Poetry / A Heart Once Red
A HEART ONCE RED
If the world was dark
Shrouded in shadow
All shades of grey
Like a concrete meadow
The sun would be but a bruise
On heavens battered lid.
The oceans brown like coffee
Missing sugar and the cream
Stars like metal fillings
In a broken ashtray sky
Life would be a tattered still
of an age gone by…
In sockets would stare
Burnt out coals
Skin appear like slate
A heart once red
Now charred and ashen
In a blackened grate
A lovers blush
On a cheek so young
Would be a dirty smudge
poisonous, septic
Like a cancerous lung.
Golden beaches in eastern lands
Would be just fields of mud
Oil would ooze, or thick jet tar
In replace of pumping blood.
If the world was dark
the colour of lead
What would be the point?
Let’s live life
Create more colour instead….
29/06/03 Copyright Sarah Applewood ‘Sugarloaf Pippin Poetry’
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I really feel like you have a firm grasp of what poetry is based on this poem. You’re rhymes are subtle, rather than devolving into childish verse. Your descriptions are gorgeous and varied. What I love most about your style in this poem is that you have express something that cannot be taught: music. Your words flow like a song. It’s something many people try to do their entire life and rarely accomplish well. That is your talent.
I agree that your ending is a bit difficult and seems to come off abruptly, but it is also poignant and effective. If I were a publisher, I would give this a great deal of consideration, based on the quality and control you have over the language.
“If the world was dark
Shrouded in shadow
All shades of grey
Like a concrete meadow
The sun would be but a bruise
On heavens battered lid.” <--- This is one of the best openings for a poem that I’ve read in a long time.
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