Poetry / Whoring....

Whoring

I watch you standing there
Almost hardness outlined in your Calvins;
Out of date.
Your cock all that David never had,
Even if its not marble hard yet.
The laces up my back cinched tighter than my will
Though tightly bound.
I lunge at the growing problem
to solve.
My lips undo the office bitch, the ass-chewing that the boss gave you
and the bumper to bumper traffic all the way here.

Id never tire of sucking you down.
Empty lust newly found
Like the lies not even hidden.
You shallow prick.

Some things we never get to find out;
Or do we?
Like how I taste on your tongue,
Me on you on me.
Help me. Undo me, if you can.

Not undone, I dance this suffocating dance over your mouth
Finally full and quiet, thighs on ears.
Lifting for your breaths, deserved now and then,
I laugh at your exquisitely placed predicament,
And press harder in.
And when fed, I find I still am of want,
No more than that which will fill me,
I slide deeply upon you.
It doesnt seem a problem now
To fuck you.

Growing weary of this game,
My mouth will never suck upon yours.
Some things we will never know,
And some we will…........Cinnamon

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Reviews

January 11, 2007

Terence

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3	0.0% (0 votes)	100.0%

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32	M	Radford, VA	July 10

Terence reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

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January 07, 2007

noir

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
40	55.6% (9 votes)	13.0%

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37	M	Portland, OR	July 26

noir reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

This poem surprises me. You are a very talented poet. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

From the second line, “Almost hardness outlined in your Calvins;
Out of date.” you manage to capture a strong image that’s ambitious and also ambiguous. The reader isn’t sure if the “whore” is the pursuer or the pursued. Starting this poem that way makes it stronger.

“The laces up my back cinched tighter than my will
Though tightly bound.” An interesting juxtaposition. You say it’s tightly bound, but it’s not clear if you’re talking about your will or the laces. The only option is for the laces to be even tighter, right? Excellent.

“My lips undo the office bitch, the ass-chewing that the boss gave you ” is an excellent line. Also a potent juxtaposition between your lips and the boss’s.

“I laugh at your exquisitely placed predicament,” also a great line. Great alliteration here.

“It doesnt seem a problem now
To fuck you.” This line is very base, vulgar, but also jarring in a good way.

“Some things we will never know,
And some we will…” My only real complaint about the whole poem. I know an ending is hard to nail, but this just seems a little weak, almost like you gave up.

There is a great exploration of the body politic in this work. The dynamic between who is the whore and who is doing the whoring is something you could play with further.

Anyway, very well done.