Haiku/Senryu / Singularity

I admit it’s a little quirky and I had to read it a couple of times.  I get the point you are trying to make to the reader:  singly, we have the potential to make a huge impact.  As part of a crowd, not so much.  

Haikus are difficult to write though, even though they are short.  Making a profound point in 3 lines takes time and patience.  The point comes through.  I think with a little tweaking in the wording it might flow better.

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July 09, 2007

by Interval

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25	M	Canada	November 11

You’re right; it could definitely be improved, although I’d have to spend some time thinking on the matter.

Thank you for your feedback (and sorry that I haven’t been around as much as of late).

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I am not sure what this truly means to you as the author . . . but the imagery is so existential, yet tangeable. The last line threw me of a bit because of the wording, but perhaps that too was intended. tremendous.

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February 03, 2007

by Interval

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
47	86.4% (22 votes)	43.1%

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25	M	Canada	November 11

What specifically threw you off in the wording? Do you have any suggestions as to how I can improve it?

Thanks very much.

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Nice, I like the play on words, but please reconsider the word “among.”  Within would, I believe, be a better choice.  Or maybe amidst.  Among is misused here.

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January 28, 2007

by Interval

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
47	86.4% (22 votes)	43.1%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
25	M	Canada	November 11

Perhaps “amidst”? When should among be used?

Thanks for the heads-up.

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