Poetry / Deconstructing Me

Deconstructing Me

I deconstruct myself so well
And rummage through the pieces
If I had some things of worth
They were all short leases

I annihilate myself each night
And rummage through the rubble
To gain a sense of myself
To comprehend the trouble

But these pains don’t give me peace
They just multiply the doubt
When I arrive at the last
I can’t learn what it’s about

I pack it all away again
And start over every night
I close the wound and mask it
But I never get it right

The scars show on the inside
Of the grief the lives in me
I smile and prepare my plan
To dissect anew with glee

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November 05, 2007

Nitarush

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125	40.0% (5 votes)	30.2%

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50	F	Delmar, MD	July 26

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November 04, 2007

Willow_Wren

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2097	79.6% (588 votes)	28.4%

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61	F	Germantown, NY	August 28

Willow_Wren reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

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November 03, 2007

filbert

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2054	81.6% (678 votes)	33.8%

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58	M	Coeur D Alene, ID	August 28

filbert reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

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November 03, 2007

easywriter57

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1803	64.8% (270 votes)	27.7%

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59	F	Pottsboro, TX	May 20

easywriter57 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

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October 12, 2005

manderson6309

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27	66.7% (12 votes)	12.7%

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24			October 26

manderson6309 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

I completely understand the motive and the continuity of the poem, but one of the major aspects of writing, mostly for the reader’s benefit, is grammar, timing, and punctuation. The grammar in yours is fine. The timing is all over the chart and the sentences don’t roll off the tongue very well; which is also partly because you don’t know where to pause, take a breath, or end the thought when you read it.

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
1	100.0% (1 votes)	100.0%

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October 12, 2005

TattooAnkh

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
104	89.3% (56 votes)	34.5%

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27			October 26

TattooAnkh reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

Deliciously dark – I like it very much. ”To dissect anew with glee” indeed!

One thing that’s driving me nuts (maybe I’m just sleep-deprived LOL) is the third stanza…I really want third line to read,”When I arrive at the last stone” so that it sticks with the rubble imagery. Even if not “stone,” it feels like that line needs another word there or some kind.