I know what you’re saying and I think the words are great.
The Bridge lost me a bit in the first three lines. If you’re good lovers, you’ve got to still be friends; how you get that across is up to you.
Not the thought of it cause it hurts too much? I don’t get it.
This is a universal pain and you hear it well.
confessdeny reviewed Version 1 -
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If only she’d pursue her dreams.
If only she’d pursue my dreams—seems like it would tie in with what you’re saying more.
I like the flow of the chorus.
the verses are a little bit too elegant thought.. i’d like a rough edge on them to show the passion
And if you don’t say “Yes.”,
Then I’ll always be forever crushed,
And broken.
take this out of the bridge. I’m being a lyric nazi I know, but i think it would be better without it, because the first two lines in your bridge are really awesome, they’ve got kick, and then you just got the beggin’ in there, there’s enough of that, the bridge in a song is supposed to bring in a contrasting idea – which you nearly did brilliantly with your first two lines.
I’d be interested to hear how you sing this.
yang reviewed Version 1 -
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i liked the meaning. it really does bring out that emotion that the reader wants to feel from reading it. i can sort of put a pattern in my head that it could be sung to, but the only problem with reading lyrics rather than poems is that poems usually have a constant pattern while lyrics move with the singers tone and creative touch. i can see this easily making a good rock song (sorry if you dont want to perform under that genre). it was overall good, the chorus was great but the verses, in my opinion seemed to cover the point and bring out the emotions, but not as strongly as the chorus did. thanks though, i enjoyed reading this.
IAmThatHero reviewed Version 1 -
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Wow, this is very powerful! i fet like i was right there with you through this stuff, and possibly it is because i have dealt with the exact same thing in my life. It is relly good because of that fact: people can relate to it.
As a songwriter myself, i have learned that it is these types of songs that people dub “my” song… because it means so much to them, and it is very specific about what it is talking about, yet general enough to apply to anyone who has faced this dilemna before.
Good job brother, keep up the good songwriting! i only wish i coud hear this to music, ‘cause i know that the music would make it so much more powerful!
LeAnn reviewed Version 1 -
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I think this would make a great song. Great flow, could be a little easier reading. I have been told by a few musicians that songs should flow easily as if you were speaking to someone. I wish you lots of luck. Good lyrics. Gool Luck.
BFTD540 reviewed Version 1 -
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I like lyrics that go somewhere and this does just that. I don’t know what kind of music you’re into but it rings of “Robert Bradley and the Black water Surprise”. It’s contemporary blues. I like it and with very little trimming it could be one of his songs. That’s not to say it isn’t original. Love songs are a hard sell today in any genre (except maybe country) Good stuff, keep going…Neil…AKA…Neil
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