I wrote this while walking around Dublin, the invisible man is a homeless person i saw, he was begging with the paper cup. Enough for a meal, enough to shoot up refers to what we does with the money
Lyrics / Into The Sun
stare down the barrel of a political gun,
the leader,the man with the silver tongue,
these streets are washed with blood,
we never do what we should,
dont talk so loud they might hear,
dont whisper, it shows your fear.
come out of the cities into the sun,
the eagle has landed, the race is run.
The cold war is over, a new on begun,
come out of the cities and into the sun.
streetlights set the corners ablaze,
the glint in the eye of a stanley blade,
a spoon and a lighter on the toilet floor,
the blood on tissue tells a little bit more,
the invisible man jingles the paper cup,
enough for a meal, enough to shoot up,
come out of the cities and into the sun,
the eagle has landed, the race is run
the cold war is over, a new one begun,
come out of the cities and into the sun
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JEDoherty reviewed Version 2 -
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Very good imagery.
The rhyme on the second stanza is a little off – (good – blood)
You have tackled political intrigue, was, drug use, street violence and povety this quite short piece. That is an achievement in itself.
I like the chorus too.
Regards
JEDoherty
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yang reviewed Version 1 -
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one should be one’s. the only thing i didnt get were the two lines that began “the invisible…” mostly the paper cup and it being enough to shoot up. other than that i liked it, especially the two lines “dont talk…don’t whisper…” just clear up what i mentioned, and this will be a great set of lyrics.
brahmasong reviewed Version 1 -
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i,partly because i’m as sympathyser may be biased towards your write
1.a new on begun, an new one begun?
the eagle symbol left me hazey as to what it symbolized apart the obvious as a archtype perhaps of our evil empire in which we reside?
and of course i sympathize with the junkie
who’s perhaps a living casualty of our wars!considering your age i think this is a very powerful write do keep this up!
Erendar reviewed Version 1 -
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I really like these lyrics, it is an excellent portrayal of these times. I really like the idea behind the chorus. The only thing is that you say the eagle has landed, the race is run, but then you say a new one has begun. You have very contradictory views, one of finality, the other on continuance, and it creates a coflict I don’t think was intended. One last thing, a very little thing, in line 3 of the 4th stanza, “on” I think is supposed to be “one.”
You are an excellent lyricist, props.
Erendar
bbillycurtis reviewed Version 1 -
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I couldn’t agree more with the sentiment.
a new one begun instead of a new on begun
im not sure what a stanley blade is
Thanks for the read.
metalhead5891 reviewed Version 1 -
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i really like the meaning i got from these lyrics. i like the overall theme of war. the war in the middle east, the war on drugs, and the personal war on drugs, all of them tie into the greater scheme of these lyrics. i liked how you touched on multiple facets of the same idea. you give the reader a very vivid perspective.
one of the only things i could see that need improvement would be to shy away from the typical rhyme scheme. i mean try not to have just every last word on every line rhyme. in my experience it sometimes makes you crunch things in to fit your rhyme scheme, which i feel is the case for this line:
these streets are washed with blood,
we never do what we should
that to me seems to be the only verse in these lyrics that isnt self-sustaining.
all the others seem to be ideas of their own that tie into the big picture, but this one verse doesnt seem to fit.
Conclusion: this is a very well written piece that provokes thought and enlightens with issues that are effecting the world today. because of the sensitivity of the subject matter i think you will grasp your readers attention and really convey how these problems are linked. great work.
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