Poetry / Vindictive Mr Sol

This poem I would imagine is very personal and it must have taken a great deal of courage to write it. I like it from beginning to end.

First stanza is GOOD,from  ”I got to know you….....never forgot you ”. but the rest is unclear I don’t see the connection between the lines. Also the title seems odd. Repetition of the colours in verse 123 is unclear, verse four five and six I’m not imaginative enough to understand. I’m sure the meaning is good I just can’t understand it

Riviting, loved it!

I thought it was going to lead me somewhere but I guess that’s poetry. It did have a flow to it and maybe that’s why I expected it to come to some kind of conclusion. Maybe that’s the end you were looking for….Neil

Just being honest here…I don’t get it.  The colors have and interesting potential.  At the beginning I was thinking that I understood (assigning meaning to the colors, eg. red=anger, yellow=fears, etc.)  But as I went along, it fell apart in my mind.  Is there anyway to clue in the reader as to the connections of the colors?

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January 25, 2007

by OrangeRolls

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29	F	New Zealand	February 27

Thanks for the review. With regards to your comments (and without giving too much away) i guess the title was supposed to help with that…

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maybe:

and in the instance

as opposed to second, it seems, well, too pedestrian for this poem, as the word and whatever phrase it is used in seems so coined and platitudal that is near a institution of phrase…and you don’t people projecting into the poem, obscuring and drawing away from the poem…which is at least what it did for me…

also:

to and black
black and back

seems awkward…

good though, besides…

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January 25, 2007

by OrangeRolls

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29	F	New Zealand	February 27

Thanks for the review. I’m not sure what you mean about people projecting – if you could explain what you mean that would be helpful. And do you mean “and in that instant”? “instance” doesn’t really make sense – well not for what i’m trying to portray anyway – which is just a fleeting moment. I was sort of playing with sound when i chose the two lines “to and back, black and back”, so thank you for pointing out that it seems awkward. I would be interested to see what other people think of those lines too. Appreciate you taking the time to read my work.

January 26, 2007

by newfound

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20	M	Germany	November 05

well i mean, its very subtle:

like, when i see the word “second,” i use it so much in any given day, that i think of such a idiomatic phrase as “give me a second,” and then i think of all the times i use that phrase and what it evokes, all the while my mind strays from being completely fused with the poem…that is why i personally try to eradicate all idioms and platitudes and the like out of my poetry…which comes, i guess, after reading Jacques Derrida and just coming to understand the nuances of perception in regards to reading and the subjective process of interpretation…which i try to balance out through using more uncommon, less used vacabulary in somewhat alternative syntactic forms…

January 27, 2007

by OrangeRolls

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29	F	New Zealand	February 27

Oh right – i get it… thanks.

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Very nice. I love the repeated use of combinations of colours: makes it a very visual experience when reading. It makes me think of nature as a lover – or maybe  thinking of a lover and seeing them reflected in nature? Captures the feeling that love can transform our view of the world well.