holding a camera
hoping that it could expel the demons from my hands- my head. the cord’s unplugged and i can’t stop myself from falling in and out of sleep. time and time again, the paintings on my eyelids will show themselves, flickering flames and faeries upon a desert garden of evergreens. this home is a haunting sort of place but somehow i feel this is what i create with an eyepiece and the clock flashing, flashing 3:24. missing a light meter i will manage to transform this dull synopsis into something of a silent literatery genius but i’m not sure how yet.
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I really liked this short story. It really grabs your interest and makes you want to know more, makes you want to know what’s doing on, and why the character is going though this, as well as what is going to happen to him, how he is going to get out of this, and if he will succeed in his goal. You should definitely consider extending this story, and depending on how the story flows maybe even a novel. And I have to say, that if the rest of the story follows the same style as this part of it, then it could easily become a best seller and would definitively be a book I would want to read. I enjoyed reading this, and I very much look forward to, maybe, hopefully, one day reading more of it.
I like this a LOT. So very visual, so descriptive, such great use of language. I’m a big fan of brevity…but I wish I knew more about this. Hopefully…this is a small part of a larger piece?
Keep it up – you’ve got talent and I’d like to see more.
I’m not sure how I feel about this piece.
I’m first going to start by being a “writer” of sorts and saying; please capitalize. It’s important, I think, for your writing to be taken seriously.
Secondly. If anything I would call this more of poem than a story. It doesn’t connect with anything. I’m left confused by it. I’m not sure what you are aiming for other than a feeling.
Maybe add something to it. A place. A character?
Very descriptive, but I’m not quite sure where you were going with it. Don’t try to be too descriptive and lose yourself in your writing. I can see if you were writing it as if you were jumbling thoughts.
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