Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Kate's Bad Date Hall O' Fame
This is by no means an exhaustive list of the inductees into Kate’s Bad Date Hall O’ Fame. It is merely a small sampling for your reading pleasure. May you never have a date like any of these.
The Coke Dealer
I had been seeing my date for about a month. He wasn’t my boyfriend. That night I noticed he was getting paged a lot. Through dinner. Through the first bar. Through the second bar, where we planned to ring in the new year. (Nice bars. Not shitty dives.) Finally I said, “Wow! That’s a lot of pages!” I don’t normally pry into people’s calls or pages, particularly that early in dating, but he was getting paged every 10 minutes! He looked at me, at about 11:58 p.m. and said, “I have to be honest with you….”. Yeah. Oh shit, right? ”I move a little blow from time to time.” WTF???? I don’t use drugs. He and I had never even discussed the subject. I’d never seen him do any drugs on the six or so dates we’d been on. So as the new year rang in, I was staring at this guy I would never talk to again, saying, “You whattttttttt?????”.
The Secret Brain Injury Guy
Ok. This one was TOTALLY not my fault! I was in a bar one night. There was a band. It was very, very loud. Before long I noticed this TOTALLY HOT guy sitting nearby with a friend. He was staring at me, and so we started the whole smile, eye contact, glance away thing. After about 20 minutes of this, he came over and spoke to me. It was so loud in the bar I could really barely hear him, but he basically said he thought I was beautiful and could he have my number. Um. Hell yeah he could have my number. He was hot as all hell! So I gave him my number on a small piece of paper from my purse. He asked if we could have lunch the next day. I said sure, call me tomorrow. Awesome!
I got home at 3:30 a.m. to a very angry roommate. ”Who is David?” she demanded angrily. Apparently, he had already called, several times. Ok. Very uncool, but he was totally hot, so not a dealbreaker. She asked me what was wrong with him, and I said he was obviously totally smashed to be calling like that.
Next day around noon David called. He sounded sort of funny, but I figured he was hung over from the night before. We make arrangements to meet for lunch at a microbrewery that has awesome food and a really chill atmosphere. When I arrived, he was already there. Smoking. Hot. I sat down, and we started talking. You know the drill, so great to see you again, totally wanted to talk to you at the bar, etc. etc. He was still talking kind of funny, and I started to wonder if he had been drinking that morning. Finally he noticed me noticing and said, “I should tell you something…”. I shouldn’t have to tell you that I’m getting pretty sick of guys saying that to me on dates. He then told me that he was in a motorcycle accident several years before and had suffered a brain injury. He did not work and needed almost full time care. Again, and not because I’m unsympathetic about people with problems, but holy shit! Turns out his “friend” from the bar the night before was his caregiver! We finished lunch and had a nice chat. He was a super nice guy. He kept saying how nice it was to finally have a girlfriend again. What??? I said goodbye, and thanks, and nice to meet you. I was not planning on another date.
He called me for weeks afterward, asking why I wouldn’t see him, and “what about our relationship???” My roommates were so pissed, and I had to hide out like a fugitive!
The Bulimic
On our fourth date, The Bulimic came to pick me up at my place. We were supposed to go to a really nice place for pasta and then a movie. When he arrived, I thought he smelled like McDonald’s. I asked him if he’d already eaten, and he said no. He went into my bathroom to freshen up, and we left.
We got in his car, which reeked even worse of McDonald’s. I thought it was so weird, so I dropped my wallet on the floor and reached down. There were cheeseburger wrappers under the seat! I asked him again if he’d eaten, and he said he had a “snack” on the way over. There were three wrappers, so I said if he was too full to go out for a full-on dinner, I didn’t mind changing our plans. He assured me he’d be fine. So we went to dinner, where he proceeded to eat all but one piece of a calamari appetizer, a huge basket of bread dipped in olive oil and parmesan cheese, and a plate of baked ziti that could have choked a horse. He had four cokes with dinner, and then wanted dessert, which he washed down with an ice cream drink. I was, needless to say, speechless. It doesn’t matter, but he was not a big guy! He was about 6’2” and about 190 pounds. Not wanting to be rude, I said nothing, and proceeded with the evening. However, I was SHOCKED that he wasn’t comatose from all that food. He disappeared to the men’s room. I went to the ladies’ room, freshened up, and we left.
Next we went to the movie theater (the one at 600 North Michigan Avenue in Chicago, if that helps anyone here with the story). There’s a Cajun restaurant as you enter the theater. He mentioned how he could go for an appetizer, but then we would miss the movie. I was completely flabbergasted. Then we got to the top of the escalator, got our tickets, and he asked me if I wanted a soda and snack. I had eaten a normal human being sized meal, so I said no, thanks. He proceeded to get a small popcorn, Raisinets, and schooner of Coke. I was completely sickened.
After the movie, he drove me home. He came in, and immediately visited the bathroom. When he came out his breath smelled of vomit! I couldn’t stop myself. I asked him if he’d been sick. He denied it. I went in the bathroom and could smell it! I demanded to know what was going on. He finally admitted that he was binging and purging (on our date, thanks!) and that he had been doing it for a long time. I really felt for him, because I would never make light of someone having an eating disorder. That said, I thought it was really odd to do all of that on a date with someone who doesn’t know you have the problem!
What terrible dates have you been on? Were you the one who made it terrible?
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I really like the timing of … “I move a little blow from time to time.” That had me rolling.
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Wow bad luck…hilariously written…but man! I think my favorite was the coke dealer.
Lessoned learned from this post: Run the moment a date says, “Yeah, I should tell you…”
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