Lyrics / Home Sick

I give ya a ten on the rhyming

sounds like you been on the bus with ole Paul Simon for a while
they call him rhyming simeon ..

good job..

lookingbeyond

hi there,

i read it and if i didn’t see the title homesick in the begining i would think the name of it was on the road….cause of the one is mention so much and the other not..but it’s well written for a slow song i agree..good job…keep writing those good lyrics!

Awesome piece. You created a story here that many people miss when creating a song. You showed where the song was going and made emphasis on progression. You created a problem that could/has happened and you concluded it letting everyone know all is well. You also, thankfully, put the song in a format that is easy to read and understand. I loved how this song ended up. At first I was wondering will this song go anywhere? And it did, perfectly. You took me on a journey when I read it. I felt like I didn’t know where I was going or where I was even at, and by the end of the piece questions came that could have only been thought of by reading your lyrics. I also love the tension and pain the song presents in the middle. The thought of not being able to have something ever again no matter how bad you want it and no matter how much pain your in. And I also loved the ending chorus “Lost control, lost control, I don’t know there was no place else I wanted to go”. I felt so much in that sentence. I also seen that you did something rare that song writers don’t normally do. You changed the chorus up with an alternative chorus that helps resolve the issue at stack. You didn’t take a shortcut and copy and paste the chorus again, but you developed another one that fit well with where the song was going. I really loved this piece, the format, and the lyrics. I can see that you must have been through this pain and joy and I commemorate that with all respect. Thanks for writing this music and I hope to see you up on the boards again with some more songs/poems. Good job and keep up the individuality and perfection.

I feel this one.  I’m at those crossroads now.  Tryin’ to find my way home.  What kind of music is this set to?

I like it.  Very inspiring.  This shows a lot of pain and loss of direction.  It becomes a longing song then a love song.  The transistion was very well done.  I did have one question though.  What does this mean when you say “On the road, on the road, o place to go.”  Maybe it’s a typo?  Either way, well done.

iv’e spent time traveling and missing my love.
i can feel the longing to go home and be with those that you love.
i miss my friends and family back in philly.you touched me with this.

Excellent lyrics. Some of the better ones I’ve seen on here.
I can actually see in my mind’s eye what you’re writing about. That’s an important part of a good song, in my opinion.
Only thing I would say that some lines could use better flow – like the last verse. When I read it, it doesn’t really flow, there’s no natural rhythm to it.
Look into stuff about meter, and try to incorporate it into your work. I think it would improve it immensely.
I think this would sound awesome in a blues progression, with some slide guitar for melody. If you’re into such things. The repitition of lyrics for a blues progression would work well with your writing.

Being lost in life or love is hard thing to describe but I think you do an excellent job here. as a reader I want to reach and point the person in the right direction. It really played on my emotion which is a key in good lyrics. I really enjoyed it great job.