Thank you. It seems most of what I was trying to accomplish worked to some degree. I appreciate your read and review.
The item you were looking for was deleted.
Short Story / Have Me For Dinner
-Happy Thanksgiving!
-Welcome, come in, so glad you could join us.
-I guess that makes everyone.
-Smells delicious.
-It’s quite a spread.
-Sure is.
-Looks like you’ve outdone yourselves again.
-I wouldn’t have believed it could be done.
-Oh, stop.
-No really, there’s something for everyone here.
-And then some.
-Let’s gather around, please.
-Everyone!
-Stop it you two!
-We’re going to say grace.
-Would you do the honors?
-Certainly. We are gathered here as friends and family to share in one another’s thanksgiving for the great things that God has provided us with, for our friends and families our health and the feast prepared by loving hands. May God’s grace comfort those less fortunate. Amen.
-Amen.
-Dig in!
-There’s turkey, venison, that there is a rabbit stew.
-Rabbit?
-Ewww….
-Hush.
-There’s plenty of potatoes, scalloped, mashed, semi-mashed and baked.
-We brought a salad.
-Dressings are in the fridge.
-There’s also a roast just about done from the bull we slaughtered this fall.
-What is this dish?
-That?
-Yeah, it smells great.
-You know, I’m not too sure what that is.
-Let me try a piece.
-Not that. That’s tongue.
-Cow tongue?
-No, it’s a little sweeter than cow. The first time I had it, it was glazed with wine, and to be honest it kind of took me by surprise. I got used to it eventually though, then I just lost the taste for it. You’re welcome to try it. I’ve had enough. It’s a little old though. It’s probably too tough. I think you should just leave it be.
-What’s that you have?
-This?
-It looks pretty good.
-It’s heart. It’s kind of gamy.
-Heart?
-Of a deer?
-Something like that.
-I’ve never seen a heart prepared like that before.
-It’s not an easy procedure.
-How was it done.
-To be honest, it takes years to get it just so.
-Years?
-Yep. You need to soften it up for a while first, at least a few months, any less and you may not get full saturation. You’ll know it’s ready when it feels like putty in your hands. Anyhow, that’s when the real care begins. You need to first spend a few weeks molding it into something manageable.
-I bet that’s time consuming.
-Among other things. Anyway, after you’ve shaped it into the desired mold you need to tenderize it a little.
-Tenderize?
-Yeah, you know, beat it up a little. You want it to maintain freshness.
-I see, otherwise it might get stale.
-It should be bleeding a little by the time you’re done. That’s how you know it’s ready.
-Ready for what?
-The next step.
-Which is?
-You need to play with it.
-Play with it?
-Play with it…
-Yep. Play with it.
-No, no, you’re never supposed to play with your food.
-That’s true, but it isn’t food yet – it’s still in preparation.
-Oh, I see.
-I guess that makes sense.
-This can be a very tedious process. Some hearts take years of toying around before you can stop.
-How will you know you can stop?
-That’s the easy part. They start to blow up. Like a balloon. And you want to stop just shy of bursting it.
-Oh.
-Now some hearts take longer than others. This one took five years to go through all of the required stages.
-There’s more?
-Oh, sure. Once the heart balloons it’s almost ready to be harvested. You have to make sure everything else is in order at this time because there’s little to no shelf life once it’s picked before it goes bad. So now you have to handle it very gently because it’s almost ready to pop on it’s own and it has to be done all at once. If it’s properly prepared up to now you should be able to stab it with a sharp knife without popping it.
-How is that?
-That’s the pre-saturation.
-Exactly. The knife goes in and you begin the delicate task of carving it up. Where you go from here is really up to your imagination.
-How was this one done?
-This was a gem. It soaked up so much that it was like a one of those thick gushing sponges. I cut this one once all the way through, but because I was preparing it for an occasion I wanted to do something different. So once I took both halves, I hollowed one out, and stuffed it with the other half and ground the innards of the first to sprinkle over the whole as a sort of garnish.
-You mean the half.
-That’s clever, I didn’t even notice that. Yes, I guess I do. Anyhow, I ground the one half by hand, just by turning it over and over and bit by bit it flaked away, and then added a lot of seasoning to it in order to try and draw out and complement all the natural flavorings.
-It’s truly divine.
-I’m so glad you like it. For my part, I prefer that dish there.
-Oh and what is this?
-You’ll have to trust me on this one, because I know you wouldn’t touch it if I told you.
-It must be something exotic.
-It’s definitely an import.
-I love the sauce.
-It’s really more of a glaze.
-Now what’s the difference?
-A glaze is baked on.
-I see. So what’s the secret?
-I guess I can tell you that I left the skin on.
-Is that why it looks so tanned?
-Precisely not!
-Oh! You got me.
-It’s very lean.
-Oh yes, this dish is. And sun dried to some degree.
-No kidding? I usually don’t go for sun dried.
-Nor I, but this was just too perfect to pass up.
-I agree. Oh, no wait, I got a hair.
-Oh my, how embarrassing!
-Now don’t fret. I see no sense in making a scene. It happens to the best of us.
-I was sure I got them all.
-These little ones are hard to spot.
-Now what about these little kabobs?
-To be honest, they are probably the fattiest finger foods you could find.
-Mmmmm. Magnificent. Here, hon. Try this.
-Wow, these are good. They’re so…
-Yes, what’s the word?
-Soft.
-Exactly! How’d you do that?
-Easy enough, I just left them alone. I let them ripen on the vine so to speak.
-Well it worked.
-Not really.
-What was that?
-Nothing, nothing. I’m glad you enjoy them, I never cared much for them myself, but they’re good with kids.
-Are they beer battered?
-The alcohol cooks out.
-You’ll have to get the recipe.
-I’m working on it love. By the way, where’s that young man who used to come around so often, what was his name?
-I’m sure I don’t know who you mean.
-Sure you do, tall fellow, quite handsome, you two were the best of friends.
-It’s not ringing a bell, oh, but have you met my fiancé?
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
Oookookachoo reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
I am reminded of an Oscar Wilde poem….”Yet each one kills the thing they love. By each let this be heard. Some do it with a bitter look. Others with a flattering word….”
“Of deer?”
“Something like that.” is when my ears perked up.
Not much to comment on. Seems pretty complete to me.
Entertaining….Thanks
- add/view comments (0)
James_Thompson reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
I presume the point of this story is the punchline, unfortunately you see it coming a mile off and then whats left for the reader to enjoy. I found the dialogue about the heart in particular both dull and bizarre and felt it could of been a good deal shorter.
lord_of_fools reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I like the use of voice, but I found this a little hard to follow in parts. I also like the way that you don’t give names. The metaphors- or at least what I think are symbollic metaphors- work quite well. In parts the story seems quite gruesome, but the discussion is so casual that it seems perfectly ordinary. All in all, quite a good job.
cdnsurfer reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Okay, the problem here is obvious. Without narrative we don’t know who’s speaking in this crowd. It makes it difficult to feel what is happening, and throws the time off as to any emotional content. You’ll need to add tags so we can follow it.
Second we need to see the characters and the setting to give us an impression of the mood. It’s like the difference between candlelight and neon light, without us knowing we are at a loss. Remember you can see the scene perfectly because it’s all in your head, but you aren’t there to guide us when we read it. So, we have no idea who these people are, how they interact and what it all means. Work that in so we have the flavour.
Well thanks for sharing. Good luck.
77sunset reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Interesting dialog but I must be dense since that’s all it seemed to be. Was that all it was supposed to be? If that’s the case then you did a good job. Dialog is hard and you have a way with it. It would have been more interesting to me if you’d fleshed it out, so to speak (no pun intended). I enjoy seeing, smelling feeling what the characters are doing. So keep on keeping on and best wishes. John
woodsprite reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Im critiquing as I read so bear with me. This is a long piece and I loose my train-of-thought if I don’t write my thoughts down when I think of them.
The begining is great. It sets the stage. Because “Happy Thanksgiving” is spoken, not implied it starts the reader off on the right foot.
Personal exclamations like “stop that you two…Ewwww…Hush” are a strong way to get the reader to connect with the piece. We’ve all heard that, said that at a holiday feast.
Holy crap…I am getting so much more this time around. The tongue glazed in wine the last time and it taking her by suprise…so F…ing GREAT!
But I think that when the stages get to “balloon” you might want to cut some here. It seems a bit much to pardon the pun…chew. It bogs down a bit here because the banter-like flow of the conversation prior is gone here.
From here on out…”I’m so glad you like it. For my part, I prefer that dish there.” the flow comes back.
This line, for some reason feels awkward… “Now don’t fret. I see no sense in making a scene. It happens to the best of us.” What it is trying to say is good…it just flows oddly.
“The alcohol cooks out.”...chuckle, nice line!
“-I’m working on it love. By the way, where’s that young man who used to come around so often, what was his name?” I’m confused here…shouldn’t you have a line break between “love and By”? It seems that the one “cooking” should be saying …”-I’m sure I don’t know who you mean.”
I can’t tell you how much I loved this piece. The originality of it is what gets me. I think you are very close to having this ready for publishing.
ladyofbrileith reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I think you have an interesting premise here, and the change that goes on from it being a traditional Thanksgiving to something a lot darker is intriguing. The format doesn’t really work for me, though. I prefer things to have quotation marks and be properly formatted, and I think you could have a better diffentiation in voice. How many speakers are there? I could only tell when it was the cook because they were talking about food preparation. When you are writing a piece that is solely dialoge and no description, you have to let your characters speak in such a way that they can be distinguished by voice instead of just topic of conversation. Read it out loud. Who do you hear? Can you tell when someone besides the cook speaks again? Do the guests know exactly what’s being prepared, and are they all in on it, or is the cook just fooling them all? I didn’t get a sense of that at all, and it was something I really wanted to know.
jlcampbell reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Perhaps it’s because I was chef for 15 years … and also a self-proclaimed author of macabre fiction, but right when the menu changed from mainstream to bizarre, I sort of picked up on the way it was going to end. That’s not to say it’s bad. I enjoyed it very much. At first I was thinking that I might suggest you put it in a screenplay format so the reader would know who is saying what and when … but after reading the entire story, I’ve changed my mind and think that keeping it the way it is works better. Original piece and I enjoyed it for its uniqueness. Best of luck and write on!
J.L. Campbell
www.jlcampbellbooks.com
LadyMactans reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Hahaha! Oh my God I love this!
Definitely a different style but I applaud experimental writing and it worked out well in this case.
There were a few minor grammar issues but I think a quick proof-read would be enough to catch those.
I love the part about the heart, though I think it needs to be built up just a bit more. Perhaps adding one more description between the tongue and the heart to build up to it a little more.
I do love the last one. It’s almost too vague though, it shouldn’t be too obvious but perhaps you could mention just one more little thing to make it a bit clearer what it is, incase there is any uncertainty.
All in all this is very well done and I love the back-and-fourth of the dialogue. Well done.
hypatia reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Deliciously sinister. Like some eccentric eating society. I could not fault your style, words or flow.
It felt complete, like a blow by blow menu description without the written visuals. However I was able to use my imagination.
I guessed the meal probably was her old friend, but I didn’t get any clues along the way.
Showing 1 - 10 of 28
Next →
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
23 Reviews 17 Comments
Version 2
Latest Activity: 7 months ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 14 Times
Skipped: 2 Times
Ratings & Rankings
Versions
| Version 2 | Version 1 (Deleted) |