Poetry / If you mean to break my heart

If you mean to break my heart, do it quickly
Make your actions deliberate and precise
The not knowing makes me listless and sickly
When you rip the heart from my chest, be concise

I cannot stand the wondering and waiting
It leads me down the path of self-destruction
Darling, I’d wish you’d kill what we’re creating
With careful but deliberate deconstruction

If this is not your goal or within your means
Then strangle me with brutality and rage
But please don’t leave me to fits and tearful scenes
Strike the swift blow and release me from my cage

Once annihilated, I can begin to
Grip the shards and reassemble the pieces
Please make clear to me what you intend to do
I only wish you to do what most pleases

Once you have done, do not pity nor hate me
Avert your gaze and leave me to my dealing
Allow me the quiet; don’t let yourself to see
That I kill me better and with less feeling

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Kaio_Shin avatar General Stranger

November 04, 2007

Kaio_Shin

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Kaio_Shin reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item
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Buck_SaTaN avatar General Stranger

November 03, 2007

Buck_SaTaN

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Buck_SaTaN reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item
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heartNsoul avatar General Stranger

November 03, 2007

heartNsoul

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heartNsoul reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item
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Dubose avatar General Stranger

November 03, 2007

Dubose

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Dubose reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item
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TattooAnkh avatar General Stranger

October 12, 2005

TattooAnkh

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TattooAnkh reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

Fantabulous!  The juxtaposition of the cadence and rhyme scheme with the dark message works really well here.  A few lines feel a little forced, but you’re probably aware of those few. (It’s funny how authors almost always know what most reviews are going to say before they even read them! heh)

That being said, my favorite lines from the piece are: “When you rip the heart from my chest, be concise” and, especially, “That I kill me better and with less feeling”

Nice work!

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Feather

Age: 32
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Last Login: April 04
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