Poetry / Looking Throught Terror's Eyes

I think you’ve got a good starting point. The way you’ve written it is frantic which I like as it illustrates physically as you read it the urgency of an eating disorder. The urgency of the fat and losing it, the panic of food etc, however I think honing in on an area or some editing and it would be of a much higher standard with just a little tweaking.

I really like this. I like how it seems frantic, like thinking and pulling out your hair. Yet, it’s still clear. Repeating words add a little more structure so we don’t feel lost in all these words being thrown at us. Good topic, good write.

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June 10, 2007

by raindragon16

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24	F	Campbell, CA	December 04

Thanks.  I don’t understand why people complain about the fragmentation.  They obviously don’t read many concrete poems.

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you have some pretty good subject matter but at times this poem makes childish statements like “stupid stupid stupid world”.  At points your thoughts are just spewing out of you, you need to cut alot of this to make it an even better poem.

I like how you’ve made the poem skinny, it’s a good visual for what you are talking about.

Stuff you should cut are phrases like “I hate being female” “want need”  

I could go through stanza by stanza but I don’t want to take up your credits, so I’ll do it in the comments, if you want me to.

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January 30, 2007

by raindragon16

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It’s like that to show that insanity is settling in.  The childlike mind thinks like this so I appriciate that you noticed.

May 18, 2007

by brokenhand

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24	F	Bellingham, WA	September 07

I think you can show that in a better way without making your poem excessive and silly

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The repeating or words over and over again is not necessary to make your point.Also there are some misspelled words..Like ‘Through”, doesn’t have a “t” at the ending.

This is very, very good. The short, rapid fire lines with frequent repitition adds to the frantic feeling of it. Very nice work.

Not sure about the title, though (does terror have eyes?) – it’s just not as artful as the rest of the piece. The only other thing I noticed to take issue with is that in stanza 3, I think you wanted “short time” instead of “shot time.”

Nice, though. Thanks for sharing.

Wow. I love your topic choice. It gives, what I think is an eating disorder, a very mean face. That’s a really good thing. I think that it is amazing that you can totally write this all out and make it sound horrible. I think that you did a marvelous job with it. Keep up the good work and keep writing like this. You are really uber talentd. Good luck in the future. Plus I think that alot of women can identify with this mind set. Trying to get rid of fat to fit that one profile that men are seemingly looking for is probably one of the worst things to have. I hate guys that tell you that they want you to change… They aren’t worth that. At all. Again, good luck.

I found this to be very foreboding. The piece screams out the need to be thin, beautiful. To be judged by how the outward appearence looks. I must admit that if in fact this a reality for you I hope you are getting some guidence to change your view of yourself. It sometimes sucks being a woman, all that is around us tends to make us not like the way we look. Magazines and fashion models will only make you sick. Look around, more woman are adverage than they are fit. I understand the need to run and pray to the toilet, I did it for many years.
The downside to all of it is “Doctors strap me down,”. Sooner or later our self image causes use major damage. I liked this piece because of the raw and disjointed emotion. Excellent use of cetain words, toxic, tainting, bland, blood. I look forward to reading more of your work.

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January 23, 2007

by raindragon16

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24	F	Campbell, CA	December 04

I’m not anorexic.  This is a poem of when I placed myself in someones shoes whith this condition.

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