Lyrics / Words Unspoken

The only reason I gave this only a 9, is because I have personal opinions that don’t agree with what you said about forgiving and forgetting… so just take that in heed.  I love these lyrics, I really do… I completely understand what you were saying, and it touched my heart.  I have been all three of the women above… and I think it is honestly best to be the one who’s heart is broken… like you said, because when I break others, it hurts 10 times worse.  As far as a critique, if it were my own, I would put forgiving also means to forget, however remembering can be hard to begin with when it all starts with a lie.  Those are my own words however.  I do think the poem is great… not that it will have potential, but that it has huge potential just like it is, in your words.  Thank you so much for posting, and I am glad I read this tonight!  ”Brandnewlovely”

If this is to be set to music I think it will be hard for the one who writes the music,,too many words in each line and there seems to be no way to bring out a melody..Unless you are going for a rap song!

I like it.   It is good—substantive.  I am taken by fun, lovely details, and am a little surprised to stumble upon such a piece in an online writing group like this (no offense to any one member);   certainly worth publishing (in my humble opinion—as a songwriter myself).  I am curious to hear the music though—but a little afraid, because I am kind of a music snob and I am worried that I won’t like the music.   Beautiful lyrics; A NINE FOR THIS THOUGHFUL, SKILLED SONGWRITER!

I love these lyrics. They are the perfect ‘weight’ in your word choices and tone.  I think, put to right music, this piece would make a marketable folk song-ballad.  The rythym beats through the page and the chorus is nearly perfect.  The only consideration I’d offer is the reference to the bible. Not for PC reasons; for marketing reasons.  IMHO, it may limit the piece in terms of its delivery being ‘targeted’ for a specific groups of the population; unless this might be a personal preference. Sarai

Feels a bit laboured and ridden with cliched lines you could pluck out of any one of a thousand country tunes.

The song is good. it has solid potential. However, I believe that the chorus is busy. Ideally, the chorus is a catchy hook that captures, typically a sing along. your first lines “There are three sure ways that a heart can be broken,
With a lie, with the truth or with words unspoken.
However it happens, one thing remains certain,
No words ever stop the hurtin’.” run together, mainly line 2. I would say break it up with less words and more meaning, it sounds almost forced.

Ok. This, I’m guessing, is a story of the mistakes in female choosing you have made. I don’t understand how you can jump from two girls that dumped you to a girl that you hurt. It just doesn’t seem to make sense to me. I think maybe, if anything, you would put verse three at the beginning. And I don’t see how the hair colors matter to the person that is being talked about. This song, in my opinion, needs alot of work. Good luck with the rest of your stuff.