Poetry / Stormy Weather

I never thought I could feel so torn
My life, my mind, my thoughts, always  darting back and forth between
Justice or injustice, to confess of lust reborn and silent lips in bed
or dream of futures of gardens with flowers and trains on tracks,pancakes laden with butter, feather dusters, mineral oil. Or sex, lust, bodies, chocolate and vanilla interwining to make a delicious swirl of licked lips and blue eyes, a Perfect Circle, wide gaping smiles and of course hormones raging and endorphins heightened.
Torn between a life that is already laid out though not yet taken or an adventure though hazy and unstable. A dark path may lead to light and a bright one may lead to dark. What was once bliss and fantasy, dreams and fairy tale can become a doldrumatic reality series. Replaced by re-runs. The stormy weather shall come to pass.

Reviews

January 20, 2007

ShivaSamurai

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
76	100.0% (18 votes)	28.9%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
25	M	Columbia, SC	April 25

ShivaSamurai reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

I like how you start out with simple lines, the first two, which build deeper into thoughts that you start to mix with tastes and sights that are tangible to external senses.  It’s great, thank you.

• add/view comments (1)

January 20, 2007

by Monique_Nicole

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
8	60.0% (5 votes)	41.2%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
27	F	Binghamton, NY	February 21

that was exactly my point, to kind of start off slow then add more complexity. that was the way i was feeling also. thank you for recognizing that.

You must login to the site or create an account in order to post a comment.

January 20, 2007

LadyMactans

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
339	83.3% (114 votes)	23.2%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
22	F	United States	March 10

LadyMactans reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

This doesn’t exactly read like a poem. It’s good though, the writing is for the most part. I love the descriptions. Though here, ”...wide gaping smiles and of course hormones …” I would leave out “of course” or replace it with something. It changes the tone.

• add/view comments (1)

January 20, 2007

by Monique_Nicole

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
8	60.0% (5 votes)	41.2%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
27	F	Binghamton, NY	February 21

thanks! i was wondering if i should but that part, i agree with what you mean though

You must login to the site or create an account in order to post a comment.

Showing 1 - 2 of 2